DESIRED (BWWM)

Telling Mia

Renée

This is the most amazing thing I've ever tasted, I mean the flavours are exquisite," I say to Mia as I sit on her bed.

"It's french toast, Ren it's not that deep. Now stop buying time and tell me something, anything"

Sighing I swallow what I have in my mouth before speaking.

"I don't know where to start," I say chewing on my thumb until it hurts.

"I don't know Ren, maybe start with the freaking bloody nose!"

She shouts and I flinch a little.
"I fell down the stairs?" I ask and she rolls her eyes"

"Yeah down the stairs and right into someone's fist. Start talking Renée, I mean it," I let the air out of my cheeks slowly before speaking.
"Elijah and I kissed," I blurt out in an attempt to distract her and technically we did a little more than just kissed.

My cheeks become red as the image takes center place in my mind. "Shut the front door!" Mia shouts griping my shoulders and shaking me.

"When did this happen? How did this happen? Are you shitting me? Because I feel like you're shitting me," she says bearly breathing as she fires questions at me.

I give her a nervous smile before attempting to answer her questions.

"I can't really remember when it happened and I don't know how it happened and no I'm not shitting you,"  I say and she lays down on her bed with a puff as she runs her hands through her hair.
"I think my brain just exploded,"

She mumbles and I bite my lips not knowing what to say. "Was it good?" She asks almost hesitantly. "Wait don't answer that, oh who am I kidding please answer that!" she begs and I shrug my shoulders.

"It wasn't once," I say as nonchalantly as I can  and her mouth drops open.
"Renée!" She shouts making me jump and accidentally fall of the bed.

"What?"
"Don't what me young lady, all this happens and you don't tell me," Mia says now practically fuming. "I thought you'd be disgusted," I reply somewhat truthfully and she joins me on the floor.

"You're my best friend Ren, my sister from another mother, there is literally nothing you could do that would make me disgusted"

"That doesn't stop me from being disgusted with myself," I explain and we are both quiet for a while.

"Your mother doesn't know yet?" Mia questions and my silence is the only answer she needs, suddenly I don't feel so good anymore. The days incidents are finally catching up to me and Mia's blinds are still closed, the room doesn't have enough air. Everything's spinning. Oh god.

"I don't feel so good," I choke out and Mia jumps into action. "What do you need? Do you have your inhaler? I can't remember if we have any of your old ones,"
I shake my head as I try to control my breathing, bile raising in my throat.

"I think I just need to-" I hold my breath and run to the bathroom where I empty the contents of my stomach. Mia's by my side in seconds, holding my hair behind my back and muttering comforting words.

                            ***
"You don't visit enough," pip complains as misses Addi makes lunch. The story behind my broken nose is simply that me being my clumsy self, tragically fell down the stairs and broke my nose.

Mia had a cow when I finally told her what really happened but I'm just glad to get it off my chest.

"I agree with Philip Renée, you don't visit enough. We miss you"
"I'm sorry misses... I mean mom, I'll try to come over more," I felt a little better after the bathroom incident but I still wasn't a hundred percent and to be honest for some reason I'm anxious to see Elijah again.