Sealskin Blanket Tycoon in Custody After Customers Flooded with Unexpected Spouses
Sealed Cove, Borderlands - Charlie Latane, 35, a traveling businessman, is facing charges of theft and false advertising for sales of his sealskin blankets. Mr. Latane made a small fortune this autumn selling blankets to coastal villagers. Little did those villagers know, the blankets were more than they appeared.
"I bought four of them," explains Greg Shetland. "Latane was going on and on about their insulating properties. Well, sounded good to me. Only, the next morning, two mermen and two mermaids showed up on my door and said they were now all married to me because I owned their skins. Well, it was quite a shock. Mrs. Shetland wasn't very happy with me."
Mr. Shetland tried to return the seal pelts to their owners, but it appears Mr. Latane treated the skins with a potion that prevents mer-folk from putting them back on.
"And I'm not the only one he bamboozled," Mr. Shetland insists. "All along the coast, people suddenly have more mer-wives and mer-husbands than they know what to do with."
Estimates indicate the population of the coastal villages has quadrupled in the last week alone.
Mr. Latane insists he did nothing wrong. "Theft? Them mermaids left those skins lying around while they was dancing naked under the moonlight. Should've kept a better eye on them. And as for false advertising, ha! I called 'em 'magically snug.' It's not my fault if buyers thought that was just a slogan!"
Local witches are testing numerous potions to help the skins adhere to their original owners again. In the meantime, Mr. Latane will be tried in the court of the coastal villages. He may face further discipline if extradited to Mertropolis-Under-the-Sea.
Inspired by 'The Mermaid Wife,' a folktale of the Shetland Islands, recorded in the book, 'Folk-Lore and Legends: Scotland' from 1889.
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