Since Nine Book 3: Shattered

Null and Void

CHAPTER 8

RAMCEL

“Naku Ramcel, kapag hindi importante to mananagot ka talaga sakin!” Inis na inis na sabi ni Lauren pagbukas na pagbukas ni Ramcel ng pinto. Naka-red body hugging v-neck dress ito. May curl effect and dulo nang mahaba nitong buhok at naka-full make up.

Kung wala lang syang pinagdadaanan she could have told Lauren she was extra beautiful that night. Mukhang naistorbo nya ang date nito. “Sorry.”

“May date ako dapat ngayon at ayoko sanang ma-late dahil nakakahiya sa kanya. I’m gonna kill you pag napurnada ang love life ko dahil sayo,” tuloy nitong sabi habang dire-diretsong pumunta sa sala at umupo sa mahabang sofa.

“I appreciate you coming.” Ramcel was trully grateful. Walang thirty minutes mula nang tawagan nya ito, nandito na sa condo nya ang kaibigan. Lauren had always been a reliable friend since they were young that’s why she cherished her friendship so much.

“Ang pormal mo naman,” nagtatakang komento nito saka sya nito tinitigan. They locked eyes for a moment. Maybe there was something in her eyes that made Lauren looked worried. “What’s wrong?” Her voice was suddenly careful and gentle. 

“Please don’t tell anyone about this yet.” Ramcel hated herself when her hands shook as she gave Victoria’s letter to Lauren, who read it.

Unti-unting napapakunot ang noo nito habang binabasa ang sulat. Mukhang nalungkot rin ito sa nabasa. May disappoinment din na gumuhit sa expression nito. Nag-angat ito nang tingin. “What can I do to help?”

“I need to talk to her. Magpapasama sana ako sayo sa Batangas.” Alam ni Ramcel na doon nagpunta ang asawa. She was confused and raging inside. She couldn’t go there driving alone. Wala syang mapapala kung madidisgrasya sya and she also needed someone to lean on. Someone strong because she couldn’t be. “But if you have a date…”

“I can just cancel.” Lauren cut her off.

“Baka masira ang lovelife mo.” Nagawa nyang magbiro.

“He’s not that handsome anyway,” pambabalewalang sabi ni Lauren.

“Really?”

“Well, he’s hot.” There was a faint smile on Lauren’s lips. “But you are more important, Ram. Let me make a phone call and lend me something to wear. I need to change outfit.”

“Shit!” Ramcel mentally cursed when it started raining hard when they were about to reach the expressway. Niloloko ba talaga sya ng pagkakataon at kailangang umulan? Parang eksena sa pelikula kung saan lugmok ang bida saka sasabayan nang malakas na ulan. Samahan na rin kaya ng kulog at kidlat? “Great.” She rolled her eyes when right on cue a lightning really flashed across the sky then there was a roaring thunder after.

Medyo nagmenor sa pagmamaneho si Lauren, na nagkwento na lang tungkol sa trabaho nito sa Law firm ng Tita nito para kahit papaano madistract sya. Ganap na itong abogado at kahit bago pa lang bumubuo na ito ng magandang reputasyon.

Dahil sa traffic, pasado alas otso nang huminto sila sa harap ng gate ng mga Alonzo. Lumapit sa kotse ang isang pulis na may dalang flashlight at nakasuot ng kapote dahil tuloy pa rin ang buhos ng ulan. May ilang mga pulis pa ang nakatayo sa harap ng gate. Bahagyang ibinaba ni Lauren ang bintana ng kotse.

“Good evening po, Ma’am. Sino po sila at ano pong sadya nila?” Medyo nasilaw pa sila nang itapat sa kanila nito ang dalang flashlight. 

“Good evening, Kuya. Si Victoria po sana ang sadya namin, pakisabi si Ramcel Villarances.” Nag-excuse ito sandali at bumalik sa guard house. Kinabahan si Ramcel. Baka pagbawalan itong papasukin sila. Nakahinga sya nang maluwag nang pinagbuksan sila nito ng gate at sumenyas na ipasok na ang sasakyan.

Si Maristela ang sumalubong at nagpapasok sa kanila sa bahay. Mukhang alam na nito ang mga nangyayari because she gave her a sympathetic smile. Bumeso ito sa kanilang dalawa ni Lauren. Napansin nyang may pasa at benda si Maristela sa braso.

“Anong nangyari sayo?” Ramcel asked.

“Hinarang kami ni Conrad last week. Galing kaming dalawa sa isang Charity Event. Pinagbabaril ang kotse namin. Buti mga sugat lang ang tinamo namin ng kapatid ko. I don’t think they intended to kill us. Gusto lang yata kaming takutin.” Niyakap nito ang sarili nito. Nakaligtas man, tila nagkintal ng takot dito ang nangyaring insidente.

“Sinong may kagagawan nito? Do you already have an idea?”

