✔️| The Gift of a Curse {1}

CHAPTER NINETEEN

He cries for an hour, maybe two; it is hard to track time when we are in one of Nick's made up worlds. Somehow, we end up in Nick's childhood bedroom sitting on his bed as he cries on my shoulder. Our backs are leaned on the bed's cupboard and our legs spread on the duvets.
As I stare at the pictures on the night stand, I feel and hear Nick's cries start to become calmer but I do not pull away.
"I am sorry." He apologizes when he fully stops crying and rests his head on my shoulder.
"You have nothing to apologize for. I am glad you felt comfortable and safe enough to let it out on my shoulder." I want to look at his eyes but I have to move in order to do so and I am way too comfortable to do that. Hence, I just grab his hands and start playing with his ringed fingers.
"How are you feeling?" I finally ask.
"Better, that is for sure."
"Nick?"
"Hmm?"
"Like you said, I know you well by now. So, I know that your tears were not only concerning your parents. Do you want to talk about it?" I choose to ask him when I make sure that his crying session is over. I can see his tension, it is as if he is nervous to be around me, or perhaps nervous about having to tell me something. I consider the fact that perhaps I am dying but I know that if that was the case, Nick would not be here, he would try to find a way to save me.
"I figured you have to know before you wake up, so you will know what to expect." He answers.
"What are you talking about?" I let go of his hand and force myself to move away from him in order to look at him. His eyes are really swollen but what concerns me is the fear in them.
"It is Xander, he got triggered by what happened to you and he..." I listen silently as Nick tells me everything I missed.
"Shadow, say something, please." Nick pleads once he finishes talking. The problem is, I cannot, I do not know what to think. I know that I do not hate Alec but that does not mean I am not a little frightened by what he did.
From the way Nick described it, I have a feeling that Alec tried to stop Amoux he tried to overpower him. I cannot imagine how that felt like; to be in a mental war between two parts of yourself. I just know that if I was in his shoes, I would not handle it pretty well especially if I hurt my best friend. I cannot imagine a world where I would hurt either Nick or Clay and be able to live with myself.
I look at the situation from all sides.
I think about Alec.
I think about the doctor's family.
I think about Joshua.
I think about Nick.
I think about Chance.
I think about the pack.
And I think about Clay. I cannot help but feel a strong urge to give Alec a piece of my mind for choking Clay, but I sense that he has to handle much more important things rather than myself.
"How is Clay?" I ask in order to distract myself from asking about Alec.
"He is alright. In fact, he is sleeping next to you right now."
"Well, that is good." I smile.
"And guess what?" Nick gives me a playful look, but I can see that it is a façade; an attempt to cheer me up. Nonetheless, I play along.
"What?" I give him a grin.
"He actually likes Xander." I give Nick a look, I wait for him to tell me that he is joking, when he does not, my eyes widen.
"Wow!" I whisper to myself.
"I know right. It is really weird."
"Tell me about it, now I really want to wake up." I make a sad face.
"Trust me everyone in the Open Wound pack wants you to wake up."
"What do you mean?" I give him a confused look.
"Well... it is nothing to worry about." He rubs his hands against his thighs; a sign that he is hiding something.
"Nick?" I get off his bed and start to walk around it so I can reach my friend.
"Look, it really is nothing, I do not want you to concern yourself with this." He jumps off the bed so fast that I do not have the time to catch him. I do have the time, however, to lock the door before he makes his official escape. I push him into the locked door, and place my hand on his chest violently.
"Nikolai Fairchild, if you do not start talking, I am going to let Accalia cut your hands off."
"Okay, okay, there are rumors among the pack that you are Xander's mate. He announced a meeting that is taking place as we speak, and he is going to confirm it."
"What? But..." I cannot create a coherent sentence. Thus, I shut my mouth.
"He did not want to do it, but with everything that has happened in the last few hours..." I pull away from him and sit on the ground and hug my legs like a homeless person who is shivering from the brutal cold.
