Jerk Reviews - Closed

13_ Into The Wild Dark

Review of Into the Wild Dark by Lesserknown1

As a whole, this work is well edited and organized, and the author has a clear command of writing. Furthermore, the story seems to also be well edited and carefully developed. Character development and backstory evolve through the telling of the story itself, and we get into the plot rather quickly. Subtle hints of various elements that will be coming into play are inserted by the author. The piece begins with an excellent first sentence, a great combination of character detail and revolting shock. By ripping off a clip on tie, and then tossing it (into a puddle that smelled of piss) we learn so much about the main character/narrator. What follows is a dive into a gothic, urban wonderland that most reviewers found to be initially entertaining. Nevertheless, reviewers noticed areas for improvement.

Grammar, Syntax, and General Editing

The first chapter was a little choppy when it came to grammar but reading a bit further, the writing improved. There were little tidbits of the adrenaline rush you get from reading that made some reviewers want to read into the next chapter, which is what you want in a book generally to keep readers reading. When it comes to dialoguing, there are a few instances throughout the story where the author doesn't make new paragraphs for dialogue. It's ok to do that if it starts off with an explanation of a character reacting or doing something but not ok on its own.

In terms of the minutiae of editing, there are a few issues that some reviewers noticed. For instance, punctuation goes on the outside of the parenthesis. Take this example from chapter two: "(Children could be so perceptive.)" The period should come after the closing parenthesis. It should read "(Children could be so perceptive)." Another issue of note is the proper punctuation for quotes within quotes. To illustrate, in the first chapter, the author writes, "'Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.'" Proper quote within a quote punctuation reads, "'Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord'." Notice the period comes between the single and double quotation marks, at least following the American standard for punctuation.

On the topic of minor editing issues, take this sentence from chapter three: "I lapsed into Farsi, as well, as I stared at my reflection in the window." The words "as well" are not functioning as an interjection in this case and don't need to be surrounded by commas. As it stands, the commas interrupt the flow of the sentence. Perhaps the major issue in this example is the use of the word "as" multiple times in virtual succession. It may be better to edit issues like this out. For instance, the author could write, "As I stared at my reflection in the window, I lapsed into Farsi, as well."

Overall, though, these editing and grammar errors were all relatively minor and untroubling.

Plot, Narrative, and Tone

Some reviewers found that, at times, the author pushes a lot of information very quickly on the reader. As one is trying to grasp new characters (who aren't just simple people going about their lives) they're also bombarded by a quickly developing plot. Whereas this is done relatively well through some of the story, there are times where it feels like a lot is being thrown out. Other reviewers pointed this out as well. The story at a glance seems to have a lot going on, at times threatening to be too much. Sometimes reading feels more like being on a wild ride rather than being forced to keep track of too many details.

As a plot, a mysterious main character relishes his newly found freedom from jail, flashes back on a tense TV interview, and then tells a ghost story to the man next to him at the bar (who is himself a Wattpad writer!?). It seems crazy, and too much. And yet some reviewers found that it worked, while others found it to be off-putting.

On the topic of flashbacks, one reviewer articulated their issues like this: the flashbacks are a bit jarring. In order to inform readers that they are 'in' a flashback, the author should shift from simple past tense (i.e. I wanted a drink.) to past perfect tense (i.e. I had wanted a drink). The author does this when they first launch into the flashback and a few times throughout the flashback, yet they don't maintain past perfect tense for the entirety of the scene, leaving readers momentarily to wonder if they're reading about the past or the present. This falling out of the narrative is relatively brief because readers are able to figure out their place in the narrative after only a moment's thought. However, it's better that the narrative not lose them in the first place.