♥~ Artsy Cindy ~♥

Well...............

I uhm, have an art to show. Obviously.

If you wonder why in the world I am showing you this. Well............ Long story short, my family is going through some rough times, life has been stressful, pretty much having so much problems, is always trying to shake off all these problems like it's nothing but deep in my mind it is hurting me badly.

And I am, as this art says, is trying to hold it in. Just to look strong, since I always feel like I am weak and a burden, so I try not to be one. I even hide the times I cried, that is how embarrassed I am to show my weakness.

Today, well, my mom just once again reminded how my 'great' dad haven't sent money to us. I am not gonna be mad, because of the whole quarantine, most people lost their jobs. I mean does it hurt to just tell us if whatever is happening to him right now?

I am worried.

I am really, really scared.

I don't know if I could be able to get through this. I avoid it, but could I ever get through it? It hurts as much as it is now, do I want to divulge myself in this pain in order to be better? What am I, suicidal???

...

I won't answer that.

It really, really hurts when I ever think of it. I just keep myself happy by memes, humor, and just thinking, "nah, my life ain't bad." Even if I know it is. And when I realize it, I just tell myself it's ok.

I should probably go sing to some songs now, or looks for memes. I never stay sad forever even if it hurts, I just avoid it, because it would stab my heart and let me bleed. And if it does, and I am infront of my mother and sister, I feel like panicking, my head hurts, and I can't really focus, plus my head feels heavy. I wanna get away from them. I want to chill in a happy little room of darkness and think of cuddly kittens to happy myself.

Well, that is all I guess. My heart is still heavy and schist from showing this. But I don't know, I wanted to show you my weakness so I could be able to overcome it? Or because I want someone aside my family to care? Someone to tell my it's okay? I don't know, but I feel compelled.

Maybe it's because, probably, I wanted to show... This happy crazy weeb has issues and problems?

No schist Cindy, everyone has one.

Whatever. I don't care. I just felt... Like I wanted to, that's it. I wanted to rant, to let go all this pain in my heart which I hold in. I don't have any 'real' friends... So... Yeah...

Oh well, thank you for your time. I'll try to not cry as soon I will regret even posting this, but since I wanted to do this, I will do this. So I'll go cheer myself up; memes, music. Because honestly, all I really had in this world is me, myself, and I.

And for goodness sakes, 'Strong' and 'Good Kid' from the Percy Jackson Musical is making me teary. But I love it. Especially Strong. I love the message.

"Normal is a myth, everyone has issues their dealing with.

The things that make you different, is the very things that make you strong...

So be strong..."

And probably since this is making me bawl... I'll just listen to 'Drive', another song from TLT. It has an upbeat and more on telling me duh.

"It's one foot forward everytime.

Dust off all that grim and grime.

There's still a lot of things to do!

Drive! Just drive!

Stay ahead, stay ahead, stay alive!"

Yeah, I really like those lines better. Who am I kidding I love it both.

Bye.

Wattpad: Publish Finished.