Poems Of Different Kinds

Ghost of You

********03/22/2020********

Hi, Crushie. 

This one's a message for you by the way and it might be the last one. I really have this something that I'd been wanting to tell you.

I clicked your name but ended up removing our nicknames seeing no point in keeping it anymore. So here it is.

I badly miss you. 

I miss how your eyes lights up when you see me. 

How your smile brightens the entire room each time I came into view.

The enthusiasm in your voice even though sometimes you may be lost for words.

Your sweet messages that I highly anticipate each time I open up my mails.

The way you held my hand regardless of  how conscious I am of my imperfection. 

The conversations we have everyday and how we update each other with our lives. 

And in a glimpse. I lost you. I was starting to lose you and I felt it. You were slipping away and I couldn't do anything. How do I save us when the us in my head could just be my mere imagination?

Still, I thank you for being there when I had no one to turn to. I remain grateful for staying by my side when I had one of my biggest storms.

I wanted to run to you again and give you the tightest hug to erase whatever it is that you're battling right now but then you cut the bridges when I was about to start my first step. 

I wanted to reach out to you but your doors slammed hard in front of my face. I'm sorry if I wasn't that much of help to you.

I was indeed wrong to think I'm right entirely. I was afraid. How am I suppose to love you entirely when I haven't figured out my own pieces?

I guess it's only right for you to give me up but I trusted your words so maybe that's why it hurts now. 

I trusted you when you told me wholeheartedly that you'd love me no matter what the odds could be. That you'll wait for me until the right time comes when I'm ready.

And now that I'm okay, I guess I was too focused on readying myself for you that I didn't notice the signs that you have your own battle to fight.

If only I had seen the signs earlier, I could have turned the tables differently. I merely believed your words that you've been healed completely but no.

You're the one who's not up for this. For Us. 

I'm sorry for being insensitive. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for not listening to your silence. I'm sorry for ignoring you the past few days as I was trying to deny the fact that you're slipping away right in front of my eyes. I'm sorry if I'm not too good with words. I'm sorry if you felt like I'm still not opening up to you that much.

So, before you go.

"Was there something I could have said to make it all feel better?"

Before you go. 

I'd like to tell you that I love your imperfections. The way I stay silent as I look up to your face closely as I memorize every details to lock it up in the back of my head in case you'll be out of reach.

Before I delete any memories of what my eyes can see about us, know that it's imprinted in my mind.

You're one of my greatest memories. My T.O.T.G.A perhaps. 

I hope you don't forget the way I made you feel for the shortest time. The borrowed time we had. 

Right now it stings but it'll get by eventually. 

I'd just let this pain be felt until it subsides on its own but until then, the ghost of you will continue haunting me. 

Goodbye, my love.