NOSEBLEED • rewrite

Chapter Twelve

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Finally, after a while of quiet conversations and complete silence on my behalf, we reach the main highway leading to our final destination and the atmosphere is slowly becoming lighter in mood. I look over at Seokjin to see his tired eyes glued to the road ahead, his grip on the large wheel tight enough to turn his knuckles white but before I can ask if he's okay his eyes narrow and a low grumble escapes his lips

I look forward at the road to find its completely blocked off long lines of cars in each lane, but none of them seem to have anyone camping out inside. Looking closer, there's a few cars further ahead with all four doors open, some having even their trunks open. It reminds me of the car we saw earlier, minus all the blood, gore and ominous notes

It seems as if the people once trying to escape the city fled in a rush, like the protection and safety they were so close to didn't even matter anymore

"Can we all agree that the lack of people is starting to become scary?" Seungmin mutters quietly as he leans over Taehyung whos still seated between Seokjin and I, I glance over at the side of his face and hum in agreement

"I wouldn't be surprised if they aren't all dead at this point," I almost mumble earning myself a glare from the quiet boy, but it soon fades into a look of worry when he sees how worn out I look. he doesn't say anything as he slinks back into the back of the camper to give the group a brief explanation.

I drown out his voice as I try to push down the dull pain in my chest and the empty feeling deep in my stomach

Its finally setting in that my friends are gone and are never coming back, and if there's even a military base to go too, I will have to tell their parents their children are gone and have to watch the faces of the adults I grew up with slowly begin to crumble as it hits them too. Is it selfish to hope I don't have to see that? to hope that I don't have to see the people I care for most be in pain because of my stupid mistakes?

I shake my head and quickly get to my feet, Seokjin tries to stop me from scrambling out of the camper but I completely ignore him as I step out into the fresh air. I feel the bile in the back of my throat growing and growing until I can no longer hold it all in, I rush around the back of the camper and throw up over the greying concrete with tears beginning to brim my dry eyes

once I'm finished, I lean against the back of the camper and allow a shaky breath to come out, only it comes out a quiet patchy whimper. I hate throwing up and the fact it always happens when that all to familiar feeling of numbness begins to take over, only making me feel worse

"Its okay to cry you know," Seokjin sighs as he leans against the camper beside me with a sad smile gracing his plump lips "I told them to give you a minute. . . figured you might want to have a second to yourself but with the way shits going down recently, I didn't want you to be all alone," he adds softly, reaching out to softly pat my back as I rest my hands on my bent knees

I allow him to soothingly rub my back lightly as I let out deep, sloppy breaths in an effort to contain my want to scream bloody murder at the sky but it doesn't work and the tears I was trying to hold in painfully begin to roll down my face silently. I've been trying so hard to keep it all in and distract myself but now that Seokjins told me its okay, I cant help it anymore, no matter how much I hate showing this side of myself

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I don't usually do this," I chuckle pathetically, sitting back against the camper and whipping the tears with the sleeve of my denim jacket. Seokjin waves his hands, his sad smile returning but it doesn't really reach his hooded eyes

"Don't apologise for feeling things," He speaks softly and quietly, moving his dull gaze straight ahead to stare off into the distance "Its a very normal thing and I can tell you don't do it often, so you should let all the tears out before you melt into a little salty puddle,"

I cant help but laugh quietly at his wording causing him to chuckle and shoot a glance at the side of my face, his eyes soften and I can see the sympathy radiating off him in waves

"Id take little salty puddle over this," I chuckle with a sniffle, knowing full well my eyes and the tip of my nose has become bright red. My lips are slightly quivering like a child whos just been told off by their favourite teacher for the first time. I wipe my face clean once more and shake my head in disbelief at myself "I'm just tired, my emotions are all jumbled up from the lack of sleep. . . ill be okay after a nap,"

"are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Seokjin raises a brow at me and I let out a shaky breath, not even having the energy to get mad at him or anyone at this point. He sighs and diverts his gaze back to the long road facing us "I get that you aren't the most open and talkative person but its good to open up. . . I'm always around, driving and things if you need to have a chat," he adds in a light hearted tone, trying his best to cheer me up without giving me one of his stupid, but oddly funny jokes that he's been dishing off left right and center

"That's not really my thing, but thank you anyway. . . for driving and things too," I chuckle, finally straightening myself out and pulling on my same resting, emotionless face despite wanting to burst into tears again from his words.

He's only offered to listen and deep down, it means a lot to me as no one other than Rina has flat out offered her time and support

but I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to seem weak, even more so now that the world has crashed. I cant afford to be weak so I swallow down all my emotions and force myself to say I'm okay, my main toxic trait

"No problem," Seokjin almost mutters, the same sad look making its way into his eyes as he watches me pretend as if I didn't almost have a mental break down a few seconds ago. just like everything else, I pretend I don't notice the way he watches me, silently wishing me not to be so closed off. it feels odd deep down, like I'm feeling guilty for not taking his offer

"Come on, we have a new route to find or a path to clear," I chime, motioning to the front of the camper. without waiting for a response, I quickly make my way back inside and look right over to Namjoon to avoid all the stares "Is this the only way to the base?"

He quickly looks down at the map spread across the table and scans over it, his face scrunching up slowly as he nods his head with a sharp breath "It looks like it. . . yep, this is the only way,"

"We should probably get to work then," Seungmin sighs

distraction it is
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I actually edited this :)