✖Burden✖ | ° JKxBTS °

☆Beginning☆

He was really tired... Tired of being alive.
He was ,,golden maknae" so he must do everything perfect. He can't do any mistekes but it was really hard for him. He tried his best for people not to find the truth which he hides from everyone.. which he hides behind the mask.
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It was really early in the morning.
He really don't likes wake up that early. He want to stay in his bed and sleep all days but they have another dance practice so he must wake up even if he don't want to do that.

Jungkook Pov.

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"Agrhh... So annoying" says Jungkook while punching his alarm clock.
Every part of his body aches. He didn't sleep very well last night. That's why he was really tired.
"Jungkook-ah!! Wake up!! We have a dance practice today. So...please.. come down, breakfast is ready" - Seokjin-hyung said a gentle voice. He was really worried about me lately.
"I'm coming!!" - I shouted to him

"I really don't want to go. Everything hurts.. my legs, my stomach, my head and.. my wrists. After what I did yesterday, I'm not surprised at all."

I went to the bathroom. I looked at the mirror. I have really bad circles under my eyes and they are swollen. My face looks terrible... just like.. I didn't sleept about three days, maybe a week?
Yeah but that's true. I didn't sleep for almost a five days and didn't eat for a week. But this is not that bad. I can handle this. I'm golden maknae.. Right? Or everyone think I am.
I'm not!! I can't do anything right. I'm fat and ugly. I don't know why everyone praises me since I haven't even done it right.

I splashed water to my face. I went to the wardrobe and I put on a oversized black hoodie, black sweatpants and black sneakers.
I left the room and went towards the kitchen. Everyone was already there and ate.

"Hi Jungkook. Did you sleep well?" - Jimin-hyung said with worried voice.

"Yes hyung. I sleept well" - I lied. They can't know that I didn't sleep for a few days. When I said that everyone gave me worried glances. I don't care..
I sat down and Seokjin-hyung gave me plate with three pancakes which he made today for the breakfast.

I really want to eat this pancakes but I can't.

It's okay Jungkook. You can eat this and then just throw up everything. This is the best option for you. You are fat!! You must lose weight!!

The voice said this in my head. Yeah.. That's right. I have voice in my head. But he just want to help me but sometimes he is really annoying.

I grabbed fork and I ate 2 pancakes so no one can notice that it's something wrong with me.

Don't keep it for too long!
Remember that! Or you will gain more weight... and you don't want that!

Yeah, yeah I know that so please just shut up!!

"Jungkook-ah! Why you ate only 2?
You love that pancakes. There's something wrong? Are you sick or...."- then I just cut Jin-hyung

"No. It's just.. I'm not hungry and my head hurts a little bit" - I lied. Again..

"Oh bunny.."- Said Jimin.
Everyone just looked at me and didn't say anything

"It's okay. I can give you some painkillers so you will be better soon" - then Jin-hyung gave me painkillers and I swallowed them with water.

"Now.. Can I go to my room? Please?"

"Yes, you can. But if you're sick just tell us okay bunny?"

"Of course hyung" - I stood up and walked away from the table, straight into my room. I have room to myself. It's just that.. I don't want to share a room with anyone. So I can do everything what I want and no one can stop me.
Ohh... and I have my own bathroom.

When I reached to my room I rushed to the bathroom and locked door behind. I sat next to the toilet and I put my fingers to my throat.
After a few times I throw up.

When I stood up, I looked at the mirror just to see my puffy face and watery eyes.
Then I decided to open a shelf and I pulled out my old best friend... My blade. It was old but still sharp enough to make deep cut.
I sat down again I relied on the wall and I pull up my sleeves.
Then blade just go through my skin. I watched as blood flowed out from cut.
I didn't want to go that deep but it was too late. Black dots appeared in front of my eyes and then I just hit the ground with a big THUMP.

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~862 words~

Do you like it? Tell me if you like it or not.
And if you seen some mistakes please just write it and I can fix it.

I'm really bad at long writing in  english so please forgive me.

Next update will be in a few days? I think. Wait for that.. 안녕 see you next time.