Chapter 20: Welcome to My Playground

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There is a lady there. A very scantily dressed lady. A lady without any things on except a teeny weeny bikineey.

Next thing I know, the cheesecake slips out of my delicate paper thin and white hands. The moist thwap as it hits the floor catches the attention of the intertwined bodies.

"Oh my god, she dropped a cheesecake!!" the scantily dressed exotic white lady belts.

"Alright, she dropped the cheesecake. No need to panic." Yigksngi says in his calming deep baritone tenor bass. He takes the Juul out of behind his ear and sticks it in his nostril. He takes a gigantic whiff and puffs it out in a perfectly shaped heart.

After I get over the loss of the cheesecake, I look back up at Yoongyyan.

"Uhhh, what were you guys up to???" I ask nervously.

Yooionstgyh takes a frightened glance at me, then the bimbo. We stare at him for a solid five seconds, before he spins 180 degrees and nosedives out of the open window. I wait to hear a crunching of bones against the ground. We're in a penthouse, for goodness sake, he could die on his fall out the window!

But I don't hear it. Hopefully he survived.

I turn my attention back to the bimbo. She stared back at me with beady eyes.

"Who are you and what are you doing in Yonguiuo's house?" she says with contempt and disdain.

"Who are you and why are you in my house?" I cross my arms and tap my toes impatiently against the ground.

"Yongyu was my one o'clock appointment..." she retorts, narrowing her eyes at me. "I'm assuming you're his two thirty?"

"Wha-" my mouth falls open like a goldfish. How dare she assume that I would fall down as low as to book 90 minute erotic sessions with strangers... I already have enough of that with Jungkook ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), even if his are 90 seconds.

Suddenly, the window pops open again, and a face appears.

"Jeezus Louizus!" I yell. How are people getting into this house so easily???

A pregnant pause occurs. Then, the man narrows his eyes at me. "Wait... are you the woman that my wife's boyfriend is cheating on with?"

I blink twice to understand and process such difficult syntax. The bimbo's husband is mad at Yoongi for cheating on the bimbo with... me??? How does that even work??? Then, I scrunch my nose in anger. "NO, YOUR WIFE IS THE ONE CHEATING ON YOU WITH MY HUSBAND." There , I said it. I established my dominance as the prevailing female in this household.

The woman makes a face. "Yongyu is married? That means he broke the contract! I don't wreck families! I only date exclusively single men with crippling emotional issues!"

I can feel the anger boiling inside me. I want to jump her and rip her hair out! Grrr!

Just as I'm about to dive for her, she looks at her watch and says, "Oh look, it's 2:30! I have to go to my next appointment!" She cartwheels off the bed and out of the window. The man there somehow opens his arms to catch her. They disappear, almost like magic.

I stand still like a tree or a few minutes to process what just happened. Then I cannonball out the window.



"Hey."

"Hey," Yoyoongi mumbles. I sit down next to him on the swing set of the nearby playground, coincidentally named "Bangtan Playground." I guess they own this place too. Yoongi takes out his Arvin's Cheesy Tomato Pasta Primavera (TM) flavored Juul pod. He takes a hearty inhale and lets it out with a tired groan.

"Everything okay?" I ask concernedly. He starts to nod, but then he is overcome by emotion and shakes his head instead.

"My cocaine addiction is depleting my funds. I don't know if I can go on any longer..."

I hum. "How did this addiction even start?"

Yookjhngi's eyes gloss over as he gazes off into the horizon.

"I was orphaned when I was just a wee child, and ever since then, I've hopped from foster home to foster home, never knowing when I would find a real family. I have suffered and in pain. And ever since then, my serotonin levels have been at the minimum, and thus, I resorted to taking multiple drugs at once in order to increase my dopamine and testosterone levels, just to survive. It's pretty dope, though. Jjeoreo!"

I open my mouth in disbelief. I cannot believe he would have such a tragic backstory. My oppar went through so much at such a young age.... Just like me. Losing my father at three years old, who left me with a Gucci wallet and a pair of Louis Vuitton slippers.

"How old were you when you were orphaned?" I ask.

"I was..." Yongu looks over his shoulder and puffs out a white cloud. It smells extremely cheesy. "I was... twenty two."

I make the 😱😱😱😱 face. It must be so painful for him.

He stares at me in silence, and then tilts the Juul USB, looking at me. "Want a whiff?"

"I... My mom said I should always say no to drugs."

"You're not with your mom anymore," Yongyu says with a devilish smirk. "We adopted you, remember? If anything I'm your mom now. Call me Eomma Yongyu."

My mouth falls open again. "EOMMA YONGUYU??"

"Yes, I like the sound of that," he says, and he takes another inhale of his Juul. Is this a kink??? I don't think too hard on it because there's too much basil-y, cheesy, tomato-y goodness in the air.

Just then, a loud ring fills the air, vibrating from my booty. I'm starting to get used to that feeling! I take out my Blackberry iPhone and take a look at the screen. On top of my Naruto screensaver is a bright red notification in all caps.

AMBER ALERT. DUE TO THE PANDEMIC CORVID-2020, ALSO KNOWN AS THE CARANO VIRUS, ALL CITIZENS IN THE CITY MUST RETURN HOME AND STAY IN SHELTER FOR THE NEXT MONTH. THANK YOU.

"Yoinks, Yongyu! Did you get the text?" I said.

He looks at me grimly like I just stole his Juul or something. "Yes. It means I'm going to lock myself in the studio for the next month making mediocre SoundCloud raps to make enough money to keep us going for the next four weeks."

Grabbing my hand, he yanks my butt off the ground and we run home.. He runs fast for someone who Juuls so much. How are his lungs still that healthy???

"YONGGYUY we need to get you home PRONTO!!" I yell, pulling my arm away from his. I take a measured six-feet steps away from him. "According to the BANGTAN news channel, You're in the high risk category! You Juul! You could die!!"

"I'll be fine," Yongyuj says, shoving the Juul up his nostril. It disappears as if it were a pocket made just for the Juul. I'm a little confused, but it's okay. I have to get my EOMMA home!!!!!!

"No, we have to go home. You could be infected already." I say, matter of factly. I can't believe I'm acting as the more mature one now. He's like, 7 years older than me.

"No, you don't understand." Yongyu responds, his voice is gruff like a smoker's. "We need to go to the store to buy cheesecake. YOU dropped mine earlier and I need to replenish!"

"Absolutely not." I decide it's time for drastic measures. I pull out my phone once again and order an Uber. Apparently it's some guy named Chen.

Yongyu seems like he is trying to run away, so I scoop him up in my arms like a gigantic pale skinny cat and start bolting to where the Uber will come to pick us up. I am surprisingly strong. It must be the eggs Sockgin cracked on my head.

The Uber rolls in and I throw Yongu into the car to make sure he doesn't escape. Who knows, he might go and try to buy a cheesecake flavored Juul pod!

"WHERE TO?" says the oovoo javer. I glance into the rearview mirror and see that his belly is very swollen like a pregnancy. Wha-

"1234 Bangtan Street, please," Yoongy says sadly. We pull up to the coup 10 minutes later, and I kick him inside the door.

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