Pucking Fantastic

Chapter 36: Do You Think?

Song is for the start of the chapter! 

Can I just say WOW? I have been #1 in the hospital theme for over a week now. I know it is all because of you guys. Thank you so much for voting and supporting me. It means the world!

Stay safe, wash your hands, and remember all the good things you have in your life still. 

DarlaH

I looked at myself in the mirror of the hospital bathroom with a frown. I didn't like what I saw. Staring back at me was a girl with bags under her eyes, thin, broken, and a bald head that was bandaged. It seemed like all the beauty that I once had was completely gone. I felt like a shell of what I once was.

I pulled some black old skating legging over my bare legs, carefully, finding not enough strength to pull them up with speed. I looked at my thigh gap in the mirror. I had never had a thigh gap before. I pulled on leggings that covered my thighs, seeing the loose fabric that wrinkled on my leg. After only 2 weeks in the hospital, I was already losing muscle mass. I shook my head. How could I jump without my strong legs?

I wanted to have a meltdown in the hospital bathroom, but people were waiting for me outside. After all, this should be a happy moment. I was being released. Today I was being set free after being awake for almost a week. Today started to recovery time at home and before long I would be back on the ice.

"Ellis! Come on! Do you want to get out of here? Right?" Paulo asked as he popped his head into the bathroom without even knocking. His smile slid down his face as he looked at me, reading my mind. He had gotten better at that recently.

I tugged on my shoes to make my feet slip into them then turned to face him. "Do you think I'm ugly?" I whispered in all seriousness as I carefully slipped on a gray beanie over my head.

Without missing a beat, he shook his head. "Never," he said firmly with conviction.

I sighed at him. That had to be a lie. I saw myself in the mirror. I was ugly. I didn't look like the same person I was just three weeks ago. Back then I wore confidence, and beauty as if it belonged to me. But now, I was scared, thin, zombie-like.

"Ellis, you're so beautiful. You always have been and always will be," Paulo said as he held my hands, looking into my eyes.

I knew where this conversation was going. Mom had told this same speech to us ever since we were young. "Don't say it's what inside that matters the most," I snapped at him. I didn't need that speech right now. I wanted something that held weight, that was unique to Paulo.

He chuckled as he shook his head at me. "No, I was going to say that you look better bald."

I took a step back from him like he just hit me. As much as I was grateful that he kept things light most of the time. At this moment, I didn't like it. That was a low blow. I didn't want to reminded that I had no hair.

He sighed, suddenly turning serious again. "Listen, El, you don't need hair to make you beautiful. Your hazel green eyes still shine in the light, your smile is just as bright as it used to be, your laugh is just as contagious. Things have changed, yes, you've seen a lot within the last month in a half but what I've noticed the most was that your strength has grown, it shines through and fills in where you are lacking. All of these things and more still make you beautiful," Paulo said as he pulled me into a hug.

I held onto him as I also clung unto his words. That was exactly what I needed to hear. "I love you, Paulo," I said into his torso.

He chuckled lightly as he rubbed my back with his large strong hands. "I love you too." He then pulled me out of the hug and said, "now come on. Let's get you out of here."