Imprinted Memories

A Trip Down Memory Lane Pt 2

“What if I changed, what if there is too much darkness in me? What if being influenced by Valentine during my childhood made me amenable to evil?” Jace's voice was barely more than a hoarse whisper thick of tears.

He couldn't bear to look into Clary's eyes. Nonetheless he looked up when he felt her hands softly caress his face.

“Jace...”

“No please, let me finish. It felt like I had been watching myself from the outside committing all these horrible things. I begged him to stop, to let me go but all he did was laughing at me, mocking me he would take away everything and everyone I love while I was trapped in my own mind with uncounted corpses of you. I thought, it would mean comfort to see you there but every time I got close to you, I stabbed you. I tried to change the outcome but it always ended the same. I tried to escape through killing myself but no matter how deep I cut, there was never blood. When I threw you off that roof, I offered him myself to spare you but it was futile. I couldn't bear this feeling of betraying you when I heard my voice telling you, I wouldn't love you anymore. I was screaming inside against it that it wasn't me, wasn't the truth but nothing I did could stop him.”

“He had to weaken and break you. And this wasn't fully possible before you fell out of love with me. Lilith could only achieve this by magic. If you'd be prone to malicious influences, it wouldn't have taken that long and such measures to get to you. Despite what Valentine put you through and the vicious things he taught you, it didn't destroy you. It is as if you knew, you weren't to follow his path. You care about people, you cared about me when I didn't know what I was supposed to do in this world. But most importantly you're still able to love and I don't mean love which would mostly only benefit yourself. You rather accept unhappiness for yourself if that ensures the well being and happiness of those you care about. I rarely met someone who loves so selflessly like you do. Neither Valentine nor Lilith and her Owl could take that away from you. And this should tell you all you need to know about the man you are. Jace, regardless of what happened it didn't change the way I see and feel about you.”

Jace closed his eyes under Clary's touch, relishing in the comfort the soft gesture of her small hands on his face held before he opened his eyes again.

“Can you forgive me?”

“Jace, there is nothing I have to forgive.”

“I don't know if I can forgive myself even if I wasn't myself.”

“It will take time and I wish, I could tell you, it would be easier.”

“Do you think, it is possible?”

“After all we've seen so far? At this point in my life I think, everything is possible.”

Jace couldn't say anything while one of his hands found its way around the back of her neck to pull her close. He buried his head at her shoulder and Clary stroke soothingly over his back. They lost track of how long they had been sitting like this. Jace pulled back a little before he brushed his nose against hers.

“I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you.”

“How did you find me?”

“It was Luke. He found out the apartment left traces when it moved, so we could track the locations.”

“Impressive. Do you think, I can return to New York?”

“You mean we.”

“Jace, what are you talking about?”

“I won't leave you alone here.”

“You can't do this.”

“I can and I will. I just found you, I don't care what Consul Penhallow says, if she won't keep her promise, we both won't return.”

“Are you sure?”

“I won't let you go again. I don't care if it's the Clave, Lilith, Jonathan or anyone else who wants to tear us apart.”

“So what do we do now?”

“In terms of what?”

“What we're going to do until we know if we can go home or not. I mean, if the Clave would have reinstated the kill order on me, Alec would have told us by now, don't you think?”

“I guess, you're right.”

“And after all we deserve to feel a bit of normalcy. I know, we'll talk plenty about what had happened when we're back in New York, so for now I just want to enjoy Paris a bit. And I'm nearly starving.”

Jace took her hand and softly kissed her knuckles before he smiled.

“I don't want to be responsible for you starving, I know your hangry mood and it's not pretty.”



A short while later they strolled through Montmartre. For everyone passing them by they just looked like a normal couple enjoying their trip to Paris. Clary couldn't stop herself from smiling whenever she realized, Jace wouldn't let go of her hand and how he seemed to relax more with every minute passing. Both knew, there were tons of questions which demanded answers once they would get back to the institute about what happened, if and how her bond with Jonathan could be broken up but for now she was just content to spend time with Jace. After enjoying an early dinner at a small bistro and Clary being taken by surprise by Jace's French language skills, they ended up sitting outside a café for a glass of wine before they would head back to the boarding house .

“I think, I always wanted to visit Montmartre because it reminds me of some van Gogh paintings. I wish, I would have one of my sketchbooks with me.”

“Just give me a moment. I'll be right back.”

“What?”

Clary looked a bit confused after Jace and she chuckled when she saw him talking to the one of the street artists near by before he came back with a sketch block.

“What have you done?”

“I told him, my girlfriend is an art student who can't enjoy her short trip to Paris because she forgot her sketchpad.”

“You're crazy. But how should I draw something? I don't have any charcoal or pencils with me.”

“You don't but I have,” Jace interjected and pulled a small piece of charcoal from his pocket.

“Why are you carrying a piece of charcoal with you?”

“I took it from your room at the institute. I wanted something connected to you I could carry with me all the time.”

Clary felt herself tearing up a little but she blinked it away. She squeezed his hand when he sat down next to her again and leaned onto his shoulder.

“I didn't know you could speak French.”

“Part of training and education.”

“Book club?”

“Not exactly. You know these exchange students programs?”

“Yeah, why?”

“A few years back a group of French Shadowhunters stayed at the New York institute for a while.”

“And you wanted to make them feel welcome, I see,” Clary smirked.

“Are you making fun of me?”

“I would never dare to do so, Jace.”



When they got back to the boardinghouse, Jace ordered another bottle of Bordeaux. After it arrived, they sat down on the balcony, watching the sunset.

“Would it be possible to have these wicker chaise lounges on the institute's rooftop?” Clary sighed, stretching herself.

“You would have to discuss this with the head of the institute.”

“Forget what I said.”

Both flinched a bit when Jace's phone buzzed.

“It's a message from Alec.”

“What does it say?”

“We'll go home tomorrow.”

Clary hadn't thought she would feel so much relief hearing this but it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Jace pulled her close and kissed her temple.

“At least I still have a home.”

“Clary, of course you do. And we'll find a way to find a solution to whatever ties you to Jonathan.”

“I really hope so.”

“How did you find out that your life forces are bound together?”

“I didn't know at first why Lilith had carved this rune into me. Jonathan held me back when Lilith was banished and when I woke up, I was still in the apartment which had relocated to Siberia. I was so shocked to see Jonathan alive. After an unsuccessful escape I acted as if I wanted to play along with his plan. I had to find out the hard way that stabbing him wasn't the best idea. If he wouldn't have used his stele, we both would have died. Whatever happens to one of us, affects the other in the same way.”

“What does he want to do with the Morningstar sword?”

“I don't know. Jace, I'm so torn. He's my brother and I want to believe, he's a good person despite the fact he has demon blood but I've seen him killing people. I already lost my parents, I don't want to lose my brother either.”

“He's manipulative, he killed Sebastian Verlac, took over his identity to gain our trust, he nearly killed Max. Clary, I don't know if there's anything good in him left.”

“Jace, promise me. If we find out, there's still good in him, we have to help him.”

“I promise but...”

“No buts. I just need your promise.”

Jace wanted to say something but stayed quiet as both did for a few minutes.

“Can we stay here?”

“I thought, we wanted to go back to New York.”

“No, that's not what I meant. Can we spend the night out here?”

“On the balcony? Don't you think, it might be too cold at night?”

“There are blankets and you can keep me warm. Jace, I've been trapped in closed rooms for quite a while. I'd like to see the stars while falling asleep.”

“Whatever you like.”