One Kiss Later (K. Baudelaire)

Chapter 5

Klaus

Candy ran off with the page she wrote about Vice Principal Nero. It was strange and I couldn't explain it if I tried. The way she smiled, the way she winked when she did something that her sister might do instead of her. She seemed to be special, the light at the end of the tunnel to our series of unfortunate events.

"Incredible, isn't she?" someone said sitting down next to me, I spin my head around. It was Duncan. "Oh, yes, indescribable." I commented, looking back to the door, still able to hear her heels down the hallway. "I don't know how I got her." Duncan says looking off to the door as well. "Hmm?" I question turning back to him. Oh right, she has a boyfriend, "Candie. you know, how I got her to be mine." Duncan comments again. "She's not an object!" I say angrily at Duncan, "Sorry."

The timer went off. We needed to be at the Athletic Field five minutes. We all got up and started to walk to our shack.

"I don't know what's worse the word pep or the word rally." Violet groans. "They last for hours. We'll sneak some fruit from the dorms." Duncan warns. "We'll sneak some for you, too." Isadora offers, "Although Candie has the good food. She always sneaks some for us. I'm sure she'll do the same for you." "Thank you." Violet thanks. "It's no trouble. Our broom closet's next to the fruit bowl." Duncan says, touching Violet's arm slightly. I don't think Violet noticed. But I did. And I didn't like it.

"I-I don't mean for the fruit. I mean for making us feel at home." Violet clarifies. "We haven't felt at home for a long time." I say giving Duncan a scolding look that he seemed to not notice. "Well I'm sure you already know," Duncan credits. "What?" Me and Violet question. "What friends are for." Duncan says comfortingly. This time he touched Violet's wrist and hand very clearly. How could he do this to Candie? Oh, and I guess my sister might've felt weird too...

"Hey Duncan!" I say walking up to him. "Hi Klaus." Duncan says facing me. "What's up with you and Violet?" I ask hesitantly. "She's really pretty and nice." He says shrugging it off. "but- but you have a girlfriend." I resist. "I know, I'm still deciding on who I want. It's no big deal." Duncan shrugs, trying to walk away. I catch his shoulder. "No, that's not fair to Candie." I say trying to get Duncan to see. "Since when have you been president of 'save Candie association?'" He asks, clearly annoyed. "Since she's a really amazing girl and I don't want her to get hurt." I say finally

Candie

I ran to my dorms and grabbed some food, this was going to be a long pep-rally, I could feel it. I grabbed some fruit and some hard-candy and put the food in my basket. What do the Baudelaires want? I question. I grab a bit of everything for the Baudelaires and head down the Athletic Field.

I walk up and hand my fake book page to Vice Principal Nero. He looked at it and beamed. Thank God I'm good at forging fonts and handwriting. "Prufrock." The kids chanted. "Prufrock." I sat in my seat and snuck a butterscotch candy in my mouth before the Baudelaires sat down before me. "Hi Candie." Klaus greets as he sits down besides me. "I have to tell you something." Klaus starts, "I think Du-"

"Baudelaires!" Isadora says with a panic look on her face as she sits down. "We think you're in terrible danger." Duncan continues, sitting on the other side of me, kissing my cheek. "What's wrong?" Klaus questions, only to be interrupted by chanting being led by Carmelita. "What did you see?" Violet asks again. "We think we say Count Olaf!" Isadora exclaims. "W-who is Count Olaf?" I wonder out loud. "It's a long story. Why?" Klaus askes me. I point to the Quagmires as a reply. "We think Count Olaf is here." Duncan exclaims, a little louder. "What?" Violet asks loudly.

"Thank you. Thank you. Welcome to the mandatory pep-rally." Vice Principal Nero starts, "I don't know which I like more, the word 'pep' 'rally.'" I roll my eyes. "I like 'pep.'" Mrs. Bass says out of nowhere. "I like 'rally'" Mr. Tench says, also out of nowhere. "Maybe we should ask our mascot! What do you say?" Vice Principal Nero asks the student body. The students cheer. 'What's the mascot of Prufrock Prep?" Violet asks us. "A dead horse." Duncan answers. "It sounded like you said-" "A dead horse, but that's not important what's important is-" Isadora is interrupts but is then interrupted by Carmelita.

