Captive{ated}

Thirty-Five: Hourglass

Each word was a punch to the gut. There was no bright side in the dark cave I found myself trapped in. There was no glass half full point of view because it was empty. No matter what, I'd lose, and so would you. If I stayed, you'd still lose me. You just didn't know that yet. My vision began to blur at the hopelessness of the situation. How could I explain myself when I couldn't form a word? What could I say without making the situation worse?

"You should be thankful I found you first," you said as the anger left your voice, leaving only hurt and pain behind. Betrayal, an old friend I knew far too well. "You should be thankful that I can be forgiving, that I don't have to tell anyone what happened here." You paused, "I just need to know why. Why did you do this?"

I shook my head. This was an answer I couldn't give.

The rage dissipated from your demeanor now. You looked tired, disappointed. "That's not an option. I never want to call you names, Evelyn, but what caused you to be so impulsive, so stupid?"

I crouched, my entire world collapsing. I sunk my head to my chest, making myself as small as possible. "Stop yelling at me."

"I'm not yelling anymore, but I need an answer. I need to understand. I- I thought that we were better," you shook your head defeated. Your voice was controlled, but it was slightly hoarse. "After last night, I thought we were on the mend."

You thought wrong.

I stayed low to the ground. After a few minutes of silence, a sigh escaped your lips. You came down to my level. Your voice was soft, "Come on, Evie, talk to me. We need to fix this. What can I do differently, if that's what you need?"

I shook my head again. With you so close, it was harder to stay silent.

"Let me help you," you tried again.

"You can't," my voice was tiny. My body shook. After experiencing so much of it, I still did not handle fear well.

"I'm sure that's not true," you coaxed. You went from angry, to upset, to comforting so fast it was hard for me to respond. I understood you were trying your best to mend things, but this wasn't something that could be.

Your hand grazed my shoulder, but on contact, I fell backwards. You stared at your hand as though you did something wrong, but I fell back in my own, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you." At the moment, your touch was too much. I sat back and stared at you with wide eyes much like a deer caught in headlights. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to run. All I could do was face the consequences that my position put me in.

Tonight, was my day of reckoning. This wouldn't end until you had your answer, and I was so tired of lying. Besides, I don't think I would've been able to think of one that wouldn't land me in trouble. The truth, as bad as it was, needed to be heard. It'd be the ultimate test of the vow you made me.

Of whether you'd always love me or not.

I met your eyes and held them, but the words weren't as direct as I hoped. "I'm scared of dying. I ran because I'm scared of dying," I confessed, beating around the bush. It was like pulling teeth: painful and messy for the both of us.

You looked at me, irritation sweeping across your features. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm not going to put you in danger?"

I shook my head, "You don't get it. After all this time, you haven't caught on," I muttered. How to say these words? It wasn't too late to change my mind.

"Then help me to understand. I'm not very observant. You've told me before how I don't understand you as much as I think I do, and despite how much I want to argue that statement, I can't," you plead.