Of Love and Other Tragedies

1 | the feelings

Dear You,

I know that I should be happy for you, as you're with her, and I'm working on that. Really.

We have just one class together this year, junior year, but I've had a crush on you since I laid eyes on you as a freshman. You were with your older brother by the band room, smiling that charming smile and laughing at whatever joke you were just told.

You probably didn't notice me too much back then, and you probably don't now, just think of me as that one nice girl. You should know, though, that all onions have layers. I'm not the best person to know, although others tell me differently. As an introvert, I can only be brought out of my shell with those I'm comfortable with and I can be quite the wallflower sometimes, but I'm working on growing from that label.

Speaking of labels, I am heartbroken now and then that you are not available for the taking, but know that I wouldn't have the courage to go for it even if I did have a chance. So, instead, I listen to sorrowful tunes to drown out my sadness, keeping your relationship safe from my often sporadic nature. There are times where I want to tell you how I feel, but push away those shameful thoughts to shield my heart from rejection.

We sit next to each other in English class, and our pod of four often shares talks, joking and conversing excitedly. There have been various instances where we share a laugh, just us, and you look at me how I want you to.

But, I must be imagining it. You could never return my unrequited feelings.

The way that you talk about your significant other, she sounds so sweet and perfect, just for you. And you deserve that. If I ever met her, I know that I could never hate her, she just seems so flawless by the way you speak so highly of her.

So I cannot hate her.

All I can do now is get through this time of knowing and seeing you and hope for the best, hope that I can overcome myself and the obstacle that is one-sided infatuation.

I wish you the best in the long run and wish for you all your aspirations. You're entitled to them.

Take care,
Me