just ash

chapter 16

Ash told her mom everything.

She told her about the decline of her and Drew's relationship before Ash had even left for Korea, then about meeting Namjoon and who he really was. She told her how she had kept everything from Drew until that morning, dragging him along like some kind of safety blanket. She told her how she had somehow constructed this fantasy world with Namjoon, and she told her how it had all inevitably backfired.

"Ma, I r-ruined everything. Everything. I don't know what to d-do. I w-wanna go home," Ash hiccupped.

Luz had remained quiet as Ash layed it all out besides the occasional hum or click of her tongue. Ash's mother had always been a good listener. But she also wasn't one to sugar coat things.

"You're not coming home," Luz said sternly, and it only made Ash cry harder. She felt fifteen again – dumb and a little hysteric.

"Ma, I can't s-stay."

"Yes you can, and you will."

"Mamá – "

"Escúchame, corazón," Luz cut Ash off, but her voice was softer. Ash sucked in her bottom lip and tried to swallow her sobs. "I know it feels like you have no choice, but that's not true. Up until now, you've made all these choices, no? You chose to go to a new country, you chose this job, you chose to pursue that boy, and you chose to keep it from Drew." Ash dragged in a shaky breath. "Sure, coming home is a choice you could make now, but we both know that wouldn't fix anything."

"I've made stupid decisions up to now, what's another one going to hurt?" Ash heard her mother's sigh through her phone's speaker, and she could imagine the exasperated look Luz was probably making.

"Don't let your decisions and mistakes define you, corazón. Let them teach you," Luz urged. Ash both hated and loved how her mom was always right. She pouted out her bottom lip. "I can sense you pouting, Ash. Stop that." Ash rolled her eyes. "We don't get any re-dos, but we sure as hell can look back at what we've done and learn from it."

"But Ma, what if I just make it worse?"

"But what if you don't?"

Ash groaned.

"Mija, nobody's perfect. Not a single person involved in this mess is perfect. Not you, not your Kpop boyfriend, not your roommate, not Drew, nadie."

"I don't know, Ma, Namjoon is pretty perfect," Ash mumbled, feeling like she was going to start crying again. "I don't deserve him. He's probably never gonna talk to me again."

"¡Las tonterías!"

Luz's yell made Ash flinch against her pillows.

"That boy is just as human as you. I don't care how famous he is, he is still a regular boy who likes you. I bet he is hurting right now, too. I guarantee he doesn't want you to treat him differently because of his status. He wants you to like him back, and he wants you to show it."

Ash paused. It couldn't be that simple, could it?

"Well, I do like him...a lot," Ash sighed.

"I know you do. Wanna know how I can tell?"

"How?"

"This whole time you've only talked about him. You haven't once cried over the fact that you and your boyfriend of three years broke up, like, ten minutes ago."

The woman had a point.

"Ma, what do I do?"

"You clean up your mess, corazón."