“Wala pa. Ang suspetsa namin baka kalaban ni Dad sa pulitika. He’s a strong candidate for being a Governor. Ngayon pa lang pinupuntirya na sya.”

“How’s your Dad?”

“He’s okay,” matipid nitong sagot.

Ramcel couldn’t imagine how scared the Alonzos were at that moment but she came for a different reason. “Look, is Victoria here? I really need to talk to her.”

“Hindi ka na dapat nagpunta rito,” biglang singit ni Conrad, na noo’y pababa ng grand staircase. Katulad ni Maristela, may mga pasa ito at sugat sa braso. “Nakipaghiwalay na sayo ang ate ko. Huwag mo na syang habulin pa. Nagising na sya sa katotohanan na imoral ang makipagrelasyon sa isang katulad mo.”

“Conrad!” Pigil ni Maristela at tinapunan nang masamang tingin ang kapatid.

“Masisira ang reputasyon ng pamilya natin kapag nalaman ito ng mga tao.” Conrad gave Ramcel a disgusted look.

“Kasal sila ng kapatid mo.” Si Lauren ang sumagot. Binuksan nito ang dala-dalang Louis Vuitton bag at inilabas ang calling card nito saka inabot kay Conrad. “If you don’t remember me, I’m Atty. Lauren Aristeo. Ramcel’s lawyer. Kung gustong makipaghiwalay ng kapatid mo, we’ll do it legally. My client wants to talk about divorce.” 

Divorce? No, that’s not what she wanted but Ramcel didn’t say anything. Kung yan ang paraan ni Lauren para makausap nila si Victoria hahayaan na lang nya.

“It’s okay Conrad. I’ll talk to her.” Lumukso sa tuwa ang puso ni Ramcel nang marinig ang boses ni Victoria. Kahit anong sakit ng nararamdaman nya, iba talaga ang dating sa kanya ng asawa. She couldn’t stop herself from admiring Victoria, who looked beautiful on her black body fit turtleneck sweater, white khaki shorts and high heels.

Para itong isang diyosa habang bumababa sa hagdan. The only eyesore was the man beside her who looked annoyingly handsome. Nakaalalay ito kay Victoria hanggang makababa ang mga ito at makalapit sa kanila.

“May I borrow Dad’s office?” Baling nito kay Maristela, na tumango.

“Shall we?” Victoria turned to Ramcel, who nodded.

“Can we talk alone?” Tanong ni Ramcel nang mapansing pasunod din si Hector sa kanilang dalawa.

“Pwede mong sabihin sa kanya kung anuman ang sasabihin mo sakin.” Victoria’s voice was so detached.

“Please?” Ramcel pleaded. “I want to talk to you alone.”

Napatingin si Victoria kay Hector na tila humihingi ito ng permiso. “I can handle this.”

“Are you sure?” Hector asked.

“I’ll be okay, Babe.” Victoria gave him a smile and a quick kiss on his lips.

It took all of Ramcel’s effort to fight back the tears. How could Victoria do that infront of her? How could she hurt her like that?

Wala sa sariling sumunod si Ramcel kay Victoria papunta sa opisina ng Daddy nito. Same office kung saan sya nito ipinakilala ng pormal bilang asawa nito.

Pagkasara ni Victoria ng pinto, dumiretso ito sa bintana ng opisina at hinawi ang kurtina. Kita pa ring umuulan sa labas kasabay ng kulog at kidlat.

“Just send me the papers and I’ll sign them,” kaswal na sabi ni Victoria saka ito humarap sa kanya. The usual warmth whenever Vi’s eyes laid on her was absent. Her eyes were devoid of feelings. She was just standing infront of her but she seemed so distant. Unreachable.

“You know that’s not what I came for,” Ramcel said softly. “I came for you. I came for us.”

“There’s no more “US”, Ram. I already made that clear on my letter.” Her voice was so cold.

Bakit ganito sya tratuhin ni Victoria? Para lang itong nakikipag-usap sa isang estranghero. “Hindi mo na ba ako mahal?”

“Unfortunately, I fell out of love.”

Ramcel felt like her heart was crushed all over again. The way she said it was so nonchalant. It was so casual like describing the weather. At least the weather outside was raging unlike Victoria who was so stoic. Parang ibang tao ang kaharap nya.

“Just like that? Nawala sa isang iglap?” Hindi nya makapaniwalang sabi. “Pine-pressure ka ba ng Dad mo? Is that it? Dahil ba ito sa reputasyon?”

“Walang kinalaman si Dad rito. It’s my own decision,” depensa nito. “Mahirap mang paniwalaan, I fell in love with Hector. I love him so much.” There was affection on her voice when she mentioned his name. “When I realized my strong feelings for him, that’s when I also knew that I wasn’t really in love with you.”

