Steel Rose

Chapter 59

I nod, "Thank you."

The breakfast ends and Carmadon and the premier leave me to my own devices. I make way to my room, bigger than the one given to me on my first night. This one I can pull the curtains open and walk out onto the balcony, albeit a small one. Dark green painted walls, and a plush white bed. Dark oak dressers and plush carpets. And of course, the complementary little grey bassinet and stuffed bear placed snuggly by my bed.

Darcy will be joining me here tonight. His first night here to see how he can handle being outside the incubator. The nurses warn me that I won't be getting much sleep tonight or the following leading up to the day we leave. But I'm okay with that. Who needs sleep when I have my son with me. I smile. My son. I suppose I'll have to get used to saying that.

I quickly bath and dress before making my way to the hospital. Another day of crash course need to know from the nurses that I will be forever grateful for.

"You don't want to put him in the water just yet," the nurse says as she moves a small tub of water closer to where I have laid Darcy, on a flat surface. "Soft gentle strokes, starting at his face." She hands me a soft blue sponge and I dunk it in lukewarm water. "And make sure to keep him warm."

I nod and for the first time I give my son a bath. He coos softly to himself, leaning into my touch. I hum to him softly, as the nurse watches. I run the sponge over his sweet face making sure to get every crevice. "You're a natural," the nurse says.

I sigh, "Handling children always has come to me easily."

"Motherhood, I mean."

I frown, "If I was a good mother I would have known he was coming. I would have been prepared."

"There was no way to know dear."

"I mean I could have been more cautious." I clean off Darcy's tiny fingers one by one.

"I suppose," she admits. "But he is here now. Better late than never."

I smile, "Yes," I lean down and kiss his head and he stretches out his legs and yawns. "Here he is."

After his bath I swaddle Darcy in a blanket and cradle him to me as the nurse guides me to a rocking chair. The nurse sits in front of me clipboard in hand. "So, I assume you have been taking your pills."

"Yes, of course." I answer. "Three times a day, like you said."

"Good," she nods. "He'll thrive on breast milk. It's healthier and has all the nutrients he will need. Promotes bonding and will add on some much needed weight to keep him warm."

I nod. I've been taking the pills since the morning after he was born. Exactly two weeks ago. I stoke the thin silver strands on his head, "So when can I start?"

"Usually the milk will begin to produce around 2 weeks, so you can try tonight. Remember everything I told you?" I nod and she reaches into her pocket to pull out a little clicker. "This is for you, okay. For tonight and the following in case of emergency. Press this, and we will be there in a flash. At anytime."

A sense of unease comes over me but I accept it and tuck it into my pocket. I want to say there is no risk of my own son coming to stay with me, but I know better. As much as I hate it, I will stay here if Darcy cannot make the trip completely safe. My son's priorities come before anything else. Before anyone else.

_______

I struggle to eat dinner tonight with Darcy taking up space in my right arm. My dominant arm. Eventually that arm gets tired and I have to switch him over to left. I got in a few bites of my pasta, and a sip or two of my water when Darcy begans to squirm. Dropping my fork with a loud clink of metal on porcelain, I shift him again.

Carmadon who watched in a mix of growing fascination and amusement, offered his assistance. I hesitantly handed Darcy over to him, while Carmadon himself hesitantly took him. I quickly figured out that he himself taking Darcy was not exactly what he had in mind, as a young maid steps from the shadows her eyes ticking between me and Carmadon, hands slightly outstretched.

"Oh," I say stupidly. Carmadon laughs and waves off the young girl.

"I didn't think about how hard it would be to eat my own food with a baby in my hands," I admit taking another drink of my water.

"It will get easier I'm sure Miss Belle," he assures while shifting himself uncomfortably, "in time."

I sigh looking over at my baby's sleeping face. His cheeks have filled out, and a sweet silver hue fills them. He looks so much like his father now, and my heart aches. "In time."

Eventually Carmadon hands Darcy back sooner than later, looking slightly relieved. I take him back lightly giggling. We finish dinner soon after and bid each other a good night. I suppose I'll be in for a long night.

____________

It's his whimpering that wakes me up first, my eyes begging to stay closed. My body feels heavy and groggy and slow. I glance at the clock by my bed, 3:28 am. I don't want to, but Darcy's whimpers soon turns to cries and I sit up, running my hand over my hair, before reaching over. Despite my fatigue, the sight of my son in his grey onesie makes my heart warm. I tuck my hand under his head and butt and pick him up pulling him close to my chest. I learned the first time around that a shirt was too much to handle, and I glance at it sprawled on the foot of the bed.

I tuck him close, my arms better than the first time around, but still shaking, and let him latch on to me. I begin to rock side by side, in a soothing motion, but I quickly have to stop when my own eyes begin to drive back to sleep. I yawn as I look back down at Darcy.

The nurse's voice rings in my head. He'll naturally find his way, but he'll need some assistance. He is still small, so be gentle. Keep him close.

I smile at him, noticing how his eyes have reduced to slits. His little hand resting right above my heart. Talk to him. "You are so precious." I whisper. "Did you know that? How can you look so much like your father, huh?" He blinks at me and continues to eat. "The nurses say you will be as big and strong. Just like him you know. Maybe you'll be over six feet like him. Or maybe you'll look like your uncles. Would you like that, my love? Mmm?" I hum to him a little as he finishes eating.

I clean off his mouth with my discarded silk shirt and toss the shirt over my shoulder before beginning to burp him. Try for a few minutes, but not always will your baby have to burp. But always try before putting him back to bed. Gentle but firm pats.

I do as instructed, nuzzling my head against his. I'm careful not to hurt him as I hum, staring at the little night light in the corner. Perfectly placed to illuminate the bassinet in a soft gold carasse. After a while, I place Darcy back and he sneezes softly, the action making me smile. I run my finger down his head over his cheeks, and down to his little nub of a chin. The fatigue comes crashing back down on me. I place a kiss on his head and I lay back down. I notice with a baby it is easier to fall asleep.