15 Days Locked In (Mashton)

I'm scared of being alone - Ashton

"We need you Ash, we really need you. I need you, I need my best bud. I need to see your eyes open and your smile. I need you, and Michael... god, you can't even imagine how much he needs you. He's trying to get better, he's trying his hardest, but he needs you by his side to properly be able to get better. He needs you and him to get along again. He needs to apologize and he needs you to forgive him. And I know you're gonna wake up soon, and I'm still trying to find reasons for you to wake up, even though I know you're not gonna die anymore but... I guess I'm just scared, you know? You tried to kill yourself for god sake! I'm scared you can still decide to not wake up or to attempt again as soon as you will be awake. I'm terrified to lose you anyway. And I'm terrified to lose Michael too. I can't lose you. And usually I would say all of this to Calum, just not to make you feel guilty or anything, but you're still asleep and Cal is... well he tries to stay strong, but I know he's breaking a little bit more each day and I don't want to add my worries on his shoulders. And maybe I'm selfish but... I don't care. I need you Ash, I really, really, really do."

I can feel teardrops on my hand and hear his wrecking sobs. Lukey... I try to squeeze as hard as I can his hand, since he is holding mine and after a few tries, I actually succeed. The room is suddenly quite.

"Ash?"

This time, I do everything that I can to open my eyes. My eyelids are heavy but it doesn't stop me, I still open them. I have to blink a few times to get use to the brightness of the room and then I stare at my friend with a small smile. He starts crying again, but this time, he cries even harder. I squeeze his hand once more.

"Oh my god, you're awake, you are actually awake!"

"I am, indeed." And I don't know if I'm happy about this or not, but I can't voice him my thoughts, not after his rambling, that's why I try to put a smile on my face.

"I'm so glad you're still here, Ash!" In a second, I'm engulf in a hug. I quickly hug him back, knowing he needs it more than I do. "I'm gonna look for your doctor, I'll be back soon! Don't fall back asleep, alright?" He chuckles at the end of his sentence, making me smile a little.

"I'll try my best."

After that he exits the room quickly, leaving me alone but not for long. A minute only has passed when he's back, a man following him with a smile. He's probably my doctor since he has this white blouse. Luke goes back to sitting next to my bed as the man walk towards my other side.

"Hello Mr Irwin! It's good to see you awake. I'm Dr Kent, I've been on your case since you've been admitted 3 weeks ago. You were in a coma but now you're back, so that's what matters the most. Can you tell me your birth date and in which year we are?" I tell him the answer to both questions and he smiles again. Doesn't he stop smiling? "That's exact. I need to know what the last thing you remember is, please." I bite my lip, my look shifting to the blond then to my hand.

"I had argued with Michael the night before and he said something that hurt me and so during the night I try to... you know..." I can't finish my sentence, knowing Luke is listening to my every word.

"You don't seem to have memory loss, that's a positive point. We will do a few tests in the morning, to be sure that you have no brain damage, but for now, since it is 7 PM, I'm just gonna let you rest." He smiles, once again at me before he turns to my friend. "I allow you to stay until 9 PM."

"Thank you, Doc."

The older man nods and exits the room, leaving Luke and I in an awkward silence. I'm scared he will ask about what I did. I don't want to talk about it, but I know he needs to ask questions, he wants me to tell him that I'm glad I'm alive. He needs to hear me says that, but truth is, I still don't know if I am. And so, the first question is asked.

"What happened, that night?"

"Didn't Michael tell you?" I respond, uncomfortable.

"He did, but I want your version as well, please."

"We argued. I started talking about his eating disorder and the fact that if he just wanted to stay in the house to lose weight then I won't stay in there any longer. And from that things got heated and he told me that I was right when I said that I hurt everyone around me. And... I had just so many bad thoughts in my head already. It was so hard not to do that one cut that would end it all. And with what he said, it just was too much. It's not his fault, he just said the wrong thing at the wrong time. And... I'm sorry Lukey. I'm so f*cking sorry! I know those past few weeks probably has been Hell for you and Cal, and I'm so sorry. I wish I was normal, happy, with no suicidal thoughts but... I am not. It just is so hard to keep my head above water, you know?"

Tears are streaming down mine and Luke's face. I didn't mean to say all of that, but once I started talking, I couldn't stop myself. He motions for me to move over and then lays beside me and hugs me. I lean into his touch, craving some comfort right now.

"What he said was not true, okay? He said that just because he felt like he would lose control of his eating habit. It was his eating disorder defending itself, nothing more. And he said that because he knew it would hurt you just as much as he was scared. But it is NOT true. You do not hurt everyone around you. I'm so happy to have you in my life, and so is Calum and we would never give you up for nothing else. We love you as you are. And you wanna be normal, you said? But who is normal? Have you seen me? I'm the weirdest person alive! No one is normal. There is no such things as normal. You are you, and that, is the most precious thing ever."

I slightly smile and put a kiss on his cheek. He definitely is one of the best person I know.

"How is Michael doing?" my voice is nothing more than a whisper. I'm scared to know.

"He's hospitalized for his anorexia. He had lost so much weight that his life was in danger so he agreed on staying here for a bit."

"He agreed? That's all? It was that simple?" Does he know another Michael suffering from anorexia or...? Michael would have never agreed to stay in a hospital to gain weight!

"He passed out once, and Dr Kent told him how he was on the verge of dying, I would like to say that it was the fact that he didn't wanna die that made him agree but that's not it. He agreed because he didn't wanna hurt anyone else like he had hurt you or by dying and putting Cal and I in even more distressed than we already were. He agreed for us, for you. He wanted, he wants, to be able to have a friendship with you again."

"Really?"

"Really. "

"I'm tired, I think I'm gonna sleep for a bit, but thank you Lukey, for always being here for me. You truly are the best."

"Anytime Ashy." As he moves to get up, I grab his hand.

"Stay? Until I sleep? I'm scared of being alone."

"Of course. Good night bud."

He kisses my forehead and starts humming a song but I'm too tired to recognize it. In a second, I'm fast asleep.

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Hey hey hey! 

I apologize if there is any grammar or spelling mistakes, I will read it and correct it tomorrow morning, but right now I need sleep!!!!! But, as been some times that I had not posted, I wanted to finish this chapter before going to bed so... HERE WE GO!

Ash is finally awake! And... yeah. Any thoughts on this chapter? 

I hope you're all doing good! I love you all and thanks for reading! ❤❤❤

Stella XX.