"Who can't be beat? A dead horse." Carmelita chants, followed by the student body. "Who can't be beat? A dead horse." She chants again, this time followed by kicking the mascot, causing it to fall over. The students cheer. "You have to listen, me and my brother saw-""Shush!" Mrs. Bass shushes Isadora."I know thinks have seemed less peppy since out athletes, cheerleaders and beloved gym teacher vanished, on the way home from that away game. But Prufrock Preparatory School has a motto. It's "momento mori." And it's a ancient Greek saying-" "Latin" the Baudelaires say quietly. "-which means, remember, you will die." Leaving me... alone." Vice Principal Nero says dramatically. "Alone" He repeats. "Alone." He repeats again.

"Until, of course, you meet someone who truly understands and supports you with friendship, camaraderie and cash bribes." He says. I look at the Baudelaires and they are just as confused as I am. "Our Gym teacher was irreplaceable, but I have found someone I know who can fill her shoes. Now please welcome to the stage, a man with no resume, no letters of recommendation, no credit history, but someone with such marvelous ear for music, that I've hired him as the newest member of our faculty!" Nero says. I look over at Duncan. Count Olaf Here he handed it to me to hand to the Baudelaires. Mr. Tench out of nowhere, grabbed the notebook and closed it. "Your new gym teacher, Coach Genghis!"

Then, a man wearing a burgundy track shoes and a turban jumped through a paper Prufrock Prep banner. "Count Olaf." The Baudelaires say staring at the man. "So much to learn, and I am here to school you." the man said looking right at the Baudelaires. "Klaus... who's Count Olaf?" "The man that brought us here. He's been chasing us around trying to get our fortune for... months now." "So, he's the reason you met me." I ask. "Well, yes bu-" "Then I'm happy, a bit bitter sweet, you could say." I cut him off.

"Who can't be beat? A dead horse." Carmelita and the school chanted. The chanting continued until Count Olaf spoke "I love the energy, I love it!" everyone clapped. "Okay everyone, settle down." Vice Principal Nero settles. "Settle down? Do you hear what Vice Principal Shapiro said?" He scolded. "Nero." Vice Principal Nero tried to correct. "How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth." he continued. I look at the Quagmires confusingly. We shrug our shoulders and look back up at the stage.

"'Settle,' a word which here means settling for less, and 'down,' my personal least favorite direction." Count Olaf starts again, "Let me tell you a story. Some years ago, a woman came up to me. She needed my help. 'Coach Genghis,' she said to me, 'I'm a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seen to lose these last twenty pounds. I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right?" The students confusingly look around, confused. "They are school children" Vice Principal Nero intercepts. "Exactly." Count Olaf says, ignoring Vice Principal Nero's correction, "And what did I say to her?" He says, continuing his story, "And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down? Answer me pippity-squeaks. Do you think I told her to settle down." I looked at my friends, them just as confused as me. "Probably not!" Carmelita chanted, closely followed by the whole school chanting as well. Count Olaf started to walk down the aisle that we were all sitting in.

"Probably not, indeed. I told her to stand up. I told her to actualize and incentivize. I told her to keep her eyes in the clouds and her feet on the stars." He stopped at our aisle and looked at Klaus, "Do you know what happened?" Klaus looked down at his feet and I stared up at him. "She died in a mysterious fire." He said looking into my eyes. "Wait, what?" Vice Principal Nero said curiously. "Settling down is what losers do." He continued. "But the woman you were talking about-" Vice principal Nero said, confused, before being cut off by Count Olaf. "Settling down started World War I." He continues. "Okay, but the story you were telling-" Vice Principal Nero said trying to reason, only to be cut off by Count Olaf again. "Settling down is what happens when you bite your lip, and then your lip gets swollen so you bite your lip again, and you bite your lip again and again. And then you do this thing where you keep biting your lip over and over again. I don't want that. Do you want this Prufrock prep?" He asks. "No!" the students chanted. "Let's bring in the violin." Count Olaf said introducing Vice Principal Nero.