Poems Of Different Kinds

Slip

It's not you. It's me. 

Lakas maka cliche ng linyahang ito pero kung tutuusin, may point naman talaga. Baka hindi naman talaga nasa partner mo ang mali. Nasa iyo. Sa sarili mo. 

I feel lost. Hindi ko alam kung kelan ito nagsimula at bakit ko hinayaang magkaganito. Noon naman alam na alam ko kung saan ako patutungo. Alam ko ang daan. Pero ano nga bang nangyari?

Yung pamilyar na damdamin na gusto mo ng sukuan ang buhay pero hindi mo alam kung papaano. Gusto mong umusad pero parang nakadikit ang iyong mga paa sa kung nasaan ka na at tila hindi na maiangat ang kahit niisang paa lang. 

Ng napasulyap sa nakaraan, alam kong ang laki ng pinagbago. Nawalan na ng gana sa buhay, bakit ba talaga hinayaan? 

Noon, naipagmamalaki pa ang sarili pero bakit ngayon nanliliit na palagi? 

Bakit hindi na kinakaya, bakit wala na ang lakas na magpatuloy noong kapit na kapit pa sa nasasabing pangarap? 

Kailangan bang mawala ulit ang lahat para malaman ulit ang halaga?

Nasobrahan ba sa kabutihan ng  buhay kung kaya't umaabuso na? Kailangan bang isakripisyo siya para maramdaman mo naman ang halaga na nawala ng parang bula na dahilan ng pagkanda letche letche ng direksyon mo?

Reasons why you should stay: 

-He loves you more than anything and for pete's sake, he remains faithful.

-He never forgets that you are a priority, and never an option.

-You love him, yes. You think about him a lot, Yes. 

-His family knows about you. 

-He does not give you a reason to doubt his abilities and efforts.

-He keeps your relationship sailing smoothly. Kumbaga, siya ang nagdadala. 

-He forgives you, quite easily. He can't get mad for long. Ikaw at ikaw pa din ang susuyuin sa huli.

-He's really clingy in person but that's because he misses you. Most of the time maybe.

-He knows his goals. One of which, is to become a better person for him, and for you.

-You're included in his future plans. To be with you.

Then's what's not to love? This is an open letter for you.

 Ano pa bang kulang niya? Wala. Kasi nga, hindi siya ang may mali kundi ikaw mismo. Naghihintay ka na siya mismo ang may magawa para makasira sa relasyong iniingatan para maging rason na ika'y bumitiw na, gago ka ba?

Alam mo bang andaming naghahangad katulad ng kung anong mayroon ka at alam kong alam mo din na andaming nangangarap na kababaihan, na sana may seseryoso sa kanila ng kagaya niya pero heto nga't abot kamay mo na't nakakapit pa ng mahigpit sa binuong mundo niya kahit niminsan hindi narinig sa bibig mo, na HINDI MO SIYA SASAKTAN. 

Oo, nakakapit siya sa mga katagang iyan. Na hindi mo siya iiwan. Hindi mo sasaktan. Pero ang sinasagot mo, pasensya na hindi ako bibitaw ng pangakong baka mapako.

Ngingiti siya at sasagot na okay lang basta ikaw.

Ganoon ka niya kamahal. Narinig niya sa iyo na alam mong maghihiwalay din kayo balang araw kahit hindi pa ngayon. Alam niya rin kung ano ang nasa iyong isip sa tuwing bumubuo siya ng pangarap niya sa kung anong mangyayari sa inyo mga ilang taon pa. Napapatawa sa sagot mong "kung tayo pa"  pero tagos ulit ang sakit sa kanyang damdamin. 

Reasons why you should leave:

-Find yourself. Find your lost soul. Kung kinailangan mong libutin ang munting mundo mo, gawin mo. You need to get yourself together, before you become toxic to every relationship you have. 

-The longer you hold, the more pain you cause. Love is never good when you're causing so much pain to the other. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve you. 

- You're losing confidence. Insecurities of his past is haunting you. You know she can love harder than what you are giving right now. You know she can do better and you can't. 

-You can't seem to understand some things he share because of your selfishness. You, you and you is all that's important and it's bullshit. 

-You can't easily forgive while he does otherwise. Ever wonder why? Because of your fucking pride. 

-It's never okay for him to hurt you, but it's so easy for you to do so. And that is not really okay. Under any circumstances. 

-You don't want to drown crazily in love with him. All should be under control. Never let this love control you. And that's because you're no risk taker. So leave. 

-You need to feel the pain he felt with you. You may regret and realize this is the wrong decision, and that would then be your greatest karma. 

-You need to let him move freely. He has a life of his own. His world is not entirely with you. Not even a half of it, should be you. Set him free, to be a better version of himself.

-You're not in the right state of mind. He is not a distractionas what you're currently claiming. You're making yourself believe that he is your distraction. To have another reason to let go. But he is not, and never will be. He does everything he can to support you. 

So now, tell me. It's not because you're falling out of love. This has nothing to do with him. 

It's because your slipping out of your own self. Your greatest enemy. 

Then why do you need to get him involved? Why leave? Because, by all means, you don't want him to slip away like how you did. 

You want to slide back up, alone. You're on the point wherein you question your purpose. What is it?

Just, let go. 

Make him understand why, please. Explain as slowly as you can. Make it clear, why it's high time to leave a person like you. 

Do not be fooled by the tears, as this might drag you back. Stop. Just stop and focus. 

Focus. Focus. Focus. 

He'll be okay. Time heals. You would also heal. 

Closure. That's all you can give.