Fourth

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I wasn't sure how much time had passed since my captivity in this underground hell-hole, but it was an entirely unpleasant experience. The air was always stuffy, dusty, and my lungs ached for fresh air. Sometimes I had coughing fits that seemed impossible to stop and my ribs ached with old injuries. The first couple of days, I tried to keep track of the hours that passed, but with no windows to indicate the time of day, I quickly lost track.

It was disorientating and confusing. I felt like I was experiencing an out-of-body point of my life, I barely even felt like my mind was there. Thoughts drifted uselessly, sounds echoed, and I slowly lost my will to do anything aside from what the man told me.

Luckily, the 'lessons' had stopped for a while. I decided it did me no good to fight and instead used a logical approach. As sick as a he was, and what I feared he might attempt, I simply spent my days at his side. I would follow him where ever he might go and as easy as it might sound, it was a horror movie all in itself.

I tried to map out the underground maze in my head but he knew that, and he purposely led me in circles. At this point, I felt like I would never outsmart him. He was just too good. Regardless, I was horrified with what the prisoners had to endure. They lived in the dirt and they were barely provided the essentials to survive.

I would witness guards beating the prisoners senseless. I watched men work until they keeled over. I watched the few women suffer the cruel acts of the guards. I watched people being murdered after all their hard work. And I could do nothing about any of it. I wanted to close my eyes and never see the horrors but I could not. I realized that the man was playing a sick game. Maybe his whole operation was a game. God, I was so confused.

He never said his name and he only ever addressed me as girl or darling. I couldn't obtain more information about him, even his guards called him master. I considered myself lucky that he didn't let his guards handle me, I would probably commit suicide.

I often sat alone in my cell at night and tried to ponder the day - or whatever it was. I was afraid to close my eyes because the haunting images would play like a continuous loop. I wanted to save those people, that's what this mission was about. That's what I was trying to do. I mentally kicked myself for being so stupid. I had tried to locate my team but I think he kept us apart, to make me truly believe they were dead but I didn't want to believe that.

I felt like his idea of keeping me at his side and making me endure the horrors was; number one, entertainment for his sick mind, and number two, a manipulation that was slowly working its way into my mind. I often caught myself with thoughts that weren't my own, I felt myself losing grip in reality, and eventually my mind would be exhausted.

I also realized that he kept me close because he was using me against my team. Another hope that they were alive. If he had no leverage, my team would surely fight their way out. Once again, I came to the conclusion that I messed up. I was hindering everyone. I hated myself and I wished I had never joined the team, they would have been better off with another tech person.

My body was heavy, it felt like gravity was intensified and I could barely move. I was only given dirty water twice a day, and possibly a stale meal twice a week. My stomach had given up in its growls and now it just felt like an empty pit. I was sure my body was eating itself, that's why my muscles felt lax and useless.

I was going to die in here and that failed to scare me. I felt like I didn't care about anything. I was numb. I could only blink. Obey. Survive...but was it surviving? What was I even doing, I didn't know. Was I just prolonging my death? My mind was a dangerous place and I feared its power. When I wasn't in the right mind, dark thoughts lurked. I never knew such evil existed in me.

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