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March 26, 2020 - Why I Got So Scared

The video footage coming from China caught my attention. A fast spreading virus with a high death rate gripped parts of the country. Everyone was wearing basic surgical masks. Did they really think those masks protected them from catching the virus? I knew the masks would not provide protection to the wearer. I've since found out this is a courtesy practice in China to try and reduce the transmission of disease. It is not an effort to protect the wearer. That rationale makes more sense to me, but the actual effectiveness of the practice is debatable. I reminded myself to be careful about my assumptions.

Around the world, medical experts and scientists were raising the alarm with strongly worded statements. I understood why. The airlines were still flying in and out of various countries. For decades scientists have warned that the airlines would be the primary way a pandemic agent would spread. There was an urgency in the medical and scientific community that suggested to me I was missing something. It took me about a week to figure it out. When I did, fear flooded my mind and the seed of panic tried to bloom.

When I studied virology, infection and resistance, my professor provided an explanation of a successful infectious agent. A successful infectious agent does not kill a patient quickly. If an infectious agent kills quickly, there is a limited time for the agent to spread. In some cases, the agent dies out of an area. The early descriptions of the COVID-19 were very scary. Symptoms did not display for 6 to 12 days (now the range is 5 to 14 days). Plenty of time for the virus to spread before the patient knew they were sick. Patients often start to get better after a few days and try to resume daily activities. They often relapse into more serious symptoms that may require hospitalization. The death rate was high. I realized COVID-19 was a very successful infectious agent.

Another scenario caught my attention. The isolation of folks on a cruise ship where COVID-19 broke out. I assumed each room on the ship did not have its own ventilation system. If the virus spread through the air, theoretically all the folks on the ship could be exposed. I watched the scenario unfold over time. The number of infections continued to rise. Eventually the decision was made to evacuate the ship and quarantine the travelers. A compassionate choice. What message did I take away? The medical experts and scientists were not confident about the characteristics of this virus.

About this time, I told a friend that I was worried. If the virus got out of control in the United States, the hospitals might be overwhelmed. "I do not want to be in the first big wave of patients," I said. He thought I was being ridiculous and paranoid. I hoped what I thought was happening was incorrect.

As the virus continued to spread, my fear threatened to turn into a panic. I began to try and figure out what I would need before a run on the stores began. I did not want to be in crowds where the virus would rapidly spread.

I stopped attending events where folks were in close proximity. My mind began to race with numerous chores and challenges. I filed my taxes. I got car maintenance performed. I kept my dental appointment. I cursed when my doctor rescheduled an appointment from late February to April. I sighed knowing I could delay it again. I shopped when stores were not crowded. I did not linger at the library. I refilled my prescriptions.

By this time, I was listening to every interview given by a medical or scientific expert. I sensed an honest effort to answer the questions asked, but their wording was very careful. Many seemed to be trying hard to avoid inducing a panic. The data was coming in from China and other countries and they were looking for trends and answers.

As the governor closed down the schools and asked folks to stay at home, the run on the grocery stores began. Did folks realize they were spreading the virus as they shopped in large closely packed crowds? I watched in awe and felt my fear level peak.

A simple act of kindness broke my fear's back. My son did my grocery shopping for me and we had a long conversation over the phone. I realized at this point, that I would have support to help me get through this.

The days rolled on and the governor and state medical director issued orders. I realized our state government was taking this pandemic seriously. What a relief! My near panic eased and fear became more manageable. Citizens and businesses were beginning to listen and comply with the orders. There was a glimmer of hope.

Today I know that our immediate future will be scary. As the number of patients rise and some hospitals are overwhelmed, it will be hard to find a calm state of mind. But if we cooperate and stay at home, we give medical and scientific experts time and resources to find answers and save lives across every age group.

Stay Home! Save Lives!

Copyright 2020 by Cleomez (all rights reserved)