Poems Of Different Kinds

Save You

We all need saving.

"Isang linyang tumatak sa isipan ng ika'y matitigan. 

Ang lalim ng 'yong mga mata sa tuwing napapatingin sa kawalan, pakiusap lang ito'y tigilan bago ka pa tuluyang lumisan."

Deep isn't it? Hi, 22 year-old self.

It's been almost a decade since I wrote something for you so hear me out as I have a message for you. It's been so long since we last spoke. How are you? I'd like to hear that you're fine but by the looks of it, you're far from okay so just don't answer that question and let me speak up my thoughts.

Do you remember that time when you were in your teenage years and the passion burning in your eyes? 

Do you remember how each of your characters slay their roles because they were portrayed based on your personality?

Do you remember how you fought your deepest battles and cried the for the millionth time secretly?

Do you remember the time when everyone turned their back on you but still you held your ground?

Do you remember your darkest days when you thought of just putting an end to it?

Because if you don't. If you don't, I'd like to remind you again that those memories remained clear. It's buried deep just like treasures as these battles are more pure than gold.

Self. You're not ugly even with the saddest eyes on your darkest days. 

You ain't fat like how your mind crumble when you see your reflection in a full-sized mirror. 

Losing confidence for the past years as this bittersweet memory made you feel the ugliest and doubt your capabilities.

Keeps you awake at night thinking what should have been and all those wonderful what if's but more so, are those painful why's. 

Why weren't you good enough? Why not choose you? Why do they think that she's way better every time when you  feel that you're at your best? Why the wrong timing?

Ang hirap. Ang gulo. There's just too many things that I'd like to tell you and an entire book may not be enough. 

Tandaan mo lang ang sinabi ko sa simula. Yes, we all need saving but the best one who can save you, is you. 

You're drowning slowly but deeply and before you reach the depths of the ocean, rise back up. You can do it, please. 

Lumaban ka. Be in that battle trance. Chin up. Remember how you fought so hard before so do it again now because you need it so much. 

They can support you but they can't help you as you're the only one who can understand you. 

Kaya lang ang gulo. Ba't kasi ganito? Kung kelan masayang-masaya ka na. Yung tipong iniiba mo na ang pananaw sa mga bagay at tao sa paligid mo tapos ayan na naman. 

Biglang bagsak ulit.

Red. The color red is my favorite color and that's not a good sign, I tell you. Red signifies anger, thirst, and sweetness at the same time. The way my eyes sees red burns deeper than fire. 

Red. Why are you so tempting? Go the fuck away. 

I know. I know I made a mistake but that doesn't make me less of a person and so are you. It doesn't have to be done that way.

Alam mo yung feeling na isang araw ang sarap sarap mabuhay and the next day parang nakakasawa ng gumising. That escalated too quickly. 

Alcohol comes in and becomes the so called escape pero hindi naman talaga. The happiness it provides is blissful when in fact its temporary. 

"Save me, please." sigaw ng kanyang puso.

Nanghihingi ng tulong sa mundong ibabaw na kung saan maraming tao ang mababaw

Sa isip nila'y biro ang ganito pero maraming buhay na ang nasawi at nabago

Isa, dalawa, tatlo hanggang isang libo, magbibilang ako

Tama na, humupa ka na, tantanan mo na ang isip kong magulo at ang puso kong durog na pilit na pinagtatagpi-tagpi pa

Sugat na mababaw sa paningin nila pero sa aking pagkatao ay kumakain na

Dilim, sugat, sakit ng pakiramdam na tila hindi sigurado kung masakit ba talaga dahil namamanhid na

Gusto kong matulog, matulog ulit ng mahimbing kung saan walang mararamdaman na kahit anong kimkim

Tulog na siyang madilim ngunit walang halong sakim sa pusong naghahangad ng payapang kaytagal ng di umuusad

Hindi ko alam kung papaano lampasan pero ang sagot naman ay pagmamahal at dasal, oo alam ko pero sa panahong ganito

Sarili ko ang kalaban ko kaya pakiusap wag mo kong husgahan dahil paulit-ulit mo mang itanong sa akin kung napaano ba talaga ay libo-libong tanong lang din ang bubuo sa aking isipan

Dahil hindi ko alam, maniwala ka pati ako ay hindi. ko. alam. 

Lahat ng bagay raw ay walang kasiguraduhan kaya ba ang damdamin minsan ay masarap paglaruan?

Hindi. Hindi dapat. Sabi ng pagkatao ko pero bumubulong ang kabila pa na Oo. Okay 'yan. Dapat lang sa kanila iyan. 

Ang hirap makipagtalo sa gyerang walang nananalo lalo na't ang kalaban ay sarili mo mismo

Ilang luhang pumatak na mabilis pa sa tagatak ng ulan mula sa kalawakan na kasinglalim ng aking isipan ngunit ganoon pa din

Isa, dalawa, tatlo hanggang isang libo, magbibilang ako

Magbibilang ako hanggang sa dumating ang araw na masasagip ko na ang sarili ko

I'll start saving me before I keep saving others. I won't forget me before I think of others' feelings. I'll start saving me before it's all too late to keep going.

Save yourself, 22-year old self.

'Til we meet again in another decade.