Odds || H.S.

VIII

Sadly, we departed LA Saturday afternoon so we would have a day to prep ourselves for the first day of classes. It turns out the only preparation we needed was sleep because we slept the day away on Sunday. I woke up around 2 pm Sunday afternoon missing Harry already and wondering when we would see him again. 

 Tomorrow was the start of our final year of college by now we knew we didn't really have to buy the textbooks and what we wear to lecture didn't matter. The only reason I looked presentable in class is that I wanted to look good on the walk from my apartment to campus. I wouldn't dare step onto the streets of New York in broad daylight in baggy sweatpants if I can avoid it- it's just disrespectful. Don't get me wrong, most of my outfits consist of black jeans, a sweater, and clean sneakers, but at least it's not an oversized t-shirt and a scrunchie on my wrist.

Not wanting to leave the comfort of my bed, I reached for my phone to text the apartment's HOESS group chat (the name courtesy of a messy night our freshman year and it hasn't been changed since). On Sundays, we always make a group trip to Trader Joe's. Grocery shopping in the city is done best through the system of divide and conquer because of the long lines and crowds of people. 

HOESS

L: TJ's today?

J: ughhhh I guess, we definitely need food for this week

A: Only if we can get wine!

L: Meet at the door in 15

~~~~

An hour later we met up at the check-out line after having got our designated items. Shuffling through the line I got lost in thought thinking about the uncertainty of this year and my future. Where will we even be in a year's time? Will we stay in NYC? Will we all find jobs after graduation? Will we be friends for life? What kind of conditioner does Harry use in his hair? Wait, I'm spiraling. For the past two days, I have been thinking about Harry non-stop.  All my thoughts lead me back to that man and I don't know what to do. I can't even talk to Addy and Jon about it without feeling awkward. He is my friend, our friend; one of our best friends, and also my celebrity crush so it's only natural that I feel some type of way, or at least that's what I'm telling myself. 

After swinging by the wine shop and buying a bottle for each of us we made our way back to the apartment. We put the groceries away and Jon said he would make dinner for us tonight so I sat on a stool in the kitchen to keep him company. As he updated me on his new relationship milestones with Alex, I half-listened as my thoughts once again drifted to Harry. 

"...so then I told him there is no way I can see myself get married before 22." Jon finished.

"Wait, what?" Jon and marriage brought me back to reality. 

"Alex was just telling me how he really thinks that I am the one for him, now and forever, he wants to get married after graduation," Jon elaborated. 

"Is that what you want?" I asked with wide eyes.

"No, no we aren't doing that!"

"Doing what?" I said innocently

"Lila, I can practically see the judgment oozing out of you right now," he said while angrily stirring the pot of pasta sauce.

"Well, Jon I'm truly sorry for even inquiring about if you WANT to get married."  

"That's your problem, sometimes you're so judgemental and cold. Sometimes logic and common sense isn't a skill, it's a weakness. Well, Lila, I'm truly sorry you have never felt love like I have for Alex and unless you change your attitude you probably never will," Jon spat. 

"Wow, say less," I mumbled hopping off the stool and storming into my bedroom. 

Geez, tell me how you really feel, I thought to myself. That was a low blow for my so-called best friend. Maybe he's right, I had no idea I come off as cold or judgmental. People have always told me I am nice, but I guess no one is going to tell me I'm a judgemental bitch, oh except Jon.

Five minutes later I hear a light knock on my bedroom door. 

"As long as your name does not begin with the letter J, you are welcome to come in" I make sure to say loud enough so Jon can hear me from the kitchen. If it's not clear yet, we're a pretty passive-aggressive bunch. 

Addy entered my room and launched herself on my bed and scooped me into a hug. "I heard everything and I want you to know that I am on your side in this situation and Jon is definitely being a prick."

I stared at my ceiling and took a deep breath "No, he's right," I sighed "I mean he could have said it in a nicer way but he definitely isn't wrong. I was being judgemental, but I think it's because in a way I am jealous of what he has. Hell, I'm jealous of what you have with Chris too. I'm just lonely I guess." 

"Lila, why didn't you ever say anything. I just assumed you wanted to be single, you never seem upset when we all go out together." Addy said slightly hurt. 

"Or maybe I just get drunk enough to the point where I can entertain myself. Honestly, I didn't even realize it until Harry pointed it out a few months ago. I was in denial, but he's right and Jon's right." I said as a single tear fell down my cheek which Addy wiped away in record time. 

"Does that me I'm forgiven," I looked up to see Jon standing in the doorway and motioned for him to join us on the bed. 

"Yeah, you're still a prick, but I guess some tough love is necessary at times," I said while playfully shoving him off of my bed. 

"So what I'm hearing is we are going to have a wine night and dating app party tonight. We're finding you a man tonight," Addy clapped excitedly.

"Oh gosh, not dating apps," I groaned as both Addy and Jon looked at me. "I mean I'm completely open-minded to this opportunity," I smiled sheepishly.

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