Imprinted Memories

A Familiar Feeling Of Distrust And Guilt

“Iz, I don't know what to think anymore. Jonathan seemed really shocked when he was arrested and I don't want to believe, my own brother would hurt me like that. But then I can't stop thinking about what he did in the past and... I want him to be innocent but... What if I trust him and then he'll betray me again?”

“I never said that it'll be an easy decision. I didn't want to tell you but Consul Penhallow wants to execute him by the end of the week, regardless if he confesses or not.”

“Can she do that?”

“Only with overwhelming evidence which she doesn't really have and that he didn't confess should lay grounds for enough doubts to at least postpone it.”

“I really don't know if I can face him.”

“Or could you access Jace's memories of the attack?”

“No, he needs to be actively willing to share that with me and I don't know if that would worsen his condition.”

“Clary, I hate to point this out. But do you really want to find out later that Jonathan was innocent after he was executed? Could you live with that?”

“No, of course not but I don't feel like I can handle it.”

“You're the closest to him and you always said, he would never be able to deceive you.”

“I can't leave Jace alone.”

“I'll stay here and if something happens, I'll let you know immediately, okay?”

“I need to think about it for a while. Can I tell you tomorrow how I decide?”

Izzy sighed.

“Okay, but please if you can make a quicker decision, let me know.”

“I will but I really have to think about it.”

“I understand. I wanted to go out for lunch with Simon to Taki's. Should we bring you something?”

“No; I'm not that hungry but thank you.”

Clary got up, stretching herself a bit with a painful noise before she hugged Izzy. 

“Is there anything else you need?”

“No, I have everything I need except for...”

“I know but enjoy the calm as it lasts. You'll be annoyed by Jace's cocky behavior sooner than you think.”

“Right now I wish I could hear that.”

“I know.”

After Izzy had left, Clary snuggled up to Jace's side, once again being painfully aware of him not responding to her touch. 

“I wish I could talk to you and it wouldn't only be a monologue. I don't know what to think and what to believe anymore. If it really was Jonathan, then I don't know how I should ever forgive myself for putting you in danger. And if he'd be innocent, I put him in danger because someone tried to frame him to have him executed. I also attacked him very harshly. I don't want to feel sorry for myself but I feel like it was all my fault. I've always fought so hard for what I believed in and now I don't know what is right. Don't I owe it to Jonathan to find out if he's innocent? Izzy's right when she says, he's my family and the only blood related family I have left. I'm afraid to find out that I either trusted too easily or that I got manipulated and mistook my brother for a ruthless monster. I know you would most likely tell me to do what feels right for me and that I never stopped believing in the good in people but right now... And after what I said to him, I don't know if he would talk to me at all after what I said to him. I don't know what had gotten into me but seeing you being hurt, something inside of me snapped. I have to admit, some things Izzy said made sense but I'm so torn and I don't know what to do.”