More Than Just Cold Feet

Chapter 1

"And do you, Emma Swan, take this man to be your husband and love him for all eternity?"

Killian had a sweet smile on his lips. His gaze was filled with love and hope, his eyebrows slightly scrunched. He was very attractive and I loved him very much.

However, lately, I didn't know in what way I loved him, anymore. A month ago, I was convinced that Killian was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He made me happy and safe. Yet, the "I do" didn't leave my mouth so easily, and the very reason for that was sitting in the crowd, among all the others that had their eyes fixated on me.

Regina Mills would never admit out loud that she didn't want me to marry Hook. All she wanted was for me to be happy and I'd been certain for a long time that I was to say "I do", this very second. Me agreeing to this marriage would mean I'd spend the rest of my life with Killian and not with the woman who had so suddenly changed my life forever.

A few weeks ago. Hook had left on the Nautilus and Snow, Emma and Regina were in a bar.

Not once in my life had I ever figured I'd see Snow White drunk. Yet, I couldn't say I was disappointed to experience it. My mother was throwing knives with full confidence, having made some bet with random dudes, and I had to admit that I was quite impressed.

One after one, she threw the knives in the bull's eye and looked smugly at the other men, that clearly didn't stand a chance.

My gaze drifted off to the clock hanging above the many bottles of liquor and other strong drinks. Exactly forty two seconds had my mother's drunken state been a distraction for me. No more, no less.

There were but a few drops left in my glass and I stared intensely at the way they moved to each other, whenever I tilted the glass. However, it was not enthralling enough to make me forget about Hook. To accomplish that, I had to finish at least five more of these glasses and I was planning on doing so.

I simply couldn't wrap my head around the entire situation. Killian and I had been through literal Hell together, yet we'd always found our way back to each other. Yes, there'd been some bumps in the road, but that didn't make me love him any less.

And now, he'd just left without saying a word.

Killian had done horrible things in his life, but I knew he regretted them. I knew he'd changed. The fact that he hadn't even talked to me about him murdering my grandfather made me feel as though he didn't trust me.

Didn't he know me and my parents enough that he knew we'd forgive him?

I'd always forgiven him, in any situation. We could work things out, we were strong like that. But God knew where he was now. Somewhere far away, running from his problems. Running from me.

"Emma!"

I quickly looked up, startled. Regina had her eyebrows furrowed and looked rather concerned.

"What?" I asked. It came out much harsher than I intended.

"You're crying," Regina replied and she grabbed a tissue from the bar. She held it up for me, but I didn't grab it. Instead, I looked at her in utter confusion. I wasn't crying.

The corner of her lip turned slightly upwards, and she wiped my cheek with the napkin. Apparently, tears had escaped, without me noticing.

"Sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean to startle you, but you seemed really far away. Do you want to talk about it?"

No. I didn't want to talk. Everything sucked and Killian sucked most of all. Especially because I loved him, so very deeply. I just didn't want to bother Regina with all my thoughts. She looked worried, but I didn't want to worry her. I didn't want to make her upset in any way. I'd done that enough in my life.