Saving Raven | ✔ |

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October 5 2013

[Two years after]

A loud thumping sound wakes me up. Despite the fact that my eyes are still stinging because of too much pain, I compelled it to open. The room is still dark but at least the rain stops and the quite rush of wind is the only evidence that there was a strong storm earlier.

I close and open my eyes again, blinking back the bitter tears that are threatening to stream down on my face.

It seems like it is so long ago since I met Alex. He had been so gentle and kind...so vulnerable and so loving.

How long was it? Two years?

I will myself into a sitting position even if every twitch of muscle is killing me. I crawl towards our bedpost to rest my aching back.

The room becomes eerily quiet...what is that sound earlier anyway?

I let my eyes again to wander and devour the horrifying scene around me. This apartment is such a mess. I don't know if I can even fix it, especially if both of us seem broken.

My eyes subconsciously fell on the ripped picture. We were both smiling like crazy on that picture. Like there was no tomorrow...like we owned the world. But back then we didn't realize that the happiness is just temporary. That someday we will find ourselves in this situation.

Alex had a choice.

I know he didn't want this to happen and I know he has some anger management issues. I understand that he needs some means where he can let out that anger that has been building up inside him...but he still has a choice.

And he chose to do this to me.

Will he ever come back?

Will he ever turn his back and return to our apartment? Will he ever say sorry again to me? Will he tell again that he loves me and I am the only one that matters to him? Will he stop hitting me?

I am hoping.

This broken and beaten girl is hoping for her love to come back.

I heard again a loud thump.

It is coming from the door. I know it is him the moment I hear his voice. He is back.

Alex is back.

He tries to open the door with his keys but the door won't budge.

"Raven...please baby, open this door."

His voice is sad and he is openly sobbing now. He tries once more but the stubborn door doesn't open.

"Love...I am so sorry....I-I didn't want to hit you...I love you so much...Pl-please open this door..."

He is saying more but I cannot understand what he is saying because his voice becomes a large blur in my ears.

I love him so much.

I know I still do. But I hate what I have become because of that love. I know that I will not stop loving him. My love for him is true and pure. But I need to stop.

I need to let go.

I need to love myself again.

The baby starts to cry.

Our baby starts to cry.

I look at the little angel that is sleeping in my bed. She is so peaceful earlier...why is she crying now?

Maybe she knows that her father is here. Maybe she misses him already.

I stare at her beautiful face. She has her father long eyelashes and green eyes. Her cries are so quite that you will mistake it as a sniffle. She is so beautiful...

Even if someday, there will be a chance that she will hate me for this. I need to let her father let go. I need to find myself again.

"Raven...pl-please...."

It takes all of my will and my strength to ignore him and crawl towards my baby. She stops crying and stared at me with those cute little green eyes of hers.

"It'll be okay, Alexandria. Mommy's here." I say as I kiss gently her soft cheeks.

I know that I will forever love Alex. It will be the only thing that will never change between us. That love...that stupid and sweet love that keeps me hanging and wanting more. That love that Alex and I both shared.

They say love can change your life.

And true, it changed me.

It changed me forever.

It changed me for real.

So I get my phone that's been lying beside my daughter and with shaking hands I dial my mother's number. She answers on the first ring.

"Raven, is that you?"

"Yes mom,"

My tears are already pouring. I miss her so much. I know I am eighteen but I feel like seven when I hear her voice.

"Mom...Save me..." I cried.

Save me, mom.... Just please save me from this black hole that I'd fallen into.

She doesn't immediately answers. At first I thought that has already given up on me but when I hear her cry, my hearts broke into millions of pieces.

"Raven...I love you."

"I love you too mom."

I am going to be okay. Broken and bruised...but okay. I don't know what will happen next. I don't know what will happen next to Alex and me.

I just know that my mother will come here and save me.

And I am going to be okay.