When The Whistle Blows

Chapter 26

What is the point?

The question stuck in my head.

What IS the point of all this?

A thought stuck in my head, but I found myself shaking my head.

I had to leave them. The six amazing guys that filled my lungs with breath and made me feel like the most important person in the world, though the feelings weren't reciprocated. 

My tear-filled eyes wandered around the bathroom and I balked when I found a clock.

Five in the morning?

I slept for nearly twelve hours.

Our first game is at noon.

The bus won't leave for the rink until ten. So that gives me five hours to avoid anyone and everyone.

My body shivered and I realized I was still standing bare in the middle of the bathroom.

I grabbed a towel and left the bathroom. I found a change of clothes and quickly changed.

Since I'd had my hair in a braid, and I hadn't washed it in the shower, I just left it.

I found myself once again in the bed, curled up, and drifting off to sleep. After setting an alarm, of course.

Five peaceful hours later my phone went off. I woke up, dressed for rink arrival, and packed a change of warm-up clothes.

With what felt like record timing, I was ready for the game and leaving my hotel room.

I was so grateful to not have run into anybody on my way down to the bus. And since I was a little bit early, I was the first one on the bus.

I froze as my eyes landed on the middle section where I knew the six guys would sit, just like always. The sadness felt like it was suffocating me.

With a shake of my head, I collapsed into the first seat behind the driver.

Not risking having to talk to anyone, I dug out my earbuds and quickly popped them in. With my music loud, I laid my head against the window and prayed that I wouldn't have to move my head.

Over the next thirty minutes, the bus rocked as guys jumped on, though I refused to move my head and see who.

A couple of times I thought I saw a figure stop and stare, but I kept on staring out the window.

Finally, Coach, Ryan, and the other assistant coach, Alex, got on the bus.

I took my earbuds out long enough to listen to Coach call out the roster, then immediately popped them back in.

The bus finally started driving and I could've cried out with relief.

I made it without having to face anyone.

My thoughts were a little too soon as a figure sat in the open seat next to me.

Why didn't I put my bag there?

Ginger hair peaked into my peripheral vision. Judging by the playfulness of the action I figured it to be Corey.

The only person who wasn't awake when my whole world was shattered.

"Dollface," I could hear his playful voice over my earbuds.

He slowly leaned closer and closer, his hand coming dangerously close to touching my side.

I popped an earbud out. "What?" Don't cry. Don't break down. Don't show weakness.

Corey tilted his head curiously at my tone. "Why are you sitting up here?" His hand slowly came to rest on my hip as his head rested on the back of the seat in front of me.

"Please don't touch me." Fucking wimpy ass voice.

Corey retracted his hand and something close to hurt shone in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

Don't cry. Don't break down. Don't show weakness. My old high school mantra started running through my head.

"I surprised Luka didn't tell you." I had to return to looking out the window as the expression on Corey's face made me want to break.

How does he make it seem like he actually cares? How are they all so good at lying?

"He just said that something was seriously wrong with you. And that he wanted to give you some space." Corey seemed to be studying my face intently as he spoke.

Lie. He finally realized he didn't have to keep up the facade anymore, so he left.

I scoffed and Corey seemed taken back.

"Please just leave. I get it. You guys all had your fun and jokes, but please just leave me alone." I allowed a single tear to fall.

"Astrid I-"

"Please. Leave." I hardened my voice as much as I could, faking a strength that I didn't actually feel.

"Why?"

I turned and faced Corey. Willing my voice strong. "All my life I've been the butt of the joke. I've been the toy and the punchline. But, please, no more. Just tell the others, Leave. Me. Alone." I watched as his throat bobbed. "I can't handle much more," I whispered the last bit.

I watched as a hundred emotions went through Corey. Searching for the right answer. Or the right lie.

"Astrid, the others are not going to be happy about this." Corey held eye contact. "They are going to need to know what's wrong. Why you don't want them anymore. I'll buy you enough time to get through the first game, but don't act surprised when they grow tired of waiting." Corey made to stand up. "Astrid, we love you. I hope you know this, and whatever has you doubting that, we'll do whatever it takes to show you just how much we love you." And with that he got up and left.

I wanted to believe him. I really wanted to. But I found myself remembering the lies I was told on my old team.

We would never hurt you.

It will be alright.

You're safe with me.

In fact, the only thing they ever told me that was true was no one will believe you.

I was too broken to be loved by these guys. I was too scarred to believe these guys. And I was too scared to trust them.

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Thank you for reading Chapter 26. I do hope you enjoyed at least some of this chapter. I'm not a hugely emotional person nor do I overreact a lot, so if Astrid seems off it's just because I'm trying my best at writing someone who feels thing's that I don't. I hope everyone has a great rest of the week! Comments and Feedback make me really happy! (Like seriously, huge shoutout to y'all who always comment on every chapter, you know who you are, you guys make me so dummy happy).
~Until Next Chapter