Torment

Murder

Week one quickly became week three and we still hadn't had any food. children had died from starvation and their bodies were soon taken by the guards, who held no remorse or answers. Mine and Curtis's conversations ended abruptly when the passengers began to get frantic. Stronger men, including Curtis, grouped up and began to pick on the weak. Man's true animalistic nature began to show itself. As a month aboard the Snowpiercer neared, the first murder happened. Curtis's group killed a man threatening their authority. We were shocked, nobody knew what to make of it. I was scared of the men, but I couldn't be angry at them. This outcome was always going to be inevitable. But it's what happened next that forever scarred me.

Curtis and a group of men approached the body and began hacking at it with the sharp metal scraps they had collected from around the carriage. And as I stood horrified, the remaining passengers witnessed the trains first act of cannibalism. The men, all clearly disgusted but so desperate to live, began eating chunks of the dead man's flesh, grimacing as the meat travelled down their throats. The meat was offered round with some more keen to take the food source than others.

I couldn't bring myself to do it, not yet, I couldn't. But I was extremely weak and little of my body remained. I was a bag of bones and my coat swamped my frail form, so soon, like everyone else, I had no choice but to partake in the feeding. If not, I would've died and so would the tail end's medical knowledge. I was needed, especially as one of the expectant mothers had recently begun showing signs that the baby was on its way. With a makeshift bed, made from clothing, I had managed to deliver my first baby onboard the Snowpiercer. I had nothing but my hands, my wit and my will, but somehow, we'd managed, and the woman gave birth to a slightly skinny but remarkably healthy baby boy.

That night, as the carriage rocked us to sleep, screams of bloody murder caused me to jolt from my position on the floor. I knew those screams; they were of the mother I had been with that morning. I knew that because they weren't far off from the yells she had let off during her excruciating childbirth. I stood, sprinting towards the source of the noise. But it was too late. In the corner of the furthest carriage was the bloodied body of the mother I had helped earlier. I dropped to my knee's as I looked at her body, but a small gurgling noise grabbed my attention. I looked to my right and lifted a small bundle of clothes to reveal the beautiful baby boy I had helped deliver that day. I wept as I cradled him not understanding why his mother had been murdered. But then I saw him. Retreating from the shadows was Curtis, bloodied with a knife-like object in hand. I gasped pulling the baby close to my chest, looking between the boy with the blue eyes and the body of the baby's dead mother. Moments later, Curtis's group came into view behind him looking at the babe in my arms, mentally selecting it as their next meal. "Please you don't have to do this," I whisper cried as the thoughts of previous murdered children filled my head. "There has to be another way, please, Curtis, just look at me." As I said his name, he's hatred filled eyes moved from the bundle against my chest to my brown iris's. "You're better than this." I breathed, closing my eyes as the men behind him moved towards me.

But suddenly everything stopped. The sound of footsteps seized and a presence beside me made me open my eyes. An old, wise-looking man looked down on me, holding out his hand for my own. I took it gingerly, somehow trusting his kind face and rose cautiously to my feet. He then removed his hand from my own and in silence walked towards Curtis and asked for his knife. He took the bladed object from him. Everyone around us thought he was going to kill the baby himself, and I clasped the youngster closer into my chest. But in a matter of seconds, instead, with no hesitation, he began to cut off his own arm. I gasped and quickly positioned the baby on my hip as I rushed to the man. As I began to fret and untie my scarf to use as a tourniquet the elderly gentleman's arm fell to the floor with a thud. I hurried to his aid, wrapping his blooded stump in my scarf as I supported his frail, and now exhausted form with my free hand, the now sleeping baby between us. Through a croaky voice, the man nodded towards the limb on the floor. "Eat this. If you're so hungry... eat this, just leave the baby." I had never seen anything like it.

The men behind Curtis put down their knives, took the arm and left, but Curtis, he stood there. The elderly man took the baby from me as other women swarmed around us to tend to the baby and the gentleman's severed arm, but I remained still. I watched as Curtis fell to his knees, looking at his bloodied hands and sobbing over the dead woman before him. I couldn't help it, I knew he'd just murdered an innocent mother, but I also knew that everyone in our train carriage was suffering from hysteria, psychosis and schizophrenia, so I lunged at him, dropping down next to him and embracing his head against my collar bone.

As the day's continued to roll into further hardships, more and more people in the tail section started cutting off arms and legs, offering them around to the starved passengers, just like the elderly man, Gilliam had. It was like a miracle, and with the help of my medical expertise, bleed outs and infections were left to a minimal. We named the baby Edgar, as the mother had never announced his name to us before her death, so it was down to Gilliam, Curtis and I, to name him.

One by one, everyone began to offer their body parts and I thought it would only be fair if I were to offer as well, but Gilliam, who had now almost become a father figure to the tail section forbid me. He told me that my skills were ever-evolving and to end them now would be a waste. I bitterly accepted defeat, but Gilliam was right, I used my hands several times during the following days, as more mothers welcomed new-borns into the carriage. Since the whole Edgar incident, Curtis had been extremely distant, he no longer associated himself with the group and I hardly saw him. But I knew he was remorseful, and I knew that I would always be there for him.

One night, several weeks into our circumnavigational journey, I awoke to panting, cries and swearing. I rose to my feet, silently moving in and out of the sleeping bodies on the floor as I came to a dimly lit corner of the carriage. I watched from a distance as Curtis attempted to saw off his arm. I shook my head walking towards him and grabbing the blade hastily from his grasp. "Hazel let me..."I stopped him from talking as I pulled his arm towards me, inspecting the deep gash that travelled down to the bone just before his elbow. "Oh, Curtis...." I breathed as I unravelled some of the remaining bandage roll from my pocket. "I just wanted to, I needed to after what I did...." I didn't let him finish, making him hiss as I pulled the bandage tight around his fresh wound. "Don't start Curtis, we've all done something we regret. And this..." I soothed over his bandage. "This isn't needed right now, you're strong and that's what the tail section needs, we need both your hands as much as we need mine." I finished, taking his hand in my own and soothing my thumbs over his palms, acknowledging the pain he must be in after attempting to remove his arm. "She's right" Gilliam's voice echoed; obviously awake after the commotion we had caused.

"How are you meant to hold a woman with one arm." He finished, waving his stump, chuckling from his position on the floor. I looked to Curtis and smiled with a blush, removing my hands from his as I stood.

The next day Wilford's soldiers arrived with protein blocks. An amber, jelly-like slab that fit in the palm of our hands. It was salty, with the occasional crunch, and although it wasn't exactly the most delicious meal it was enough to boost morale. They were rationed out, one to every person three times a day. We had no idea what it was or what was in it, but we weren't complaining, maybe this was a step forward for the tail section.