by the end of the week i should have enough to last at least 2 weeks in a hotel. it made my skin itch that i was really sleeping, basically living out of my car. never in a million years did i think i would be in this predicament.
the last thing i wanted to do was get back into this selling shit but it was needed. i can't just work a regular 9-5, i need money, for me, for my unborn child. i need this shit to come quick and fast, this is all i know whether i liked it or not.
so if i have to revert back to my old ways so be it. a slim woman approached my car, she had curly blondish brown hair that fell to the middle of her back. she looked to he 23ish if not that. but either way she looked young. i was familiar with her because she used to always buy from me but it's been so long, i forgot her name.
she smiled as she leaned down holding her hand out. to be an "addict" her smile was kind of pretty, she cleaned up nice. i gave her half a gram of weed that was in a clear baggie, along with 4 xanny bars stored away in a small capsule bottle per her request. she handed me over a 50 and 2 20s.
"so you back doing this shit i see?" she said. i didn't really wanna make small talk but i decided to be nice.
"sumn like dat" i said shrugging my shoulders. she grinned as she stared at me for a moment. it was kind of weird.
"take care of yourself mosey she said while tapping the hood of my car. i watched her walk away. brushing off what she said but still keeping it in the back of my mind.
fuck does that mean?
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laila
i paced back and forth in my room as my heart thumped in my chest. i woke up in a cold sweat at least 30 minutes ago crying because of the dream i had. i was so shook i could barely make out or remember what exactly happened. i just remember a gunshot going off and me springing up out of my sleep.
and here i am now, pacing back and forth in the dark like a crazy person.
when joshua texted me that day i didn't meet up with him, even though that's what he wanted, but it didn't stop me from thinking about what he could possibly want.
it was weird considering he's dating my sister now. what could he possibly want to do with me? not shit. so i was confused to say the least.
i still haven't talked to lathan. lyric is making sure i don't even step within arms reach of him. she's always there. lurking.
him being without my presence is really starting to make me realize he didn't value our friendship the way i did.
if he needed me like he said he did he wouldn't hesitate to come to me. but he had better shit to worry about i guess, and the "shit" i'm referring to is her.
i wonder if they're fucking each other? i mean why does it matter really. he was never my boyfriend. just a crazy infatuation i couldn't shake or get over.
i've been so tempted to text him and ask him how he's been but my pride wouldn't let me. if he wasn't going to check up on me, i wasn't going to break my neck to do the same either.
god i missed him so much..the way he curved his lips to smile whenever i did something stupid. or whenever he would hug me like his life depended on it. his soft kisses on my cheek. i felt like a drug addict that was going through a relapse. i wanted him.
it was that serious and i hated it. why did he have this affect on me? it's not like we dated. it's not like he ever hinted that he wanted to be something? but he did. right?
it was almost 3 in the morning and here i am stressing myself out for nothing. my feelings and the way i feel internally always gets me in situations i hate.
i never was the one to face my problems head on. and that's my problem. i always brush shit under the rug and it really does hurt who i am.
i took a seat at the edge of my bed wiping the tears that threatened to fall. i rolled my eyes at myself whilst shaking me head. i've been crying so much lately it's ridiculous. this isn't me.
i glanced at my phone that laid in between the sheets of my bed. i bit on the inside of my cheek while reaching over to grab the device.
i stared at it for a moment before mustering up the courage to unlock it, going straight to my messages. i contemplated before i started to type my text out.
can you meet me in a few?...please.
i need to do this i thought. it was only right..
staring at the unsent message i bit down on my lip even more, my nerves starting to kick in as i glided my thumb over the "send" button. i let out a deep shaky breath after seeing the message turn to delivered.
