The words echoed through my mind on repeat for month. I couldn't see jack's face without thinking of the word. The word that stabbed so much. the two simple letters at the end of the word Love had changed the entire meaning.
Past tense.
Jack returned my feelings but I was too late. How long would it be too late till he came back to me?
would he ever?
life had changed faster than anyone had expected, graduation was approaching as well as prom and I had made plans to spend the night with corbyn because he had broken up with Christina yet again. Also daniel was going to attend the dance alongside corbyn and I because Jonah hadn't been feeling well latley. I've been worried about Jonah latley but that was nothing new. Corbyn and I had realized that as life moved on and everything around us was beginning to set in place ,Is that nothing was ever going back to the way it used to be.
A few things had set themselves in place and we would just have to countine our lives because things weren't changing. The fact that highschool was nearly complete, that Jonah was never going to be the same, our friendship between us three was beyond repair and that jack loved me.
past tense.
Jack had seemed to have fallen in love without me and I couldn't say it didn't hurt. I thought maybe it was time to move on as well, I couldn't. So I looked to corbyn for repair and it was dangerously the right time for him as well. We were both lonley and desperate for our ex's back that we formed a new bond. It was a different type of bond than we had before, more intimate.
Corbyn was finally letting go of his feelings and explaining how he really felt ever since our lives had a massive shift, it was hurting him as much as myself. He had been practically ditched after we found out Jonah's big secret and had been searching between me and jonah for comfort that neither of us could provide. We had been consumed in our own lives corbyn had decided he would go back to Christina. Now that she was gone he admitted that he felt truly lost again. Without being in a relationship he felt like he lived life without purpose, as pathetic as it sounded him and I shared the same feelings.
Though corbyn amounted to more than just love and affection he just couldn't see it no matter how many times we spent alone in his room during the nights with words of encouragement. He would just always nod and take another sip of beer and pretend, then he would slip up and mention it the next night. I loved corbyn but maybe he was showing me a little too much about myself without my own knowing. He would tell me these things he was feeling and I often found them in myself.
"How is it like to still be loved?" Corbyn questions out of the blue, the three of us as in corbyn daniel and I were laying in the grass of Daniels backyard. The night sky was a stunning navy blue and the stars seemed to be shinning just for us three tonight, though they weren't lifting any spirits. "I'm not sure jonah loves me right now, he's going through it still." Daniel shook his head sitting up and taking a sip of his beer. "Nights like these are the best, I don't have to worry about him tonight."
"Do you not care about him anymore?" Corbyn asked, I thought about how I would feel if jack said that about myself. I wondered if jack ever got tired of worrying about where I was when I snuck off, kept secrets and lied to him. 'Maybe I did deserve the breakup.' I thought. "I care about Jonah so much but.." We both looked at Daniel with shocked expressions, neither corbyn and I expected him to say 'but..'
"Jonah and I had only been together for two months before he fell depressed, but I'm already in love with him. I'm just afraid once Jonah gets better he won't need me as a crutch anymore." Daniel sighed.
"Maybe.." Was all corbyn could say, because that was just how life was. Uncertainty and certainty not comfort when you needed it the most. Corbyn and I didn't know exactly what to say to Daniels sad cries because that was a question only Jonah could answer. Only Jonah could give Daniel true relief.
I sat up and drank my beer quietly, I hated this. A routine of getting tispy and wallowing around, I wanted and needed to feel alive tonight. "Let's go to that stupid party Thomas invited you to." I demanded looking at corbyn and standing. "You really want to party now? It's eleven pm.." corbyn scratches the back of head but stands anyways accompanied by daniel. "I'd like to get wasted tonight." Daniel mumbled surprising the both of us.
Timid, straight A's and good boy Daniel seavey wanted to get wasted.
"Now we have to." I chuckled and corbyn looked back at me with the same grin nodding.
'Fun.' That's all I could think about as I let myself go on the dance floor. Daniel and Corbyns faces were red and the three of us danced like there was no tomorrow, corbyn shook his head his hair going either it and Daniel did the same. We all had at least had two drinks in us and maybe Daniel had a little something else, but who cared? We were having the time of our lives Corbyn stumbled back and forth groaning and laughing. He quickly fell into me and wrapped his hands around my neck. My whole body felt hot and corbyn didn't make things better. Our hot bodies stayed pressed against each others as corbyn struggled to stand on his own,eventually giving up and using me to stand against.
"We're so much better without them!" Corbyn said with a stupid smile on his face and I laughed with a nod. "This is so great! I'm loving tonight!" I yelled back at him over the crowd, I realized I was having so much fun with my friends I never even checked to see who was around. It was just me and my friends having the time of our lives.
"I'm loving you!" Corbyn yelled at me, his face had an obviously blush on it and a glow. The glow was maybe from his sweating, I nodded at him. "I'm loving you too!" I giggled at his silly statement and began to dance again with corbyn still pressed on me. I was feeling so incredibly high, music pumped through the three of us and we felt on a different level. The music was getting so loud and I couldn't hear what was left of my hazy thoughts. I saw jack at the corner of my eye but corbyn began to laugh loudly.
I couldn't stop laughing with him
then corbyn could stop dancing on me.
then corbyn couldn't stop kissing me
then I couldn't stop touching him
then corbyn couldn't stop feeling me
I woke up in a random room at two in the afternoon, A boy sat up straight on the edge of the bed and looked back at me.
it was jack?
'What the hell happened last night?' ___________________________
thoughts?! That was a crazy chapter lol
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