Steel Heart

Ch 114 - How to Accept Failure

Fortunately, his captain's stomach did.

Grrrrrr!

Sanji brought the basket of food to Luffy. "Here," he said as he stepped to the side and leaned against the tree.

"Food!" Luffy gasped as he opened the lid of the now soggy basket.

"I...I dropped it on my way here. It's been crushed and it got wet in the rain," Sanji said when Luffy took out the bento box, which was now a jumbled mess of rice, vegetables, fish, and meat. The cook pushed his hand through his limp, wet hair, "It's...just another failure."

Luffy blinked and lifted a leg of meat coated in a murky sauce. He took a bite without hesitation and his whole face lit up. "S-Sooooo gooood!" he yelled as he dug into the bento box with fervor, "Ooh! There's sandwiches and hamburgers! Nana and Franky's favorite! Oh! EVERYONE'S FAVORITES ARE IN THIS BOX. This is the best meal ever!"

"I...I got carried away in the kitchen," Sanji admitted quietly and slumped down to the ground next to the rubber man. He watched Luffy eat bite after bite with no hesitation, like he always did with Sanji's food. With his meticulously served food that was usually not doused in rainwater and god knows what else.

The cook's lips started to tremble and he forced himself to look away.

"YOSH!" Luffy cheered as he got to his feet and threw out his arms, "I'm ready now! Alright! Let's go back!"

"I...I can't," Sanji whispered and Luffy turned to the cook.

"Why not?!" Luffy demanded.

Cut the crap and tell him what's in your heart.

The floodgates opened and tears streamed down Sanji's face as he lowered his head on the grass. There was only one thing in his heart and it was time he admitted it to not just Luffy but himself as well.

"I am so ashamed," he sobbed, "I am such a failure. I insulted my captain who came all this way for me. Did my best to kick you even while you didn't fight back. All in order to protect that damn geezer who I'm indebted to and the sea restaurant where I grew up...which turned out didn't need protecting because the woman I love was already protecting them...A woman...who I lied to and almost betrayed because I thought her life would be in danger. I have done nothing but cause pain and harm to everyone in my life..."

He almost choked on his own tears and he had to take a moment to regain some control over himself. "And now...and now..." he choked out, "My own biological family will all be killed in a few hours and I'm supposed to be the trigger for their deaths. The lynch pin to Big Mom's double cross. And...even though I hold nothing but resentment for my biological father and brothers...I still can't bring myself to walk away and turn my back on them."

He let in a straggled breath but he kept his head firmly on the ground. "I am an utter and complete failure and...I've even failed myself. I want to go back to the Sunny...I want to cook for everyone again. I want to marry Nana and find the All Blue. I want to see you become the King of Pirates. I want all of that so very much but...I can't...I can't get the courage to leave. Even though I know...I know that once the wedding starts, there's nothing I can do by staying...I can't stop anything by myself. I can't even save scum that I don't consider my family...I...I'm sorry...I am so...So..."

His voice broke and he bit at his lips to stop himself from sounding and looking more pathetic than he already was.

Flop!

"Hrmm..."

Sanji raised his head and his eyes widened at the sight of the rubber boy sitting cross-legged on the grass with a huge grin on his face.