Mrs. Chou (Book 1)

Chapter 29: Realised

Cemeteries use to freak me out so bad that I refuse to look at them when I would pass them by. There was just something about them that made my skin crawl and to think that dead people were buried underneath the ground in that place.

But today, I'm not afraid of them as much as I use to be. It doesn't bother me anymore knowing that someone I dearly love is buried here, and that nothing bad can happen to me.

I opened the gate to the cemetery and it made a creaking noise and it made a chill run up my spine. Even in the afternoon, this place seems to give off a creepy vibe.

I start roaming the graveyard as I'm searching the tombstones carefully. There was some that I couldn't read at all because of how old they were. The markings on them had faded and it made me wonder just how long they've been here.

It's been four years since I've been here, and I can't remember where she's buried. I haven't came here because I never could escape from the hell that I call my life.

I finally come across the tombstone that I've been searching for and I take a slow and deep breath as I slowly sit down in front of it. I could feel every emotion rising up as I'm staring at the tombstone in front of me.

"Hi, mom," I barely whisper out. I could feel the tears in my eyes and I try to hold them back as I'm taking deep breaths to calm my nerves.

I look at the tombstone as it's engraved:
Marilyn Minatozaki
1966 - 2013

I sat there and stare at it for a while, trying to think of what I'm going to say without crying my eyes out. I came here to get away, and to talk to the only person who would listen even though they're no longer here.
I heard my voice shake, "I miss you," I chuckled a little. "I miss you everyday," I stared at the name as I was holding back tears. "I wish you was here," I felt everything inside of me rise up and I couldn't hold on any longer.

I sat there and cried. I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe as I was trying to gasp for air in between sobs. I've held in my tears long enough and I couldn't hold them in any longer.

"I don't know what to do," I cried. My whole body was shaking and I looked up and stared at her tombstone. "I need you now more than anything and it's getting harder everyday to know that you're not here to talk to me about the things that I can't handle on my own," I couldn't control my tears as they were falling down my cheeks.

"I need someone who can listen to me and be there for me. Why'd you have to leave?" I cried. It was getting hard for me to live everyday in a world that hates me. The world hates me. I must have been a subject of hate. I have the shittiest life ever and I don't know what I did to deserve this.

"Why must life do this to me?" I stared at the tombstone waiting for an answer that would never come. "What did I do to be put in situations that I can't handle," I bowed my head as I took a deep breath. "I just wish you were here,"

As I sat there with my head down, I started thinking back years ago when my life had meaning and when I didn't have to face any problems alone. I didn't have a shitty life because my mom was still here and she always made it better.

~

Four Years Ago:

"Sana, we have to go! I'm going to be late!"
I heard my mom from downstairs as I was lacing my shoes. I tried to hurry because I knew that when she was ready to leave, you had to be ready at that exact moment.

I finally tied my shoe and ran down the stairs to where I found my mom waiting at the door for me. I smiled at her as she was watching me walk towards her. "I'm ready," she nodded then we walked out of the house and to the driveway.