Truth - Rey x Reader

Chapter XIII

You didn't like the idea of sleeping in another bed in another room when you knew that Rey was sleeping in your shared bed by herself but you respected her wishes of needing space. It was hard but you did it. It's still hard but at least Rey isn't completely ignoring you right now and more so, she isn't angry at you. You are glad that you spoke to her and you are happy that she listened. You knew you were taking a risk when you mentioned her becoming a Gray Jedi. The last thing you want to do is push her but you truly believe that she will make a fantastic Gray Jedi if she desired to become one. You will never force Rey into something, especially if she doesn't want to do it. You respect and love Rey too much to do that.

After a hardy breakfast and helping the rebels around the base, you eventually have some time for yourself where you decide to train. You want to get back into your own routine and training is a part of that. You used to train with Rey (mostly helping her with her own training and sparing together) but she's still on her mission with Finn and Poe but you don't mind. It'll give you time to train with your lightsaber - something you haven't done in quite a while.

Reaching into your bag, you grab your saber and ignite it, the bright orange reflecting in your eyes. A smile graces your face because you've missed using your weapon and now that Rey knows who you are, hopefully, you'll be able to use it on missions. You stare at the glowing blade a little while longer before you begin to swing it around. To begin with, you get used to using it again since it has been quite a while before you start executing some moves. You swing your lightsaber high and low, slow yet steady. Once you get comfortable with it, you pick up the pace and before you know it, you're training just how you used to with precision and speed.

It feels good to train again and even better to use your saber. You love the noise it makes when you swing it. You love the feeling of power you gain whilst using it. You love the feel of the metal in your hands. You love its colour. You love all of it and you know this is what you were born to do. You let go of your lightsaber, throwing it in the air and catching it so you're holding it backward. You move around with it then throw it forward. You watch it spiral outward and move in a circular motion that you control with the Force before guiding it back to you and catching it proudly.

"That was impressive."

You're startled by Rey's voice. You turn around and see her standing watching you.

"Hey," you breathe, turning off your weapon. "How was the mission?"

"It went well."

"No casualties?"

"It was just a retrieval mission - nothing dangerous. We even did a bit of sightseeing." Rey takes a seat on a nearby rock.

"Good. I'm glad it was a safe mission."

"Me, too. How's the training going?"

"Well. It's good to get back into my regular routine."

"I never knew you trained with a saber."

"I haven't trained with it in a while. I usually haven't had much time and if I do, I have to make sure I'm not around anyone. Have you told Finn and Poe about me?"

"No. I thought you'd want to do that."

"I don't mind." You reach into your bag and pull out a bottle of water and take several mouthfuls and Rey takes advantage of your closed eyes to check out your sweaty body.

You're wearing dark pants, boots, and a tank top that flaunts your muscles that Rey adores so much and muscles that get her more than a little hot and bothered.

"How long have you been training for?" Rey queries, tearing her eyes away from your body once you finish drinking.

"Not long. About half an hour or so. I'm just getting used to using the saber again."

"Fair enough," she nods. "Listen... I didn't mean to attack you yesterday. I mean, I did but not to hurt you."

"I know, honey. It's okay."

"No, it's not. That's what I mean when I say that I can't be a Gray Jedi. I get overwhelmed with my anger sometimes and I just lose control."

You can't help but laugh at the woman. "Rey, you're allowed to get angry. I understand why you were and it's okay."

"No, it's not. I can't be a Jedi or any Jedi for that matter if I can't get my anger under control."

"Honey, the last thing I want to do is push you into something you don't want or aren't ready for. I simply brought up you being a Gray Jedi just to broaden your thinking and give you another option. You don't have to take it. I just know that you struggle with the Jedi code and I can see you flourishing as a Gray Jedi but if it's not in your heart then it's not and that's okay."

"Do you think me training to be a Gray Jedi will help me control my anger?"

"Look..." You sit next to Rey. "I'm not going to lie to you - training in the way of the Gray Jedi will help you understand your anger and teach you how to use it in battle and in other things. I found that it helped me. The trick is not to give in to it completely. Yes, you can use your anger in battle but don't let it control you like it does the Sith. Don't let it be the only thing that drives you or else you WILL be lost. It's all about balance."

Rey plays with her fingers, looking at them intently and you can tell she's thinking so you continue.

"If you want to be a Gray Jedi then I will help you to the best of my abilities but if you want to continue learning the ways of the Jedi then you can."

"I'm just so confused. I'm going through so much and I don't even know what way is up anymore. I know the Resistance needs all the help it can get but... how much more can I give them when I have some much conflict within me?"

"Hey," you instinctively put your arm around the brunette. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You are strong and you've overcome so much since you joined the Resistance. You and I both know your conflict lies with your parents and how they left you. It's upsetting and frustrating but don't let that stop you from becoming who you're meant to be."

"And who is that?" Rey's eyes meet yours and they're so vulnerable you could cry.

"Whoever you want to be."

Rey sighs, her head falling onto your shoulder just as it did yesterday. You coil your arm around her and you feel her arms slip around your waist. The feeling is comforting so you put your other arm around her so you're embracing properly.

"I've missed you," she says.

"I've missed you, too, honey."

"Promise me that you won't keep anything from me ever again."

"I promise. That was the only thing I didn't tell you."

Rey nods then lifts her head to look at you. "I'm glad you're okay. I was so miserable without you... I felt like I couldn't go on."

"I'm glad you did. I'd hate to be the reason why you gave up but I know deep down that you would have kept going. It's who you are and who you will always be."

For the first time since you woke up, Rey genuinely smiles at you and you reciprocate. She places her hand on your cheek, her thumb brushing against it as she leans in and kisses you, igniting a fire of passion that causes you to wrap your arms around her tightly and pull her into you. Rey's free hand cups your other cheek, holding your lips to hers and the feeling is magical. It feels like forever that you haven't kissed Rey and you have no clue how you went so long without it.

"I love you," Rey whispers and you have to hold back a whimper.

"I love you, too."

"Do you want to train together?"

With a content smile, you reply, "I'd love to."

Rey grins happily, kissing you once more before standing and igniting her lightsaber.

"Let's see what you've got, Gray."

"Gray..." You chuckle. "Alright..." You ignite your own saber and hold it up. "Bring it on, Jedi."