Please, I do not want a heart

Part 7: Please I Do Not Want a Heart

'I can see that she just did the minimal job this past months when I was away.'

It is the job of the queen to make the decisions when the king is away. The distribution of budgets, the maintenance of the castle and the social invitations and gatherings, I can see that the Queen had done a tremendous job. However, the complaints of the people, the upcoming drought problems and the security of the borders, which are the most important, are left unattended for the last six months.

'Six months... And this child is nine month old.'

I grabbed the report of Magdalene's death. Nine months ago, on the morning she gave birth, she passed away as soon after she heard her child's first cry. According to the report, Magdalene's immune system crashed down as soon as she hit her trimester and started coughing blood and unable to leave her bed. The doctor's conclusion is that her body was unable to cope with her first pregnancy.

'First, huh.' There is a secret that only I, Magdalene and few handful people know, that we had our first child before me and Magdalene had moved back here in Spade. No one knows the child's existence, so that it is easy to conclude that Magdalene died out of giving birth. Giving birth is dangerous in the first place, the act of giving life was not an easy act. Hundreds of women and children dies in spite of the advancement of medicine. This report is believable, however, Magdalene is not part of the common women.

The empire is composed of four big countries Diamond, Heart, Spade, and Clover. The emperor resides in the Diamond country, the right of Empress comes from Heart country, the strongest Knight comes from Spade country and the holder of great luck is in the Clover country. Each country have one special holder who are born with the symbol of the four countries, however, there are times when the holder dies, the next most proficient inherit the symbol. That is a rare case, because the holders are usually immune from curses and diseases.

Magdalene was born with the symbol of the Clover. The bearer of Clover are titled as the 'God's favorite child'. Magdalene dying from childbirth is unthinkable.

'Did Magdalene fell into a curse because our child inherited the symbol? But where it is?'

At this point, I believe it is a curse that killed my wife. I had witnessed the inheritance of symbol once, and the symbol only transfers once the inheritor is born. It is so that the symbol protects the former in case the the next successor perished or is not qualified to be the carrier of the symbol.

Then that means, Magdalene did not die right after childbirth, but rather couple days or week after she gave birth.

'Or... She was killed. If it is a physical injury. No, that will leave too much evidence, and Magdalene can inflict curse on the person who killed her, it was a promised we had when I found out she was a symbol holder.'

I grabbed my head with both of my hands and started scratching it furiously. I am the strongest Knight, and I am not meant for thinking.

I looked at the tiny human who is just dazily staring at the wall while sitting comfortably next to my paperworks on my desk. This child is skinnier than normal kids and scaringly paler. I want to stuffed her face with food, but I decided to wait for Kaleid, my head Butler.

Kaleid was a doctor before he became a Butler. He could not become proficient and have such a soft heart to stay in the field of medicine, that is why I offered him to be the head Butler. A Butler who have medicinal background is a total plus. He is just too soft, that is why whenever I leave the castle, the poor butler become a total pushover.

'Sending a weak little Butler to ward off barbarians, I wonder if he is still alive.'

-knock, knock

"Come in."

The door opens and the small Butler I remember, is looking more hagard and smaller now.

"My king!! I am so glad you are back!"

'I bet you are, this poor soul'

"I believe, Benjamin had relieve you from those barbarians."

"Yes!!!" He exclaimed with so much happiness. "My king, this past year, I was just plainly busy surviving."

"I bet." I sighed and looked at the crying Butler. His mother is my caretaker and Kaleid and I had grown up together, we grew up like brothers and we know each other like the back of our hands.

Kaleid eyes widened and gasps, and the most unbelievable thing came out of his mouth.

"M-my King... You cheated on My Lady?"

Those words just gave me chills down through my bones. And then the quill in my hand broke into two pieces from anger.

"Come again?!" I roared.

"B-but my king, the evidence is right there." He said then pointed on the tiny human on my desk.

The tiny human looked at the man's finger and tilted her head.

"She is mine and Magdalene's."

The man's face, which is full of doubt earlier now glows like the sun and run towards the child. And stare at her intently.

"Nice to meet you, little..." Kaleid stopped for a little and gasps louder and looked at me with amazement. "Lady ... My Lady given us a princess?! The first princess in millenia?!" Kaleid stood up straight and looked around. "A congratulatory is in order!! Where might be my lady?"

Those words felt like slapped me on the face. I tightly clenched my fists and I could not bring my self to say the words. My throat clenched with my heart and my vision blur.

"My king?"

"P-pa..." I gulped and I felt like my throat got stuck from the dryness. I grabbed my face to try the hide the warm water trying to escape my eyes. I stood up and breath in deeper, then breath out. "She had passed." I realized, how much I had been trying to deny the reality until now.

The woman I have loved. The woman that I have my heart and shared my emotions with. The woman I had only thought of spending my time with until the end of time, is now someone I will never touch and embrace anymore. This thoughts are stabbing my heart into tiny little pieces. It is an ugly feeling of mix emotions. I hate it and I just want to shove my hands onto my chest and just take it out. I wished that when she died, she had took my heart with her.