Up Too Late

On the Ground Again

Everyone reviles the means

Never looking past

Gambling Drugs Alcohol

Campaigning against and 

Efforts are meaningful

But effect is not found

For humanity is addicted to addiction. 

It's the rush the reliance

For me? Many say adrenaline.

But it is not the blood rushing 

Heart pounding I seek

It's a feeling - 

Falling. 

The promise of weightlessness

is tempting

But the unknown seductive.

It's gotten to the point I'm not sure 

if I've always been clumsy

Or if my body's seeking a fix. 

The control of losing control

The choice I make cyclically

But it never seems to be enough. 

I'm told as a child I tumbled

Through gymnastics and down stairs

Growing with my body were the grids on my limbs - 

Blood never bothered me

The pain easily aside. 

I soon flew higher

And fell harder

Off of fences merry-go-rounds

Letting myself go limp to slide from swings

Then the tree, and although everyone assures me it was 

An accident

I can't quite recall. 

No wish for an end, only for a result

Experiments one after the other

You see, I leapt over and over

Chances were for an eventual slip

The higher I go

The more scared to jump

But addiction calls and I pitch forward

Bravery?

I'm only looking for one more sensation

Fingers floating too heavy without weight

I can't feel my heart

I've left myself behind

The moment slows and I live in time

Others every bump and bruise

I feel the pressure of every cell as it

contacts, rolling until I've lost shape

And stare at the ceiling. 

But addictions are caused by temporary

And I fade

Remembering only the need. 

If I ended with more than a feeling

Maybe reason would outweigh instinct

Yet bones left unbroken

Any damage only apparent in my head

I continue to embrace gravity. 

It's funny - 

The pressure of the world leaves only

when I willingly embrace it. 

The world chooses to fall in love and 

I choose to fall in the world.