The Difference Between Getting and Needing

t h i r t y - s i x

"Do you wanna hear my idea or not?" I interrupted him. With a sigh, he gestured with the flick of his hand for me to go on. "I think we should watch the video from the night we... you know, got married."

Gus blinked, then without missing another beat, exclaimed, "Fuck yeah. Wait, you mean you've had it this whole time and you never watched it? Not even a minute of it?"

"No, I swear. I haven't even looked at how long it is," I told him. "For whatever reason, I've been putting it off, but I think this is something we need to do together."

"I couldn't agree more."

"Things have been so good and I want it to stay that way," I breathed out like that fact itself was the most relieving thing I had ever said. My gaze dropped from his and I barely heard myself when I rasped, "I don't want to be scared anymore."

"And you don't have to be," he urged as he tipped my chin up with one of his hands so I would look at him again.

His eyes intently searched mine and the only thing I saw in them was gleaming reassurance. I didn't think it was possible for my heart to swell even more than it already had, but now it was about to bust open and split me in two. My answer was leaning up and gently pressing my lips to his.

The video was on my phone, which was still in the kitchen. It wasn't a far distance at all, but the idea of leaving the warmth of our bed was probably the least appealing thing I could think of. Still, it was my idea, so I got my bare naked ass out of our room and in about ten seconds flat, I was back under the covers.

I sprawled out beside Gus and swiftly scrolled through my camera roll until I spotted the video, my lips pursing when I saw how long it was.

"Fourteen minutes... not bad. I don't know what I was really expecting," I mused, tapping on the blurred thumbnail to open it.

Gus nestled himself closer to me so he could get a better view. "Well, knowing Keone it's gotta be half-decent. He's an LA megastar, for Christ's sake. He must know something about good cinematography."

"That's probably the only thing he knows," I sneered as I turned my phone onto its side so the video filled the whole screen. "At least he had the decency to film it horizontally."

My thumb lingered over the play button in suspense. This was the moment of truth. At last, we were about to figure out what the hell happened that night. We were about to witness our wedding ceremony in all its messy, drunken, forgotten glory.

I hadn't realized I was holding my breath, then I pressed play and the video started moving.

"Alright alright alright, here we go!" Keone's booming voice came through the speaker though he was nowhere to be seen, causing me to lower the volume so we wouldn't be deaf by the end. For a moment, all we saw was his lap wherever he was sitting until he finally straightened out his phone. We got a clear view of my feet on a shabby wooden floor from Keone's front-row seat in what looked like a dimly lit, slightly run-down chapel.

I saw my toes peeking out from the hem of my dress, knowing I only had on those dumbass barefoot sandals Sutton forced us to wear and no proper shoes. As the camera panned up, Gus and I stood before one another with a short, elderly man between us. He was tanned from head to toe, wearing all white with an orange lei around his neck.

Gus' jacket from his suit was draped over my shoulders, while his dress shirt was so rumpled it looked like he just pulled it out of the hamper. My hair was somehow curled from that morning, the lone orchid still behind my ear and the bouquet from Sutton's ceremony dangling from one of my hands.