15 Days Locked In (Mashton)

I won't let you relapse - Luke

I slowly move my arm next to me, trying to reach for my boyfriend. Feeling only the cold mattress I open my eyes and sigh. He is gone, again. It's been three days since he confessed that he wasn't feeling okay at all. It's been three days that he goes running as soon as he can. Believe me when I say that I'm glad he's found a coping mechanism for when he wants to cut. But I am also scared that it will end up an unhealthy habit. Going for 2 or 3 runs in a day can't be healthy.

I roll out of bed and go directly in the shower. As the hot water runs down my body, I try to relax and stop thinking but it's never that simple. That's how I find myself overthinking and worrying about my friends more and more as seconds pass by. After about ten minutes I stop the water, get out of the shower and then, once I'm fully clothed, I'm out of the bathroom. I walk to Ashton's room and knock twice.

"Come in!" I open the door and smile at my best friend.

"Hey! Didn't wanna run with Cal this morning?" He frowns at me.

"I didn't want to leave him go all alone, but I can't keep up with him. Going running even once a day is well... a lot." I sigh.

"Yeah I get that. I wouldn't be able to keep up neither." I sit on the edge of the blond bed. "Anyway, is everything okay here?"

"Yeah, I'm... okay."

"You do not seem so sure."

"It's just" he cut himself off. "I don't know, I wish I could really do something to help Cal and Mike and myself, and help you deal with all of this at the same time. I wish I could do more but I don't know what to do. It's frustrating!" I smile at him shaking my head slowly.

"Ash, you have too big of a heart. You cannot save everyone. You cannot focus on everyone neither. Not now at least. The only one you should focus on is yourself. And I see you coming: that is not being selfish. Not at all."

"Yeah I guess you're right." He still seems unconvinced but I know that I can't do more, not right now anyway. He needs space so that's what I'm going to give him.

I pat his back and exit the room. I slowly walk downstairs and make my way to the kitchen to have some coffee. I then grab my phone, my cup of coffee in front of me, and dial the facility's number. It's something I do every two days so I know how Michael is doing from a doctor's point of view. After three ringtone the secretary answer.

"Hello, you've reached Los Angeles psychological treatment centre. I'm Mariah, what can I do for you?" I skip formalities because when you call every two days the staff begins to know you quite well.

"Hello Mariah, it's Luke, I was wondering if I could have some updates about Michael, please?"

"From what I know, last night was pretty rough and breakfast was not easy as well but he asked to see his therapist earlier than he should have so in a way, he's doing okay. I think he would appreciate if you and your friends could all come to see him this afternoon."

"Okay, thank you."

"Anytime. I'll see you later, I guess."

"Yes, thanks again." With that I hang up. I exhale and take a sip of coffee. I wish life could be easier for a while. The four of us needs a break. When the doorbell rings I take a deep breath, put a smile on my face and go open the front door. I'm immediately engulf in the warm arms of Mrs. Irwin. I smile and put a soft kiss on her cheek. She's like a second mother to me and I am so happy to see her.

"Hey Luke, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine but so happy to see you!" She chuckles and kisses my cheek back. I let her go and say hello to Harry and Lauren. Then we go inside. As I'm closing the door, I notice Calum coming back from his run. I wait for him and kiss him quickly on the lips. "You were gone when I woke up this morning. I missed you."

"I missed you too, but I- I needed to run." I smile, sadly.

"Cal, baby, you- it's not- "

"I know, I know. But please, not now, please." His voice is sad. He's begging me, and I give in, for now.

"We'll talk about it later." He just nods, puts a smile on and greets Ashton's mom. And damn he's good at pretending being fine. I take several deep breaths before stepping in the house and going to Ashton's room. I knock twice and open the door. The blond is sat on his bed... starring at his wrists. I frown and my heart tightens as I walk in and close the door behind me. My friend does not raise his eyes, he keeps glaring at his mutilated skin. "Ash?" He stays still and I feel myself panicked. I quickly go next to him and sit there. I put my hand in his and squeeze it. "Ash?" Still no answer, no movement. "How much for cutting?" I know the number's gonna be high, but I'm not sure how high it's going to be.

"10." I close my eyes for a brief moment before asking.

"How much for dying?"

"10." I take him between my arms and hold him tight.

"I won't let you go. I won't let you leave. I won't let you relapse. You've come this far, you kept fighting to live, for us, for yourself. Now, it's my turn to fight for you, to help you. You're not going to cut or die. Not today, not ever. You hear me?" He nods against my shirt. He cries and sobs and I don't know how to help me. I don't know what to do. So I let him. I rock us back and forth hoping it will soothe him. After some time, I speak again. "I know it may not be the right time but you family's arrived."

"I have to go downstairs and greet them, right?"

"You should take some time to calm down before."

"Yeah, okay." He sniffles. "Thank you, Lukey."

"Stop thanking me, I'm just supporting you. I'm not the one doing all the hard work. I do not need to be thanked."

"And yet, without you, I would be long gone." I squeeze him tight once again. After a few seconds of silence, he speaks again. "What should I do about my mom? Should I tell her the truth about how I feel or..." he doesn't end his sentence but he doesn't have to. I know what he means.

"That's only up to you. But for what it worth, if I were you, I would tell her the truth. No matter how hard it is, she came all the way from Australia to check on you. She's worried sick. And if she feels, even the slightest bit, that you're not being honest, she's just gonna worry more. She's your mom, and I know you two are close, so I really think that you should be honest."

"I'll think about that." He inhales and exhales a few times. "I think I'm gonna go downstairs now."

"Okay, could you ask Cal to come to our room, please? Tell him it's very important." Ashton's stare at me, uncertain if he should ask about knowing more or not but in the end, he just nods and goes join his mother and siblings. As for me, I go to my room and began searching a number in my phone while waiting for my boyfriend. Once I've found the contact I was looking for, I just stare in front of me. After what feels like an eternity, the door opens and the brunette enters the room. I turn my gaze towards him.

"Cal, baby, these pasts few days-" he sighs and cuts me off.

"I know. I know what you're going to ask me to do, and the answer is no. I won't call Dr Carleigh's office." How does he know his name? Sensing my confusion he speaks again. "You've let your computer turned on, on his website. But that's not the point. I won't call her office, not right now at least, because I've called it before I went running. I have an appointment the day after tomorrow, at 10 AM." I smile at him and kiss him, keeping the smile on my face. That's how happy I am to know he's booked an appointment before the end of the week he asked me, and by his own.