One Direction/ 5SOS Boyxboy one-shots

Fairytales

Pairing: Lashton

Warnings: mentions of suicide, angst, ghost!Ashton, dark topics, established relationship, major character death.

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Prompt: Luke didn’t mean for it to happen, he never thought it would. He saw Ashton as this strong figure, like a steel wall that could never be broken down, only Ashton felt he was falling apart and the only thing holding him together was Luke.

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Luke didn’t know why he had said it; he didn’t know what they had been fighting about in the first place. Luke does know that he regrets it more and more with every passing day, with every day that took him a step closer to August 30th- the day he would be burying the love of his life. He blamed himself, he couldn’t see how broken Ashton really was. Luke thinks it was his last words that had finally shattered Ashton, and he wishes that he had never let those horrible words leave his mouth- he had wished that seconds after the words were spat at the boy he loved, leaving a dirty taste in his mouth- wishes that he would have held Ashton close and never let him go.

He also blamed Ashton. Ashton, the boy who pretended to be okay, who said he was fine, who hid his pain from the only one that was making his life worthwhile. Of course Ashton had loved Mikey and Calum as well, but they didn’t hold him together, not like Luke did anyways.

So there Luke sat, on their shared bed- because even if Ashton was gone it would still be theirs- reading over the same letter that Ashton had left him the day he ended his life. The day that Luke had died with him, the day that the last words uttered to his love was ‘I hate you.’ Those words were spat with such venom, and Luke would give anything to take them back. With tears streaming down his face he read the letter again, each time adding another tear stain. Luke thought it was intimate in a way, because when he had gotten the letter Ashton had painted it with his own tears. Their tears were mingling, the only way that they would be together until Luke eventually joined him. Luke was tempted to leave the same way Ashton had, but the letter he read urged him not to.

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Dear Luke,

I’m sorry. I know this will hurt you, but I’m far to broken to be fixed. I’m shattered, completely obliterated and I’m missing pieces. There would be no way to put me back together again.

I can’t say that those last words didn’t hurt, but I know you were just angry, you were hurt and I’m sorry that I was the one to do that to you.

I’m not strong, Luke, I’ve never been strong but I have been told I’m quite the actor. I’m sure you’ve mentioned that a few times. I’m trying to be cheery, I mean I’m finally doing it. I’ve finally got enough courage to go through with it. It helps that I don’t think about how your face will look when you’ve discovered what I’ve done. It makes it easier to forget about you for a little, there’s nothing holding me back- no that sounds bad, there’s nothing stopping me or saving me- and I already feel this rush of adrenaline. It’s nothing like performing, it’s so much better. Nothing like the pain of the blade piercing my skin, but it’s closer to that than anything else.

I feel free.

I don’t have to keep up this image, I don’t have to pretend not to love you, I don’t have to stand back and watch you with her. I don’t have to ignore how close you’ve gotten with her, and I don’t have to ignore the look of love that was once on your face when you looked at me, now on your face when you look at her.

I don’t have to hold you back from the love you deserve.

This isn’t easy, and I’ve been planning it for so long that it just became a dream. I think I believed that I would never have to go through with it. I believed you would be enough, that you would stick around with someone as broken as me.