Nebraskan Boys Will Be the Death of Me

Chapter 16: Restart

My heart sinks to the deepest pit in my stomach as we pull into Mack's driveway. I spot Jack's jeep immediately. My palms are so sweaty. I rub them against my thighs, taking a moment to register what I'm about to do.

"I don't think I can do this. I'm not ready," I confess, looking at Mara hoping she'll sympathize. 

"Ollie go inside, we'll catch up with you," she says, unlocking his door. He hops out and jogs to the front door and disappears inside.

"Audrey, I've known you practically my whole life. I know you're scared. Sam is a safety net that you can't let go of and you don't have to, but you can't have both of them the way you want," she talks to me like she's my mom.

"I just--I don't know what to do. They mean so much to me and I already fucked it up with both of them," I sigh.

"No, that's what you keep telling yourself so you don't have to do anything. You and I both know Sam is in the palm of your hands and if you chose him, he'd take you in an instant. But you don't know Jack and that's what scares you," she looks at me and I have to look away because I know she's right. "If you fight for Jack, things will eventually get better but nothing is going to change if you don't do something about it."

"It's crazy, Mar. He's from a different planet or something. I don't think I've ever known anyone like him. He's so--I can't even find the words. He makes every part of me melt when I hear him say my name," I choke. I feel a knot in my throat and know if I keep talking about him, I'll start crying. "He makes me feel beautiful and I swear when I look at him, I see magic in his eyes. I sound crazy. This isn't The Notebook," I laugh uncomfortably. I look over and Mara and she's smiling at me.

"Hell, if you don't fight for this, I will. I'll march right in there and tell Jack to take you back," she giggles. 

I lean my head back and screech. 

"What am I gonna say? He won't listen to me!" All this hope is building up inside of me and I'm starting to feel giddy. I don't want to go in there and make things worse. 

"Just talk," she soothes.

I get out of her car and walk to the front door. I look at her and she gestures to the door handle. I grab it, taking a second, and push it down, walking in. I hear voices in the living room. We enter and I see the boys spread out on the couches. Jack and Johnson are in front of a laptop talking. I'm guessing they're on YouNow. I walk over to the couches and Big Mike stands up, pulling me in for a hug. The boys go quiet. Jack looks up from the laptop and his face goes white. He looks back down to the laptop and mutes the mic. 

"Can we talk?" I ask in front of everyone.

"You need to go," Brock interrupts.

I look over at him. He and I don't really know each other but he's one of Jack's friends and he has every right to protect him.

Jack unmutes the mic. "I'll be back later, guys," he says to the screen. He hands the laptop to Johnson and walks past me up the stairs. I glance around the room and catch eyes with Sam. The corners of his mouth turn up and I have to look away. I quickly follow Jack and hear everyone begin speaking again once I'm gone.

I find Jack in Mack's room sitting on the bed. I stop at the door. I don't know if I should approach him or not. He looks up and I know it's okay for me to enter. I sit down next to him and fiddle with my fingers.

"I don't know what to say," I let out finally.

My words vanish into the air and silence surrounds us again. Jack lifts his hand and runs it through his hair, sighing.