Every word was like a poison penetrating Ramcel’s whole being, slowly killing her. “If you werent in love with me, why did you marry me? Were you just pretending the whole time? Lahat ng mga sinabi mo, are all those lies? Empty words and promises?”

“I guess, I was just overwhelmed by your gestures. By your love. You followed me to New York and loved me all your life. It was like a fairytale. A very cinematic movie.” She gave her a faint smile but her eyes were so sad. “It felt so wonderful until the feeling faded. I felt so obligated to return your feelings. Nadala ako sa kabaitan mo at sobrang pagmamahal mo para sakin. Mahal kita bilang kaibigan, Ram. Hindi ko kayang saktan ka by not reciprocating how you feel. So I tried to love you back. I was happy but when I met Hector, I didn’t expect it to happen, I really fell in love with him.”

Obligated? She tried to love her back? Tried? Anong ibig sabihin nun? Kunwari lang ang lahat? Hindi sya nito totoong mahal?

“Why are you doing this to me?” She couldn’t stop her voice from cracking.

“Because I want to be happy. Ayokong magsisi sa huli. Ayokong manatili sa piling mo at pagsisihan ko pagkatapos. I don’t want to hate you because I’m miserabe. Kaya ngayon pa lang tapusin na natin to. Ayoko ng patagalin pa ito.” Punong-puno nang pakikiusap ang boses nito.

“Ano bang mali sakin, Vi. Bakit napakadali mo lang akong bitawan? Bakit lagi mo na lang akong sinasaktan!?” She didn’t want to scream but she was so angry. She was so hurt. “Bakit hindi mo ko magawang mahalin!?” She couldn’t stop her tears from falling anymore.

Something flashed in Victoria’s eyes that she couldn’t determine at that time because her world was crumbling.

“Is this what you really want, Vi? Ito ba ang makakapagpasaya sayo?!”

“I’m sorry for hurting you, Ram.” Tears were forming in Vi’s eyes. Naaawa itong nakatingin sa kanya. Lumapit ito sa kanya at marahang hinaplos ang pisngi nya. “I hate that I’m breaking your heart but I am doing this for you,” Victoria said softly and for a moment she looked so vulnerable. For a moment she saw the same Victoria she loved.

Iwinaksi nya ang kamay nito. “Don’t touch me. I really hope you know what you are doing, Vi. That hurting me is worth it. If you want out, then I’ll give it to you.” Pinigilan nya ang pagtulo ng mga luha nya. Pinunasan nya ang mga ito saka tinitigan sa mga mata si Victoria. “I gave you my heart and you chose to break it. I gave you all of me, but you chose to let me go. This ends here. Hindi na kita hahabulin pa.” Ramcel clenched her jaw. “Goodbye, Victoria.” Saka na nya ito tinalikuran at iniwan.

Nasalubong pa nya si Hector na naghihintay sa labas ng opisina. “I hope you are worth it, Hector.” She gave him one cold look then walked away.

Dumiretso sya sa living room. Napatayo ang naghihintay na si Lauren, who studied her face. Binalingan nya si Maristela. “Thank you for being a gracious host to me and my friends. It was nice meeting you. Sana manood ka pa rin ng mga pelikula ko.” Ramcel tried to smile. “Take care of yourself. Don’t let anyone hurt you or your family.” Bumeso sya rito one last time.

Tumingin sya kay Lauren, na parang gustong umiyak para sa kanya pero nagpipigil lang. Kinuha nya ang kamay nito saka hinila na palabas ng bahay. Hindi na nila alintana ang ulan habang pabalik sila ng kotse.

“Ram...”

“Let’s go. I need to get drunk,” she said.

“Okay.” Lauren nodded in understanding and started the engine.

“Come back to me Baby…” Ramcel was suddenly snapped out of her reverie. Vi? But when her eyes focused, she saw Olivia, not her wife. Wife? Should she still call Victoria that? Sa papel lang naman yun di ba? Hindi rin legal dito sa Pilipinas. In her mind, their marriage was null and void. “Rayanne, you need to stop this.” Marahang kinuha ng kaibigan ang hawak nyang baso na may kalahati pang bourbon. “You can’t keep doing this. Baka magkasakit ka.” Punong-puno ng concern ang boses nito.

The night she left the Alonzo’s house, bumalik sila ng Maynila ni Lauren at dumiretso kina Tita Marie, na agad silang ipinagluto ng sizzling sisig at chicken lollipops nang makita ang malungkot na mukha nila. Agad rin itong nagpabili ng maraming alak. Ramcel drank to her heart’s content hoping it would wash away her sorrows.

If Ramcel wasn’t burying herself with work, she was drowning herself with any intoxicating liquor she could get her hands on.

“Liv, give me more work. Project. Anything.” Her words were slurring. “Anything that could take my mind off Victoria.”

Olivia didn’t say anything. She just kissed her forehead and hugged her tight as she started crying again