"Yeah I know, and anyway, I have more important things to worry about, and I choose to face things one step at a time. So first step, I have to wake up. Until that happens, I do not see the point in concerning myself with anything else. All it will cause is anxiety and panic attacks, or perhaps me finally having a psychotic break." Nick joins me on the comfy carpet in his middle childhood bedroom.
"So, the famous Shadow Prior has found her mate. How do you feel about that?" I look at him expecting to see a playful smirk, I find none. He is serious; he really wants to know how I am feeling, but it is hard to tell him when I myself do not know.
"You can tell me, I will not tell him. Unlike my brother I actually do keep secrets." He chuckles.
"I know you do. It is just that... I do not know how I am feeling. I mean I cannot feel the mating bond, which I am sure you already know. And to be honest that complicates things."
"How so?"
"Well, you know my initial thought about mates..."
"Are you saying that you no longer regard mates as a pointless and ridiculous concept." Nick interrupts me with a genuine smile making me realize that he is actually happy that two of his close friends are mates.
"I am saying that he is the exact opposite of why I did not want a mate, why I believed that it is stupid to wait for the day you meet your mate." I huff as I try to make my friend understand.
"I do not follow."
I take a minute to organize my thoughts and calculate my words. If anyone can help me understand this situation, it is Nick.
"You know how males are back home! They are possessive, they are cocky, they are prideful, and they believe they are above and better than women; the list is infinite. The horrible adjectives I can use to describe them are endless. So, I always assumed that when I do find my mate, he will be like them, like my father, like Stefan, and like Oliver."
"So?" He sounds like he is leading me through a path of realization which in a way he is.
"Of course I want a mate; everyone wants someone to share their life with. It is just I do not want someone who will be like every male I have met..."
"Xander is not like any male you have met." Nick interrupts me once again with a soft smile on his face.
"I know which is what makes everything so damn complicated."
"Elaborate please." My witch friend gives me an unimpressed look.
"It is just he is... he is kind, generous, loving, gentle, vulnerable, humble, cares about his pack, and he respects women. Minus Clay, I have never met a werewolf male who has these qualities until I came here. And..."
"He also has a dark side Shadow." Nick interrupts me for a third time.
"Well, you did not let me finish." I give him a glare before I continue.
"And at the same time, I know that he has a dark past, I know he hurt people, and I know he literally has a beast inside. In my opinion, this is completely normal, everyone has a dark side, and it just happens that sometimes he cannot control his."
"So?"
"So what?" I start to get a little frustrated with his one word replies.
"I mean, what do you conclude from all of this? And you also forgot to mention that he really wants to be with you even though you cannot feel the bond."
"Yeah." I huff.
"So I ask again, what do you conclude from all of this?" he waits patiently for my answer, but I have none.
"I..." I have no words.
"You do not know, do you?" Nick gives me a smile. All I do I nod.
"You want to hear what I think?"
"Enlighten me." I give him a wave with my hand.
"I think that you want to get to know Xander, you want to know Amoux, and you want to know his other sides; the ones the world does not know exist. I also think that you want to accept him but something is holding you back. What is it?" He looks like he is genuinely curious.
"Honestly, I feel like he is too good of a person to be real. As for his dark side, I do not know, I feel like I should know exactly what I would be agreeing to if I am going to accept Alec. I do not know... I am so confused." I rub my face with my hands.
"Well, luckily, you have until you wake up to think about it." Nick puts his hand on my shoulder.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I figured that I would not be a good friend if I leave you in the dark. So, I did a spell and your consciousness is going to be here until you wake." At that I hug him really tight, I squeeze him actually, but he does not complain. After a couple of minutes, he pulls away.
"Oh, and by the way, I would not try to communicate with Accalia. She is much weaker than you are and the speed of your recovery depends on her."
"So if I talk to her she will only become weaker?"
"Yup."
"Well, that sucks." I mumble to myself.
"I have to go, but I will see you tomorrow, I promise." I nod.
"Before you go, can you send a message to Alec?"
"Of course." I wish I could see Alec's face when he hears what I wanted to say.