Weekly News from the Wacky World of Fairy Tales. The Once Upon A Times keeps you up to date with all the goings-on in the fairy tale lands, from the Pleasant Kingdoms to the Seven Seas of Despair.
Safe Enchantment Society Praises Belt's Protective Properties
Notroll Nook, Pleasant Kingdoms - The Society for the Safe, Responsible, and Hopefully-Not-Catastrophic Use of Enchantments is championing a brand new product.
"They're called blue belts," says SSRHNCUE official, Carl Sekursson. "They look like, well... blue belts. But there's more to them than meets the eye. We advise adventurous members of the public to procure one immediately for their own safety."
Mr. Sekursson points to the Society's recent research into the belts' protective enchantments. Test subjects who did not wear a blue belt were 100% more likely to die when crushed under rocks by quarry trolls, thrown into pens of hungry lions, or left to drift on the sea in a little boat with their eyes burned out. Those wearing belts, on the other hand, survived all such ordeals with superhuman strength and endurance.
"The statistics are clear," Mr. Sekursson explains. "If you go on a quest without a blue belt, you're--frankly--an idiot."
However, some argue the belts are too good to be true. "Don't see what the fuss is personally," insists Alice Lethers, a clothier at Notroll Nook General Store. "Nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned brown belt--and we've got plenty of those on sale at our winter blowout starting this Thursday!"
Others suggest the belts will prove downright dangerous. "When you've got a protective garment, you always end up going too far," insists Captain Anders Andersson, an elderly sailor. "You think you're invincible because you've got some enchanted clothing and you forget everyone else isn't invincible. The next thing you know, you're slaying giant chickens and dancing around in a bear skin tearing apart anyone who looks at you the wrong way. Not that I've had any experience of that sort. Just, hypothetically speaking, you understand."
For now, prospective adventurers will have to weigh the pros and cons of a blue belt purchase and decide whether or not it's the right fit for them.
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Inspired by 'The Blue Belt,' a folktale of Norway, recorded by Peter Christen Asbjørnsen and Jørgen Moe.
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