(TW: Self Harm)
•~<Remus POV>~•
I couldn't take it anymore. I cried and ran to my room. I ran like everything around me was burning. Everything hurt so bad. I ran to my room and locked it as much as I could, 5 different locks. I want everything to stop, I want me to stop. I take out a knife I store for creepy things I do in my room like Syd from Toy Story. I take the knife and put it against my skin. I push down deeply watching red liquids seep out. I felt the wave of pain shoot through my arm, fading into a void, numb. After, I wash off the knife, not caring to put it away. I clean the cuts on my arm and wrap it in bandages. I hear a knock on my door. I freak out, shoving all of the stuff under my bed, rolling down my sleeve and opening the door with a maniacal smile. It's Logan. My fake smile fades to a terrified one. "Hey Lo," I say trying to act casual. He walks past me, "What happened with Deceit?" he asks, leaving a sharp pain through my stomach. I felt my chest get heavy, "It didn't go so great, being honest..." I tell him, unable to tell a full lie at the moment. "would you like to talk about it?" he asks me. He cares? About me? "I'd like that..." I admit to him. How could I not? He's so perfect, how could anyone not want to talk to him?
•~<Time Skip>~•
I explained to him everything that happened up until I got to my room. "I see, I apologize for your being in this predicament," he tells me, putting his hand on mine. I felt my heartbeat, almost exploding inside my chest. My face becomes warm as my cheeks turn red. What if I lose him like I did Deceit... And Virgil... And even... Roman. "Logan, can I ask you something Important?" I ask desperately. "anything, Remus" he reassures me. "Am I a disappointment to you?" I needed an answer, I can't commit to anything if he thinks I'm a piece of trash.
•~<Logan POV>~•
"Am I a disappointment to you?" those were the most ridiculous things he has ever said to me. I even started laughing a slight bit, but when I looked at him he wasn't laughing. "W-why are you laughing..?" He asks me, sounding heartbroken. "I apologize, it's just, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard, you are... many things that are far from disappointing, " I reassure him. His eyes glow he seems so happy. It makes me a bit happy as well. Not like feelings, it's just... Something I can't comprehend at the moment. "Remus, may I ask you something very important as well?" I ask, coming up with a query of my own. He nods, "What's it like to have feelings?" I inquire. Now he is the one laughing. " Do you really still think you don't have feelings?" he asks back. My pupils dilate as I furrow my eyebrows. "I don't, " I state firmly. He laughs more. "Then you have to explain some things. Crofters The Musical, you got excited. Learning New Things About Ourselves, you got so mad you threw something at Roman's eye. S vs S, you felt ignored and frustrated because nobody listened to you since you were sent to the bench. And when I came, you got called cool, you were happier than ever, beating the bad guy and being all you ever have wanted to be..." once he started talking he couldn't stop himself until he finished his entire thought. "Remus is that how you feel?" I ask with genuine concern. "what?" he asks to get a better understanding. "Did it hurt you that I got my happy ending and you didn't?" If so, I felt horrible. I saw the tears growing in his eyes as he nods. "Remus..." I put my hand on his and interlace our fingers. "I am sorry one million times over for making you feel like that. Even though I had a Happy ending, it didn't last. It's like it never happened. You left more of an impression than I ever could be the 'good guy'" we stare at each other " you know there is one more time when you showed emotions. Right now, with me. You keep trying to make me feel better which is sympathy. And you burst into laughter! You were confused when I said you have feelings." he explains to me all of these examples. "I can't argue with that, can I?" I ask. He shakes his head. "I suppose I truly do have feelings..."
(Hey pals! I hope you are enjoying, kinda long for my chapters. I think my schedule for posting will be every 3 days. However, this week I am going away on vacation so we'll see if I post. 826 words)
