Rich Bastard {mxm}

Thirty Five.

"True love doesn't end happily because there is no ending," -C.T

I wasn't sure I supposed when I knew.

It was just a feeling that was just always there.

Every time I looked at him and he smiled at me, it crawled up my heart, threatening to make me blush because I was so sure of myself.

I couldn't pinpoint when I knew I had to do it. Was it when he took me to finally meet Alyssa for the first time?

"Hey, Alyssa, I know it's been a long time," I bit my lip, watching him crouch down to the tombstone, wiping away the dust that had accumulated. Joaquin was silent as he stared at the name and the dates, and I just knew that he was definitely feeling it. I let out a breath, touching his shoulder with a squeeze as Holly held onto my hand. 

Alyssa Audrianne van Zante died April 8th, 2012 from breast cancer. "I miss you so much, god, I really do," He sniffled and I frowned, wishing that I could take his pain away. "Mommy, I miss you so much..." Holly's lips trembled as Ambrose looked at me in confusion. "If you were here, you'd punch me for crying over you. You always hated when I was sad," Alyssa sounded like she was an exceptional woman, and often times, I compared myself to her. Could I make Joaquin happy like she did?

"Before I forget, I know you wanted me to move on, so I found someone who I know I can't live without," Joaquin reached up to grab the hand that was on his shoulder. "I met a guy, his name is Cheyenne Thorn and he makes me so damn happy," That was all he said, but it was enough for me to hear the sound of his heart breaking apart and coming back together. 

"Being here, seeing this grave hurts me. That's why I have come to tell you that this will be the last time I come here," My eyes widened as he stood, blowing a kiss to the tombstone. That was a decision he and Holly had made together. "I don't need to look at a gravesite to feel peace when you're everywhere else. I'm not going to forget you because you gave me so much to remember. Besides, you'd slap me if you knew that I still hadn't let go."

Joaquin told me about the promise that he made with her before she died. She made him promise that he wouldn't hold her too long in his mind for him to move on. She made him promise that when the time came, he'd let go and be happy, making her a permanent figment of his memory.

"So you can rest in peace knowing that I am happy now," It was like the air around us softened, caressing our skin like the sweetest whisper before it condensed, a relieving feeling setting into our bones. It was like the hot wind turned into a cool breeze, whipping past our ears and into the ground, a mood of tranquility washing over us all. 

I crouched down, offering a small smile that she could see from down under. "Don't worry, Alyssa," I smiled, placing the last flower on her grave, knowing that it would make its home in the spirit of her life. "I'll love him beyond the end of time."

Or was it when he asked me to help build a homeless shelter with him?

"Babe, I finally figured out something that I want to do," Joaquin said as I threaded my fingers through his hair. "What is it?" I was confused as to what he was talking about. "It got me thinking, we do so much volunteering, so why don't we build our own homeless shelter, hm?" He started playing with my fingers as I pondered the idea.

Even so, he was still so selfless, thinking about other people and it made me want to be a better person, be a better me so that I could always remain with him. He made me want to do things that I never would've considered, like being a parent, like donating some of my clothes to people who need it, to volunteering, to actually getting a job.