See You Bleed | ✓

XI

4 years ago

I'm pressing send on yet another long text message I've written him. He never replies. I never lose hope.

He must be busy. Moscow is a big city, it never sleeps. He's probably stressed out. He needs more time. I'm sure he will come around very soon. Aren't you tired lying to yourself?

"Sasha," I hear my best friend's voice calling me from the room next to mine. I open Eva's door to see what she wants.

"I'm really sorry," she sounds apologetic when she puts her phone on the table, urging me to look at the screen.

Disbelief. That's not real. It can't be. He's mine. I look at the picture of him embracing a pretty blonde and kissing her cheek. "She's probably just a friend," I say weakly. Who are you still fooling?

Eva is looking at me with pity in her eyes and it makes me want to throw up.

Rage. How does he fucking dare do that to me? I go back to my room and lock the door behind me. My whole body is trembling. Everything in this room reminds me of him.

The frames with our photographs. The books he gifted me on my birthdays. His sweaters I used to borrow and never return. His scent. It's like he never left.

My fingers are shaking when I throw all the frames with our photographs against the wall. I hope you fucking burn in hell.

I tear the pages of every damn book he's ever given me into shreds. I hope you'll experience pain a million times worse than what I'm feeling right now.

I grab the scissors from the computer table and start maniacally cutting his sweaters into pieces. I just want to see you bleed.

I finally collapse on the floor and break down into painful soundless sobs. Did you ever even love me? Am I not good enough? Do I not deserve to hear a simple explanation?

That was the day a piece of my soul died forever.