Hairless Citizens Rejoice over Mass Donation of Golden Locks
Pate Plateau, Borderlands - Members of the Honourable Guild of Wigmakers are celebrating today, following the unexpected donation of seventy-five yards of lush, blond hair.
"It's incredibly generous," says Mr. Frankie Lee Baldes, the guild's grandmaster. "Most donations are less than a foot long, so this absolutely boggles my mind!"
But who is the benevolent donor behind all that honey-hued hair? Meet Ms. Frannie Gothel, 62, of Dorlus Tower. But, the tale has a twist, for it is not her hair. "In fact, it is not real hair at all," Ms. Gothel explains. "For the last sixteen years, I have devoted all my time and energy to perfecting a potion for the production of fake hair. This donation proves my success!"
Some would seek to profit off such a potion, but Ms. Gothel insists she is giving the hair away for free out of the goodness of her heart. This selflessness comes as a surprise to some nearby residents. "Truth be told, we always thought she might be a sorceress," confesses Will Burner, head of pitchfork polishing at the local Witch Watch office. "I mean, living like a recluse in that forest tower--it sure seemed suspicious. We were actually planning a raid next week, but after her generous donation, we're obviously happy to scratch her name off our list of potentially evil enchantresses."
Happy is an understatement when describing how Mr. Baldes and the other members of the Wigmakers' Guild feel. "If she hadn't told me it was fake hair, I'd have been fooled. Honestly, I'd have thought it was real hair. That's how remarkable the reproduction is!"
Several merchants have offered Ms. Gothel handsome sums to know her hair-producing potion recipe, but she plans on keeping it a secret. "Come now, you wouldn't expect Colonel Sandcastle and his Militant Monks to give up the recipe for Friar's Fired Chicken, would you? All I will say is that it involves a lot of lettuce. And no child labour. None. How could there be? I live completely alone. It's not like there's anyone in that tower with me!"
After all those long years of solitude, it seems Ms. Gothel is finally reaping her reward. The Wigmakers' Guild plans to induct her as an honorary master in a ceremony next week and Mr. Baldes says invitations are going out far and wide: "I hope every Tom, Dick, and hairless Harry will be there! Say goodbye to your pasty pates and hello to platinum headpieces!"
Based on the Brothers Grimm version of "Rapunzel"
Tune in next Tuesday for more news from the front lines of Fairy Tale!
YOU ARE READING
The Once Upon A TimesFantasy
Weekly News from the Wacky World of Fairy Tales. The Once Upon A Times keeps you up to date with all the goings-on in the fairy tale lands, from the Pleasant Kingdoms to the Seven Seas of Despair.