METANOIA | TK

Chapter Six

Hello! I hope you're all safe and well!

Enjoy!

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Jeongguk is working on his newest project when he hears someone knocking on his door rather loudly, something unexpected since he has a doorbell attached to it.

He knows it's probably Namjoon because no one in their right state of mind would keep knocking while serenading words from various books in a — Jeongguk's not mean but still, pretty unpleasant tone.

"I'm coming, just stop. I have neighbors." He mumbles, opening the door widely, a grinning Namjoon waiting for him behind it.

"You live in a penthouse, the only neighbors you have are the birds that float around your balcony, bringing you harmony and showing you that the concept of freedom can't be understood by humans at all since we're all just caged in this world, unlike those free joyous things."

That's true but Jeongguk still shakes his head, closing the door after Namjoon shuffles inside, his large glasses perched on his nose as he takes a seat on one of his kitchen stools and almost falls off it.

They glare at each other for a few minutes before the older understands that he has to state his reason for being there.

"Yoongi sent me to check up on you." Namjoon's voice is serious, his hands clasped as he frowns towards him.

Jeongguk sighs.

"Yoongi certainly didn't send you to check up on me."

The whole façade falls and Namjoon's eyes drop to the floor as he starts playing with his odd woolen coat.

"Okay, Yoongi didn't send me to check up on you but I still have a reasonable reason for being here."

He isn't that bad of a friend so he decides to give the other something to drink, the only things stacked in his fridge being either energy drinks or bottles of water. He takes one of each out and a glass, sitting on a stool in front of Namjoon as the other goes for the water and starts pouring himself some.

"So? It's not like I mind but it's the middle of the night and ordinary people probably sleep at this hour."

Namjoon's eyes go large as he swallows, his finger pointed towards Jeongguk as he begins speaking.

"Exactly, right? So why aren't we sleeping, Gguk? It's because we both aren't ordinary, no one is. You see, the concept of normality is just something people tend to establish to put themselves into a category but normality doesn't exist. We're all different subjects with distinct traits that differentiate us so saying someone is normal, basic, is just a way of putting them into a category that doesn't exist so, basically, normal people don't exist."

The thing is, Jeongguk is already used to Namjoon's intellect and his unusual mindset but, sometimes, he's still wondering if his friend is insane or just strangely intelligent. Frowning, he decides to nod instead of asking because he once did that and Namjoon talked about the fact that every individual human being was insane in their own sane way for almost two hours.

"I get what you're saying but why are you telling me this in the middle of the night on a work day? And where's Yoongi?" He asks, knowing that Yoongi would've probably followed him wherever he went since Namjoon tended to go with the flow a little bit too much sometimes and put himself in risky situations.

"I told him I'm leaving on a trip of knowledge and he just nodded before waving me off. Such a supporting fiancé."

Yea, Yoongi was probably asleep by now.

"Okay, so why did you come to me for knowledge?"

"Because, Gguk, I think you have a distinct perspective of the world than the rest of the people I know. You're this distant person that likes to cage himself behind a façade when, in reality, you need devotion and warmth more than everyone else. Jeongguk, were you lonely as a child? Did you get bullied a lot? Did Yoongi beat you up? Did he steal your toys?"

Jeongguk takes a deep breath, massaging his temples. "Namjoon," the other raises his brows, nodding for him to continue "are you high?"

His friend puts up his arms and smiles which answers Jeongguk's question better than any words could.

"Of course! High on knowledge. See, I thought about you and I realized something. I think you need a push, Jeongguk. You're scared of everything, you're scared of going out, you're scared of people and love and you're even more scared of loving. You need a push, you need someone forcing those feelings into you before you lose yourself in a sea of loneliness and sadness although you might already be there. Jeongguk, do you know what you have to do?"

He needs to finish his damn building and sleep, that's what he has to do but he still shakes his head. "What?"

"You have to lose yourself in order to find the real you. But I think you've been lost for years so you just need to find the Jeongguk behind this Jeongguk."

Namjoon's words don't make sense at all, but Jeongguk understands the message behind them in some way. However, he still decides to avoid it and hide behind his wall, like he's been doing all these years. Namjoon is right, he always was and always will. He had that strange ability of knowing what people really went through and it scared Jeongguk but, apart from his strange way of expressing himself, Namjoon did help him at times.

Just not now.

"I'll call you a taxi, Joon."

His friend flashes him a smile, one that doesn't show any enjoyment or happiness. Namjoon always smiled like he understood him, like he saw parts of Jeongguk that he didn't even know himself.

"Gguk, don't run away. We, sometimes, have to grip things and hold on to them in order to survive. We sometimes have to find our anchors to get past the storm."

Jeongguk watches him leave and wonders if Namjoon's actually a mind reader or if his brain starts working better whenever he smokes something.