Batjokes Oneshots

1. Leto!Joker/Batfleck

              ✨Requested by -absvrd-✨
                              • • • • •

The Joker was feeling glum. Why? He didn't know. It was something of a dull ache deep inside his chest and nothing seemed to ease it away. What was it? His club was thriving. The GCPD wasn't anywhere close to catching him. Harley had been trying her best to turn his frown upside down for hours, but nothing seemed to help.

Was it the Bat? True, they hadn't had a tussle in some time, but the Joker didn't particularly miss having his head slammed into the pavement. Then perhaps it was the man underneath the cape and cowl that had the clown's heart aching. The little...whatever it was between him and Wayne hadn't been going on very long. It was still tentative and new, but already so ingrained into the Joker's blood, he found himself dreaming of debonaire billionaires and black kevlar.

It wasn't often the Batman and the clown could share a sweet moment between them, so maybe that was it. Maybe, after all the reputation the Joker had built, he really was a hopeless romantic at heart just missing his man.

Disgusting.

The Joker tried to shake his head free of such troubling thoughts. He should be enjoying himself. Harley had gone to all the trouble of throwing an impromptu party in the club tonight in hopes of cheering him up. He was trying, but couldn't bring himself to leave his office. He preferred to observe, anyway. Pick out who would make good henchmen and who would make good target practice.

"Puddin'!" Harley's singsong voice emanated from the door. "Are ya doin' okay?"

  "Fine, doll," he answered automatically. He didn't want to look at her. The sequins on her dress made his head hurt.

"Still down in the dumps, huh?"

"Perceptive as always, my sweet."

"Well, I know something that might turn your frown upside down," Harley said, sauntering into the Joker's office.

She perched herself on the arm of his seat, planting a sweet kiss to his temple.

"Your boy-toy Wayne just walked in," she whispered, almost conspiratorially, to him.

  The Joker perked up at that news. "Oh, really?"

  Harley nodded. "And I think he's just dyin' to see ya."

  "Is that so?"

  The Joker looked out over the club from his office, trying to spot the billionaire amongst the masses of dancing patrons. It took only a few moments for the clown to spot him, nestled comfortably on a seat at the bar.

  "You gonna go say hi?" Harley asked.

  "Well...I suppose I should," the Joker said, trying his best to sound disinterested. He stood from his seat, stretching his arms over his head. "It's only polite."

  "Yeah, okay," Harley snickered, his true intentions clear to her. She didn't believe him for a second.

  Ignoring the smug look on her face, the Joker exited his office. He made his way to the bar with ease – there were few that would ever get in the way of the clown prince – and took up a seat beside the billionaire.

"So...you come here often?"

Bruce Wayne glanced up from the drink he was nursing, a small smile playing on his lips. "Thought I'd try something new."

"What, were you getting bored mingling with Gotham's elite? Wanted to rub elbows with the criminal underworld for a change?" The Joker leaned against the bar counter, grinning. "Does it give you a thrill knowing you could be mugged at any moment?"

"Well, I haven't been recognized so far..."

"Because you look so old and tired."

Bruce chuckled. "If you're gonna get nasty, I'll take my patronage elsewhere."

"But then you wouldn't get to share my delightful company."

Bruce shook his head and smiled, taking a sip from his glass. The Joker laughed softly, pleased the Bat was in such a good mood. It was rare to see and the Joker should've guessed a little alcohol would be the key to unlocking such comfortable conversation.

  "Bruce."

  "What?"

  "You get those pants on sale?"

  Bruce glanced down at his clothes. "Uh...I don't know, I--"

  "'Cause they're 100% off at my place."

Bruce looked up at the Joker, stared at him stupidly for a moment before breaking down into an embarrassed laugh.

"No. No, that was bad," he said. "Even for you, that was bad."

"Oh, you didn't like that one?" The Joker grinned. "How 'bout this one?"

  "No, no, stop--"

"You must be a campfire."

"Stop."

"Because you're super hot and I want s'more."

Bruce let out an exaggerated groan. "This is painful."

The Joker laughed. "You're just mad because they work on you."

  "Okay, a little," Bruce admitted, hiding his smile behind his glass. "But I swear, another pickup line like that and I'm leaving."

The Joker held his hands up in mock surrender. "Okay. No more. I promise."

"Not sure I entirely believe that, but okay."

And for a moment, nothing was said. The music of the club pulsing through the speakers mingled with the low buzz of chatter. Bruce got a refill on his drink and paid for it himself, despite the Joker's insistence that drinks were always on the house for his special Bat.

"It's not like I can't afford it," Bruce argued lightheartedly.

The Joker rolled his eyes. "You never let me treat you. By the way..." He pointed in the vague direction of Bruce. "That seat taken?"

Bruce looked confused, twisting around to look at the other barstools. "What? What are you--"

And suddenly, before he could finish his thought, there was a clown prince sitting proudly atop his lap, hands snaked securely around the back of his neck. Bruce could only stare in shock for a moment before he started laughing, wrapping his arms around the Joker and kissing the crazy fool. The Joker drank in the attention, his fingers threading through Bruce's hair and pulling him that much closer.

"Gee, Bats, you really know how to cheer a guy up," the Joker purred once they broke apart.

"I could say the same about you," Bruce responded, breathless and ecstatic and feeling more than a little tipsy. The Joker's kiss was more potent than any alcohol.

Pale fingers came around to toy with the billionaire's lips. The Joker smirked. "Think I could use a little more cheering up. Whaddya say?"

Bruce smiled. "How could I ever say no to you?"

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hey i actually finished something! :D

i know it took forever i'm sorry

life ya know?

but i'm really happy with how this turned out so i hope it was worth the wait!☺️

these two are super fun to write in any dynamic so i'm having a blast💕💕

i'll try to get more out soon but ya know

life lol