Come Gentle Bliss

4) Freedom at last

I stared up at the ceiling, hearing ringing in my ears.

I felt...

Good.

For the first time, I actually felt like I was capable of doing something that made me feel good.

A shake on my shoulder made me come back to the real world and I looked to my side to see Will.

"Don't tell me you're tired." He joked.

I jumped up to quickly embrace him and he chuckled  hugging me back, I didn't want to let him go and he knew it.

"Don't you dare start regretting this now, Cal." He said and we both pulled away.

"What are they doing?" I hear Beatrice asked standing up, I stood up as well and see people were jumping off the train. "They're jumping off?" Will questioned and looked at me. "Obviously!" I answered.

"Till the end of the line?" He asked me and I looked at him.

"Till the end."

The four of us back up a bit and then we run out the doors.

I feel myself flying in the air and land on a roof, I fall on my side and roll on top of Will. He groaned and I quickly apologized, I got off of him and slowly stand up.

"That was probably the most exhilarating thing we've done." He pointed out.

"Oh my god!" Someone yelled, we all turned to look at who said that and we see a Candor transfer looking over the edge where we just jumped off. We all quickly take a look to down below and I covered my mouth as a gasp escaped my lips. "She didn't make it." Will pointed out sounding nauseous, I looked away as her blood began to pool out and I closed my eyes wanting to forget.

"All right, let's back away from here." A dauntless leader said moving us away from the ledge, I opened my eyes again and tried to remain calm.

I looked up to see a man standing by the edge of the roof and I made eye contact with him.

More people jump off the train and I followed the Dauntless as they grouped up around the man on the ledge with other Dauntless borns.

I felt horrible about what happened to that girl.

"Who's he?" Beatrice asked me.

I shrugged since the man was literally staring me down because we were in the front of the group.

"All right, listen up!" The man said gaining everyone's attention and looked away from me. "I'm Eric. I'm one of your leaders." He added and glanced at me, so I kept my eyes on him.

My mother always told me that if a man keeps making you uncomfortable with his stares, stare back to make him uncomfortable.

"If you want to enter Dauntless, this is the way in." He pointed behind him and we all looked to see it was off the building. Meaning we were jumping once again. "And if you don't have the guts to jump, then you don't belong in Dauntless." He finished off.

"Is there water at the bottom or something?" Will asked him.

"I guess you'll find out." Eric answered and I glanced at Will who looked hesitant, and Eric noticed. "Or not." He added.

"We just jumped. They want us to jump again?" The girl we helped our earlier jokingly asked us.

"Someone's gotta go first." Eric pointed out looking at everyone. "Who's it gonna be?" He asked, my heart skipped a beat as everyone grew quiet and that little voice inside me cried out choose for our sake! I take in a breath and no one answered.

And I opened up my trembling mouth.

"I will."

Everyone looked at me surprised and Will stared me down. I ignored everyone's stares and walked towards the the edge, I knew Will was worried, but I have get out of my shell and finally belong in a crowd.

For the first time in my life.

I didn't want to stick out as the daughter of Jeanine Matthews.

I wanted to stick out as me. And only me.

Eric jumped off the ledge to make room for me and I glanced at the bottom before I got up on it. It was a long fall into a deep, dark hole.

I hoist myself up, making sure I kept my balance straight and the wind blew my long hair back. I take in another deep breath and unbuttoned my blue jacket, and start to take it off.

I slightly shook it off me and toss it behind me.

It's okay, Calypso.

Take a deep breath, just jump and it'll be over.

This first jump will change everything and I finally get to be away from my mother, my unloving mother. I moved one foot off the edge and I throw myself off, I looked up at the sky as I'm falling and you'd think when you fall from this height, it would be quick.

But it felt like I was in slow motion.

A smile formed on my face as I was falling and in that moment, it was pure bliss. I felt free as I was falling. I felt happy. In my head, I wanted to close my eyes, but in my heart, I knew I had to keep them open.

My hair was pushed forward as I fell and suddenly I landed, I bounced back up and a gasp escaped my lips. I did not see that coming. All I saw was the great blue sky and this was a moment I wanted to remember.

This was my out of breath moment, my first moment of actual realization of freedom.