The Secretary ; T . S

Chapter Eight ; building bridges

Chapter Eight;
Building bridges.

I wanted to scream or hit him, but that was out of my position to do. It also wouldn't be the most lady like thing to do but I wasn't brought up to be a lady, "Bait! Are you joking, Thomas? My brothers would never have agree to this?!"

"Just following your plan, Poppy." Thomas's matter of fact tone irked me, pulling his cigarette case out his breast pocket and rest one on his lips.

"Oh! So, this is my fault now! I just wanted to soften the bloke up, to help with some writing, go on a bloody trip! Not to be a moving target!" I slammed my new purse onto the same table Tommy rested he's hat.

"You wouldn't be making anyone soft my girl!" Arthur's skinny figure appeared from a room on the far right of the stairs, "Looking like a picture Pops! Lovely. Just lovely!"

I scoffed at Arthur's vulgar comment, shaking my head at the greasy haired man now standing arms open in front of me, "Now what on earth are you doing here?"

Arthur glances simply at Tom then back at me with a half smirk on his mouth. I could see by their smug faces that something was going to happen in this house. Putting two and two together, I knew it had to be something I would of said no to if I had known hence Tommy's secrecy.

I inhaled harshly through my flared nose, "Just tell me."

That moment my voice felt weak and defeated as I had basically asked to be involved in this mess. The game that Peaky Blinders  play ever so dangerously... or maybe Thomas had lead me to believe I was the one at fault. I had to question myself in this second, how in a matter of a month or so, I loathed my brother's choice to be in this god forsaken gang. Now I'm no better.

Thomas tipped his head to the door Arthur had appear from; my heart started to pound in my throat as once again Tom rested his palm on my back, guiding me to the room in question.

Suddenly, I froze to the spot.

"What or who is behind that door?" My breathing became hard to control, wrapping my shaking hand round Tommy's forearm. Arthur held onto the brass doorknobs awaiting Tom's order.

"Come on Poppy, this has to be done. There is nothing to fear, just a chat. Alright?"

I felt like a child next to the Shelby's again; scared and worried, "I don't think I can do this Tom." I glanced at the man with wide doe eyes.

"Then we better give back all those dresses! Take all that money away from those shop clerks." Tommy spun on the balls of his feet inhaling deeply from the cigarette that hung between his fingers.

The idea of the bright smile of the young women whom assisted me all this morning carrying clothes, picking them out, fetching sizes and shoes. The joy in her eyes when I handed her over that envelope of left over cash. If that was me and suddenly it was taken away from me again, by the end of the day. I'd be beyond upset... I would have planned out my whole night or got myself a lovely dress of me own.

"Fine... give me that." I briefly close my eyes, reaching out for Tommy's cigarette, "Please."

Opening my eyes once more but this time the stress relief was in my hand, I brought it to my lips, breathing in the delightful smoke, filling me with warmth and ease. I could feel Tom's eyes watching me like a hawk, drinking in every movement, seeing the anxiety wash off my face as the smoke left my lungs.

"Let's get this over with." With an abrupt change in persona, I went with it and followed my new found confidence through the oak doors in front of me.

There sat John.

Cap in hand, looking nervously at the ground.

Soon as he noticed me, standing like a deer in headlights as my confidence left my body as quickly as it came, he stood up. Simply staring at me. I forgot I was dressed like a well off woman, in glitters and gold dripping all over me. I was seventeen again. John was my John again, yet far from it.

"Now you two," Thomas broke the silence, striding around me and chucking a bundle of paper on to the coffee table, "Sort this out between yourselves. 'Cause no one is going fucking anywhere until you do. Got it?"

"Are those my letters?" My eyes began to well up. My heart and soul was thrown on the table like nothing and no one who read them, felt the love I poured into them in the hardest hours of my life. Laid on the table with no meaning at all anymore.

"Sort this out." With a finger extended, Tom pointed at John then me before leaving us in the room together, alone. For the first time in years.

Nothing but awkward silence filled the room alongside the ticking of the clock on the wall before one of us decided to talk.

"Look, Poppy the other night I was-"

I laughed through the tears that ran down my cheek, "I don't care John, I really don't. My heart broke a long time ago and so did yours. But you didn't need to break my brothers face."

"Listen! I was shocked! I didn't know, I was... angry. I've been angry for years, Pops."

"SO WAS I!" A boom left my body, like a ghost that had been cooped up in my body had escaped.

More tears started to burn down my face in pure anger, "We would have never worked John, you proved that on that night a month ago! I want to talk whilst you just want to shout, throw things and fucking punch someone til YOU, feel better. I loved you."

"And I fuckin' loved you! I wanted to marry you." John violently throw his hat onto the sofa.

"But you are married now, you make a lovely couple."

"If I only knew you were in France..." John dropped down next to his cap, head in hands, "I would have fuckin' waited."

"Esme is a fiery women, puts you in your place I hear. I could never do that. I'm too gentle for you, you need her John. Not me... you shout, she shouts. I listen, that's the difference." I spoke calmly, wiping my eyes.

"Fuck sake, Poppy." He knew I was right. Did he ever want to admit it out right? No.

Once again John took to his feet, my whole body tensed up as he strode towards me with his hands in his pockets. I hadn't moved an inch since I saw him.

"Why'd you have to go and join them? Hmm." He towered over me, gazing down, he's hands itching to reach out and touch my tear stained skin. He had a different, soft tone which reached into my heart and plucked at the strings.

"Because I don't have to answer to no one no more." We looked deep into each other's eyes, for a split second like a picture show I could watch the gunshots in his eye, the mud, the explosions and I believe most of the memories happened after the war. I was almost sure he saw France in mine too, blood soaked dresses and bandages.

"You answer to Tommy. You ain't safe Pops."

"I'm more safe than I would be if I wasn't under Tommy's thumb. I'm as free as I like then." I reached out an placed my hand on John's chest, "You ain't mine no more John... I hope Esme and I can get along one day."

"Funny ain't it." A stupid smile arose on John's face.

"What? Us."

"Thought you got married or worse... but it was me who went off and married a bird. Didn't even know 'er. Tommy arranged it."

My blood boiled again. All paths lead to Thomas Shelby, "Of course he did."

I spun around in rage, stomping like a child out the gentle moment John and I shared back out to the lobby, "I'm going home!" I announced with all my lung power.

Thomas's faint grunt could be heard as he pushed himself out of his office chair, "No your not."