𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐘, mattia polibio

[13]

weeks go by. mattia and i aren't speaking. the dude broke up with jenna, again. i seriously don't care. i'm hungry... (wait but why am i actually writing about me at the moment in this book- i- bye)

yeah, we finished our stupid project. which i don't even understand why we did, that shit was stupid. it didn't bring me and mattia closer like we thought it would... believe me, we ALL thought it would.

but people come and go in your life, and mattia; happens to be that person.

do i still hangout with the group? duh. do it be hard sometimes? obviously. do i really care? not really. but i do care but it's like i don't. like i care, but then i don't care... you get me.

why do i keep talking about mattia? i don't know but i should stop. the dude is ruining my life.

anyways, i'm hanging out with like the best guy ever. we've been hanging out for some time, and i know i was kind of an asshole to him when we first met? or whatever but i guess that's what happens when you're really down for a person and would do anything for them even if that person, they don't like, did nothing to you but they did something to your friend, and you really love- or loved your friend to the point where you'd do anything and everything for them only for them to fuck you over, and leave you with nothing.

yeah, anyways. josh is coming over, and we're gonna do what i do like every other night... watch movies and eat snacks.

the doorbell rings, and i swing the door open to a smiling josh diaz.

he comes in, and we head up to my room to watch Lemonade Mouth with snacks.

mattia polibio

"what the fuck is josh doing at bell's house?" i asked the boys, and kairi answered, "oh yeah. they're probably having one of those movie nights."

"movie nights? like, where they watch movies in her room and eat snacks all night, and maybe... possibly... cuddle?" i asked him, and he nods.

"yeah. she's been spending plenty of time with josh. have you noticed? oh wait- you probably don't care because you haven't even decided to apologize to her or make things right with her like you're supposed to," said kairi; being petty.

"first off, fuck you. i'm gonna ruin their little play date in a moment. i just have to think of what i'm gonna say," i tell him.

"uh- good luck with that. you guys are enemies, AGAIN. she clearly doesn't want anything to deal with you," he told me and i rolled my eyes.

"what do you guys think?" i asked the other guys.

"i think-" "robert, i personally don't care what you think." i cut robert off before he could finish his sentence.

"then why'd you ask?-" he asked. he's right, what the fuck is up with me?

"shutup. just help me. i miss her. like... i don't know what it is, but i really miss her," i simped.

"because you fucking liked her. i told you, you liked her. and what did you say? no. you said you were in love with jenna. who the fuck denies their real feelings over fake ones? look where that got you," kairi snapped.

jeez... the midget was right. this is all my fault. why the fuck would i do that? i'm stupid. i'm a fucking idiot. i have to make things right with bellamy. but i just don't know how to.

we haven't been talking for weeks. she's been spending more time with josh, and she looks happy. i don't want to ruin her happiness but i cannot bare the thought of her being happy with another guy when she should be happy with me.