Wilful Wife | ✓

Chapter 14 : Concern

"Where there is love, there is care."

Jaanki stared at the car key that he threw on the floor before storming out of the room. This was worse than it sounded. She felt helpless. He was going through so much and she could do nothing to help him. Worse she was scared. She wasn't upset that he hid this from her. In fact, she was happy. Because she could have reacted in a way that wouldn't have favored their relationship if he had told her before. 

She wiped her face staring into the mirror. He loved her so much. Yet, he was willing to push her away. This was so darn hard. Jaanki quickly picked up the laptop from the study table and settled on the bed. She needed to know everything about the IED. She navigated through web pages occasionally staring at the clock. Intermittent explosive disorder  was defined to be an impulse-control disorder characterized by sudden episodes of unwarranted anger. She went through all possible symptoms to cross-check. She needed to verify everything herself. 

Feelings of rage, uncontrollable irritability, brief periods of emotional detachment.

Jaanki stared at the screen as she read the three points. That's exactly what described his behavior. No wonder he seemed so distant emotionally. A new fear sprouted in her heart. Would things get worse from here? Would he continue to be emotionally detached...from her? It explained why he left so easily when he got angry. It explained why he got irked at the slightest of her involvement. It accounted for his distant behavior around her sister. 

Disheartened, she continued reading. There were physical symptoms as well, namely, Headaches, Muscle tension, Chest tightness. Her worry only grew. Had he been experiencing all of those lately? She wondered. She continued to read the behavioral symptoms.

Physical aggressiveness, verbal aggressiveness, angry outbursts, physically attacking people and road rage.

Jaanki gasped in worry. It was all true. Her mouth dropped when she read the effects. It did affect the patients relationship with the family. She scrolled down to the treatment subsection on the website. But, prior to that her eyes fell on risks. That pointed out two major worrisome effects. Either the person hurts people around them or himself. Her breath was caught. She fought her tears. This was so unfair, to him and to her.

 Therapy sessions, anger management, and medication were the key treatments mentioned on the website. A complete brain scan was recommended. 

Jaanki stared at the wall clock of her room. It was three in midnight. Her lingering fear for his safety had begun to dominate her mind. Was he okay? Should she call him? She stared at her laptop screen. She had made a complete document of reference cases, fished out the names of the best neurologists and psychotherapists. She had finished watching three videos on YouTube to deal with people suffering from anger disorders.

A part of her was scared. She didn't want to witness his worse side. No. She had grown to learn to ignore his shortcomings. It happened naturally. If anyone did something wrong, it was wrong. But if he did the same thing then ... the situation was wrong. But his words of confession about the other day had left an impact on her. What if he did...hit her? The thought itself was devastating. He was right. She wouldn't have ever seen him in the same light again.

Footsteps at the door made her look up. "Not asleep yet!" His voice weirdly calmed her. He was okay. He came back. He was talking. A wave of calm washed over her.

 "I couldn't without you." She answered shutting down the laptop. He looked at her momentarily as though thinking about his next step. He walked to the bed.

"Where were you?" She asked softly as the bed dipped.

"Went for a run. It helps me calm down." He spoke laying down on the bed,  looking at her. "I am a messed up case, Jaanki." His hand reached hers. "Let me go before I do something so bad..that.."

"Shh!" She placed her palm on his mouth with a courageous smile. Quickly she got off the bed and placed the laptop on the study table. Soon enough she joined him back in the bed. Shifting as close to him as she could without making him uncomfortable, she settled beside him. "At least until the meeting with the neurologist, don't say anything." She spoke. She knew there was no point giving him anything to argue about. From now on, she had to choose her words wisely. She would do nothing to trigger him. 

There must be a few things that calmed him. She needed to slowly find those things. She was buying time right now. She still had to accept the situation completely. Also, more than anything,  she needed to be by him when he needed her.  She stretched her arm around him snuggling into his chest. She heard his breathing as he gently reciprocated the hug. For now, this was enough. 

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-Anami! ♡